We’re a blended family of 6 kids. My children and I moved into my partners home where their children have grown up. We know this is a massive ask of all the kids as bedrooms etc now how to be shared. My kids feel like they’re invading and my sk feel like they’re invaded. We’re after some suggestions on ways to help all the kids find their feeling of ‘home’. We spend time separate with our own kids so they get one on one with the respective parent. We want all kids to feel safe and secure and at home. Any suggestions we’d love to hear them.
9 Replies
How old are the kids? Sharing a room is most certainly the biggest ask as they lose a lot of their privacy and get the feeling of not being able to have time to themselves. The only way I see past this is to move homes and start a fresh life altogether.
5-11. Thank you for your answer. It is something to think about.
Yeah sorry I’m going to have to agree with the last comment. I was raised in a stepfamily where we moved in and it was her house and her rules. Every routine and rule my brothers and I had had our whole lives went out the window and we were expected to fit in to their household. The house was filled with their family photots on memories and we never felt at home. All three of kids moved out as soon as we were old enough to.
If you are blending a family I think you need to start fresh. A home that is all of yours. You also need to make sure that the rules are consistent but also that everyone is still treated as an individual. My brother and 2 stepbrothers are all within 15 months of each other in age and my stepbrothers are super academic while my brother is more talented in other areas. He was held to the same ideals and was never good enough, constantly compared to the other boys and at 30 years old he is still struggling to overcome the issues this caused.
Thank you 😊. My partner and I work well as a team, we both try our hardest to make sure all of the kids needs, wants and feelings are being listened to. We’re able to talk openly and honestly about parenting styles and what we feel will benefit or not suit all of the kids. We make sure rules are the same across the board, but understand each child’s different needs. I really don’t want any of the kids growing up feeling damaged by our choices as adults. It’s definitely something we keep in mind ☺️.
If moving out isn't an option, maybe re-decorating the house and making it a family affair. They each get to choose something to contribute. Take photos as a whole and hang these up. But it may make the SK a bit iffy as they feel they're losing their home.
That was what I was thinking. Really freshen everything up so it’s like a new start. At the moment the kids see mine vs theirs. Which I guess is completely natural as we’re merging 2 complete families that have developed separately into one home and for the kids they see what’s theirs as a sense of security. We will know in a couple of months if moving is an option.
Yes it definitely is natural, moving house isn't always feasible so don't feel like it's the only way to sort this out. Repainting bedrooms to a colour agreed upon by both kids (let them pick out a colour), hanging up some posters etc. - do things together and ensure everyone they affect agrees upon them.
It isn't easy (but life never is) - they'll come around too it. They're young enough thankfully :)
Personally I'd move if it's possible. You need 'our house'. If you can't do that I'd look at redecorating. Making sure there is a good mix of belongings, painting. Making sure the house reflects you all live there. Involve all the kids.
Buy a new house