Hubby is out with mates having a drink after work yet again. Me, im getting 2 kids (4yo and 8mo) bathed, cooking dinner, feeding them and getting them ready for bed. Then he comes home once all thats done, eats, showers and goes to bed. Dont get me wrong he works hard, 12 hour days, and when hes actually home he's a great dad and i understand everyone needs some time off to unwind. But i dont get that, i dont get that hour everyday that he gets. Im lucky if i get a day to myself once a year. Im exhausted, i love our kids and love being able to be at home with them and watch them grow. Its a privileged many dont have, however i need some me time, any me time. We live very remote, no daycare and no friends/family to help and no work available even if i wanted to work. Every time i try talking to hubby, his respone "i work love and need a break" i then proceed to tell him why i also need that little break once in a while, but i may as well be speaking in another language.
4 Replies
Tell him that you're heading out for a few hours on say a Saturday or Sunday and he'll need to look after the kids. Even if you go for a drive on your own, music up, could make all the difference. It helped for me anyway!
U need a break, you shouldn't have to fight with him to be heard and respected this makes me so angry, working is nothing on being with your children 24/7. The absolute bare minimum you need is an hour a day.
You're being far too forgiving of him and putting down your own needs, it's time to make it known before you end up a crazy a reck and really resenting him.
One hour a day minimum. YOU shower and eat first! He takes the child. He just needs more respect and care for you than he's giving. If he really believes he can't do that due to him working (oh and after work drinks are not counted - your time comes before that!) then pay someone. Childcare or a babysitter and set up a regular roster where you get sleep and your own time to adult.
He will probably carry on like you're not doing your job or expecting way too much by doing this, but make sure you remind him it's him that not doing his job as a partner. its absolutely bullshit that they even think that looking after your basic needs and sanity is a luxury that you shouldn't have.
I felt like this until I had a break down and pushed myself to organise dinner with a girlfriend. It didn’t happen for a few months after the breakdown but it was nice to look forward to and prepare myself knowing I had the break coming.
On the weekend, when he is home, why don’t you just leave? Say hey hubby, going out for a few hours, see you later. Go for a drive, have a coffee in a coffee shop, browse, window shop, go to the library, whatever floats your boat and is available in your town. If he won’t listen, just do it. Also, leave dishes for him when he gets home, when you put the kids to bed each night, it is your time, relax, unwind, don’t do any housework. I am a single mum, I recharge when kids go to bed.