A question to people who have step children. At what age would you deem it inappropriate for step siblings of different genders to bath together? (Not half siblings, I’m talking about children that are not related at all but their parents are in a relationship).
I ask because my children are bathing with their other-parents-new partners children of the opposite gender (all school age). Which I am aware can be innocent and us as adults can make it into something that it’s not, but the girls in this situation are pulling themselves apart and showing the boys the intricates of what is between their legs... they are not toddlers. I feel very uneasy about it but cannot approach it with the other parent as if they know that something upsets me then they do it more. I’m not really sure how to handle it best. I don’t allow my children to bathe nude with close family friends (who they have always bathed with since babies) anymore as I feel they are a bit old for that now and it’s inappropriate.
I guess I’m looking for other people’s opinion of what is ok and what isn’t? There doesn’t seem to be any legislation on this matter anywhere (re: blended families sharing beds/baths etc) but if anyone is in that line of work or has been advised of recommended ages etc then I’d really love to hear your thoughts. Thanks.
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4 Replies
Just my opinion but around 6 or 7 if different gender, and that behaviour and touching and showing privates should never be allowed.
Perhaps instead of legislation, look for information on child safety from trusted sources and curriculum and behaviours and appropriateness and teaching body safety and pass that on.
Maybe speak respectfully directly to the partner, mum to mum, as opposed to the ex with a grudge. Maybe have a couple of decent small talk phone convos or in person on drop off before you bring up the issue. Build up some rapport first, so your first interaction isn’t critiquing her parenting. Being able to talk to her will make life so much easier going forward if him and you don’t have a good coparenting relationship. I also wouldn’t feel comfortable, your feelings are not unreasonable at all and your concern is justified. Good luck.
How do your children feel about it?
Are they OK with it or does it make them uncomfortable?
If it bothers them I'd encourage and empower them to speak up if they don't want to bathe with their step siblings and see how that goes. If they're feeling forced into that situation or don't feel they can speak up, then I'd try and have a non confrontational discussion with the ex and his partner. If that still doesn't help I'd consider going to mediation.
So I'm not divorced and really hate children being withheld from a parent. But I would say it's not acceptable nicely and if the father didn't respect that I would withhold visitation on safety grounds. Almost no sexual assault or rape is stranger initiated and these children are not blood siblings. As a child of divorce, my privacy was encouraged where my step brothers were concerned and I think mum did the right thing there. Ps... My kids still share baths but they're blood and now my son is getting older we're reducing frequency and phasing it out.