Don't know what to do anymore...... I have been with my partner for 23 yrs married for 16yrs & 4 kids. Since the birth of our DD over 4yrs ago his addiction to ice has increased dramticly. He went on compo 2 yrs ago for 6mths since them his addiction has hit the roof and he doesn't want to work. Recently I went back to work after being a SAHM for 10yrs as we where about to loose our house to the bank. He spends all night locked in his man cave and comes to bed expecting sex as he continually watches porn. The thing I'm having a hard time with is if he dose not get sex every 2nd night by the time I have dropped kids off and got to work he is sending me abusive msgs saying it all my fault the he is in pain because he didn't get a load off. That I'm a lying cheating bitch that dosen't care because I didn't leave work to go home and give him a blow job. These msgs go on for hours and I just never want to go home, but with 4 kids I have to. I can't do this much longer and he believes that it is all my fault and that his addiction and now dealing all night had nothing to do with it. I'm lost as to what to do, I don't want a broken family but I can't handle much more of the sex demands at his leisure. Never helps with housework or kids. I do everything except mow the yard. I stay away from my friends as I'm embarrassed by him and what he does
29 Replies
This is abuse its time to leave. If your paying the mortgage and house bills I'd be kicking his ass out. Make sure you get a restraining order and put the kids on it as drug addicts don't know the word no and he will most probably try to come back.
You are already living in a broken family. Do you really think your kids are not airway affected by this? Your kids are learning that this is how families should operate.
Your husband is abusing you and you need to leave for your kids and for you.
Ring the cops and dob him in especially if his a dealer! God kids shouldn't be near drugs or drug affected people! Time to take care of yourself and the kids and you will need the police to help as ice addicts are very dangerous! Good luck Mumma!
I find it interesting that separated families are still referred to as 'broken families', it's a very 1950s term and one we need to stop using.
Separating from your husband makes your lives functional again, not broken!
I would ask him to leave, like today. If he won't call the police to have him removed.
You sound more concerned about his sexual demands than his ice issue, which I find very odd. Sexual demands won’t hurt you, however, whilst using ice he could hurt you or your children or you could have your children removed from your care. I would call living with an ice addict a more broken home than living with one functional parent. I’m also concerned by the fact that he is left alone with your kids and you don’t want to go home, you are putting them in danger because you don’t want to deal with him. Do you think your kids enjoy being around him when he needs a hit? Time to make your kids the priority and get rid of him.
Sexual pleasure is at the top of the list for effects of ice. Have you thought of the mental and emotion hurt the demands cause. Hurt is now always physical! At no point was it said they are at home with him while she is at work. Have you thought the not wanting to go home is intact herself and the kids.
His behavior as a whole (the sexual demands, abuse etc) does come down to his drug use so it's all relative really.
Though, it wasn't specified if the children are being left in his care I think it's a fair assumption that they are, in which case I think making it known that it's irresponsible and dangerous to do so is good advice to the OP. It may not be safe for her to separate this very moment but the kids should not be left in his care going forward.
Original commenter....Of course the sexual demands are because of the drug, that’s a no brainer and of course emotional abuse is just as bad....but I think focusing on that is ignoring the elephant in the room.....he is an ice addict, he’s dangerous, there’s a host a bad behaviours that come with the territory, but rather than deal with each bad behaviour I.e. sexually demanding, next it will be stealing money, next it will be violence, the truth is....he’s an ice addict and needs to go. I’m not going to give advice about how to help her deal with the sexual demands because it is futile, he’s an ice addict.
People making assumptions is disrespectful. Ask before assuming makes you thoughts/advise more meaningful. I'm sure she is 100% aware of what is irresponsible, maybe advise on outside help would be more constructive
I’m advocating for her children who are living with an ice addict. Her main concern was his sexual demanding behaviour and how to handle it, not how to get her children out of an unsafe environment. It is literally a life and death situation, what if he takes out his sexual urges on her children because she won’t return home? This is a dangerous situation and needs to be treated as such.
She also talks about him doing nothing around the house....I don’t think she gets it at all, I think she needs a big wake up call.
Never judge a person until you have walked in their shoes. You are quick to blame her for it. Maybe her posting this is her wake up call and wants some useful advice not someone being judgemental.
I believe trying to see a lawyer and someone that can help with he mental state would be a good start. And I'm sure either one of them can help her with the best avenue to take for a safe exit from the situation.
Don’t assume I haven’t walked in her shoes and I know what I needed to hear....when you are in it, you can’t see it, when others say it, it holds weight.
Feel free to write your own comment, I don’t need you critiquing mine thanks....
May I ask if you have lived with an ice addict?? If not how would you know what they are like. Or you just believe everything you read and see on the internet. My son has ADHD and his paed said a lot of adults with ADHD use methamphetamine including ice as their medication as ADHD meds are used in the making of these drugs. The believe it helps them with the hyperactivity as ice and other drugs brings their focuse on one thing not jumping all over the place
That is an excuse to use. People with ADHD can cope without medication OR illegal drugs, it’s just ALOT of work. And yes, I have experience living with someone with ADHD and is a recovering addict. It IS possible
Maybe she needs to hear constructive opinions not people blaming her. Everyone is alive and maybe she has done the hard yards always for her kids taking all the abuse so the kids never receive it.
There is a light at the end of the tunnel hun, get physical and mental help for you and your kids and tell him he needs to get help or say goodbye for ever. May God be by your side giving you strength xx
What if those sexual demands are what has been the final draw. What if thhey turn into something more than demands. I guess what happens behind closed doors people aren't worried about. I believe she has never stated that he is home all the time. Maybe he is not there much and she can have a bit of happy family time with her kids. The hurt that she maybe covering up each and every day for her children and some people are just out to make her feel even worse. I thought as a sisterhood we are here to support and help were we can not judge, blame and hurt.
So we are comparing prescription Ritalin to crystallised methamphetamine use now? Here’s the thing, his addiction is escalating, whether she is there or not, it doesn’t matter because she won’t have the physical strength to stop him from harming her or her children. It only has to happen ONCE and it doesn’t even need to result in death, but it will stay with those kids forever.
If he keeps using, it will only get worse, that’s a fact. When you read in the newspaper, ice addict kills child whilst mum ducked to the shops, whats the first thing everyone thinks? Why did the mother stay with him and it’s true, because the addict has no idea what they are doing, so the rational people need to stand up. It’s not easy, by any means, but him pressuring her for sex and not doing the housework is the least of her problems in the coming weeks. Most partners stay too long and when they get out, they realise the significant psychological trauma their children have experienced, they feel guilty, they feel bad but it’s too late, the damage is done. When you’re living in it, it’s like a fog, you can’t see things clearly. Anyway, that’s my final thoughts.
One more thing.....To the IM, go to the Facebook group Ice diaries, it may provide you with some valuable insight and information. Good luck.
Everyone's an expert when it comes to drug addiction. But how many are actually trained and know the correct info.
Mumma bear do yourself a favour and get the info you need from the correct sources. Is there other reasons that could be the course of the addiction escalating? Not condoning any of it but could you help him help himself. You say you have been together for a while, have you noticed anything that could have trigger it. Mum's have that sixth sense about there children, maybe you could think along those lines. But by all means the safety of you and your children should come first
It’s the chemical in the drug, you build up resistance and need more to get high, it isn’t usually a trigger, but a gradual thing.
It escalates because that’s what the drug does. Totally agree that she should seek a professional help, or get to some Nat-Anon meetings ♥️
Has anyone throught of the both physical and mental hurt an Ice addict can cause if she leaves or demands him to leave??? Police are not by a mother's side 24/7 so think if that. Had friends with restraining orders and half the time they are only a stronger as the piece of paper they are printed on.
I really don't understand how living with an ice addict is not an issue to some people until it is. Everyone know ice addicts go crazy. Why isn't he in rehab already. Tell him rehab or show him the door. It's the ice talking. Do something before it gets worse and dangerous
Thank you! Apparently I am out of line for telling her to get her kids out because he’s an ice addict.
I've read many posts like this on this page, some people's relaxed attitude towards substance abuse and recreational drug use astounds me.
Pot, alcohol, Meth, prescription meds - doesn't matter. Children don't deserve to live with an addict.
Nothing will change unless he gets help, and you can’t make him, he needs to want to. I’ve been where you are now, and I asked him to leave I’d had enough. He realised that I was serious and he was about to lose everything. He started going to NA (narcotics anonymous) meetings every single day and has worked so hard to get where he is now, he’s a changed man and will be three years clean in May and I’ve never been more proud. You NEED to do what’s best for your kids, they come first and so do you, the drug is evil, but ultimately it’s his choice and you can’t make him stop. There are also meetings for you too, They’re called Nar-Anon and may help you. Good luck hun xo
Call the police, have him removed from yours and your children's house and start divorce proceedings. He will never come back from this. You will always be his scapegoat. He will always accuse you of DELIBERATELY causing EVERYTHING that did, has and will go wrong in his life.( refer to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Goes hand in hand with drug addiction) Start referring to him as the contracted sperm donor(in your head) and relegate him to an unfortunate selection on your behalf. Change the locks and register that change with ALL the locksmiths so he doesn't talk/trick his way back in. Get on with your life, protect your children, and NEVER take him back.