Hi mums - I'm 20 years old my partner is 23 and we have been together for 4 years, we have a great relationship we live together,we have our space and most importantly want to share our lives together, he has till next November untill he will be a primary teacher and i have finished studying last year and currently working part time - over the last year or 2 I have had some health problems that I have now found out (only yesterday) might be messing around with my important parts - uterus to be exact, I have always wanted children, I spend my days as a nanny dreaming about becoming a mother - our initial plan was to work - save - wedding house- travel ect then kids around 27 -28 but now I've had the huge bomb from my doctor telling me I may not be able to have kids in the next 5 years,
This has really upset me, I'm so young and I feel as if my body had failed us as a couple - my dream was to be a SAHM and a wife be with my children and watch them grow.. Now I'm faced with a huge question 1 do I just accept it.. Be mad at myself and feel empty for the rest of my life? Or 2 have a baby.. Start trying in the next 2 years and face the fact that we will have to stay at home (it's just myself my partner and my mother in a 4 bed house) and live of one income?
Has anyone had to do this before? I think Due to my age it scares me a little, I have no doubt I couldn't do it - i just feel as it's a huge decision that will effect us for the rest of our lives xx
5 Replies
Firstly I'm sorry you got this news. If there are more medical tests to be done I wouldn't rush a decision at this stage. However some things to think about, most peoples plans don't work out how they thought, so don't worry about your time schedule (schedules should be adjustable to what comes up in life). Also I'm not sure why you can't move out once your partner gets a job as a teacher, it may not be the dream home you were planning on and it may not be buying a home but you will be out of your mothers house. Many people raise children, don't live with their parents and live on one teachers income! Lots of people get married after they have kids, if it's really important to you to be married first adjust your plans regarding the wedding. Some of the most beautiful weddings are self catered in a park or backyard. I think people have gotten confused about weddings and marriage. Also talk to your mum. She may be happy for you to have a kid while you live at home and saving. It may also be a good compromise for you to work a few days a week after you have had a baby. There are so many options I think you need to look into here.
My advice....talk to the people around you. Make sure that you have a confirmed diagnosis then begin to talk to the people in your immediate circle about your options. Often these situations cause us to re-think our priorities and you may be surprised about the options available to you and how people feel. I've no doubt your families will rally around and support you no matter what choice you make. It can be done!!!!!
Get a second opinion for sure. And if your doctor is right, I think you should go for it as you will regret it for the rest of your life if you don't have children! You are so young you can go travelling when bubs is 18 and you'd still only be in your 30s ;-) I married my hubby when I was 18 and our boy is now 4, I don't feel like I missed put on anything. My mum has him occasionally when we want to go out.. And you mentioned your mum was in the picture. And I just starting working again after being a SAHM for the past four years. Good luck with whatever you decide!
Just follow your heart. If your dreaming of starting a family, do it. The rest will work out. You & your partner both sound as if you have your heads screwed on the right way.
if you and your partner are both committed to each other and you have been given this news then perhaps you need to re evaluate your future plans. sometimes life throws us a curveball and doesn't always end up the way we hoped. I had my first baby at 35 and i always planned that i would have them younger but life didn't go as i planned. you don't want to look back and regret not following your heart. you are still so young and travel will always be there in the future. get a second opinion on the fertility issues but if what you really want is a baby then do that now as you don't want to regret it if later on you can't do it.