Hey mumma sisters. I am in desperate need of some ideas.
My 4 nearly 5 year old daughter is fully toilet trained. Has been since about 18 months old. But we are having an issue with her and our "own" toilet.
We moved to this house about a year and a half ago.. and she has refused to use the toilet here alone. She always says she is scared. She will want you there and in eye sight. So not even on the other side of the door.
The toilet is in our laundry and is exactly the same layout as the old house.. the only difference is we have tiles here the old house had slate (more morbid) everything else is the same.. still enter from the hall way the washing machine in exact same spot and toilet to the left eveything exactly the same..
She will go to any OTHER toilet un aided.. no issues. No second thoughts, no tears.
But at home.. NO WAY She will cry and hold on till busting until you are there.. i have tried backing away into the hall when shes on, still in view but she starts crying. I have completly walked away.. she will bawl or even get off.
Shes given no reason except she is scared.
She did say when we first moved here theres a ghost.. but hasnt said anything more about that. Initially i thought she had just spooked herself. This house is alot more modern, bright and airy than the previous house.
She even used the drop toilets alone with a torch in the dark in the middle of the bush over easter. But back home...not a hope in hell. She will be in tears pleading.
I dont know what to do. How i can get her to go alone?
And why do you think this has happened? I am even starting to think maybe there is a ghost only she can see. 😂
Im goimg to try one of those coloured toilet bowl lights and put a picture up. But with how adamant she is on refusing.. i highly doubt its going to make a difference.
Her only reasoning is "im scared"
Scared of what? "Im just scared"
She is very mature for her age.. has fantastic speech.. most people think shes alot older and double ask her age.. when i tell them, and are shocked.
I desperatly need some idea on how else to get her to go alone.
Thanks mummas
3 Replies
I've been through toilet anxiety for the last 3 years, it's tough.
The only advice I have is to just go with her for the time being, I know it's irritating and not always practical but forcing it will only add to both of your stress.
So a few suggestions:
Stop forcing the issue for a bit, don't even mention going alone. Just stop what you're doing and attend to her needs (which at this point is just your presence). Do this for a period of time so she's comfortable with the situation, then gradually stop standing so close, IE literally one foot step further back each day. I'd aim for door way first, then hall way and so on.
Let her do her business with the door open until she feels the need for privacy.
Use distractions, for example sing a song together, play eye spy, put a big alphabet poster on the wall and get her to spot the ones she knows or something else that interests her.
Have a little portable CD player or something like that to play music and put some music on when she goes - sometimes it's the silence that brings on the fear.
Let her decorate the space (as you've already touched on)
Try not to show your frustration or lose your patience with her, it seems silly to us but it's huge to children.
Just be persistent, patient and give it time. If you give it a good try for say the next 6 months and see no improvement or the issue is getting worse/extending to other toilets such as shopping centres, school or relatives toilets - then it may be worth visiting your gp for a referral to a child phsycologist or some occupational therapy to help manage her anxiety.
Good luck
Is it the toilet itself? They vcan be creepy for little kids. Bigger/ darker/ louder flush? My girl still bolts out of the bathroom when the water slurps down the drain and if she was standing in the bath would lose her mind. Just try to help... be understanding, sometimes a step backwards in giving more support and reassurance helps them get the confidence to try to do it alone in their own time.
I’m not a strong believer, but my miss 4.5 was always scared of sleeping in her room alone. She said there were monsters. Only at our house, she never had the problem in any other room in the house. I got a lovely lady to come in and do a spirit clearing, she said there was a lady in her room who didn’t belong there. I took weeks for miss to say she was scared again, and then it wasn’t monsters it was next doors dog barking. It may be worth finding someone to come and clear the house, you just never know