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I’m after some advice/opinions and changing consent orders before school...
My DD is in sole care of her father- physical care meaning I still have all the same rights as any other mother and am still actively involved in her life etc. over the last year I have pushed to start making changes so that by the time she is in school she will be in 50/50 care between myself and her father. We changed a few days around which has worked perfectly, but now I want to step it up a little. I have requested to start week on week off BEFORE she starts school so that she is nicely settled into a routine without disrupting the beginning of her schooling. And now her father doesn’t want that to happen. I am devastated:(
His argument is that it’s uncommon for kids to be in split care whilst in school and he just can’t see it happening. I have been over to his house to discuss all of this in person and he cannot give me a reason as to why he doesn’t want this to happen. His partner told me that when she is old enough she can choose who she lives with anyway, which was a big kick in the guts for me. They have enrolled her into a school for next year without my consent or signature (which btw says on our consent orders needs to happen) I’ve expressed how much I believe she needs a meaningful relationship with myself and my family. And before you judge me you need to understand that this has worked for us recently in her best interest but things have changed. She has been extremely unsettled and out of routine going back and fourth between her father and paternal grandmother (who takes care of her quite a lot because of his work) I have been denied the request for her to come to me instead.
I’m at a loss now of what I should do, I’m not just some drop kick mother who abandoned her child, Ive been here every step of the way and that’s all me! They have never made any effort to involve me or include me in anything they organise in fact I would have been completely disregarded if I wasn’t always on the ball and asking for updates and information on what is currently going on with her education, health care etc etc. which they legally need to provide me anyway.
Do you think it’s unfair for me to want to change consent orders so that she may be with me equally as much as her father? Do you believe it’s not a great option for kids to be in split care whilst at school?
Please no nasty comments or opinions I’ve left out quite a lot of background info. I understand everyone has their own situations and lifestyles so please don’t judge mine.
Just looking for honest opinions or advice on what you think might be best for a child starting school soon and whether or not you believe it might work. Ive also prepared myself mentally for this not to happen (if it is in her best interest).
4 Replies
I do think it works out to be a bit too much for children (of all ages) to be in 50/50 care between parents. I’ve heard of it being pretty detrimental to a lot of kids behavioural issues because of different rules and boundaries within the two houses they live. Children just aren’t capable of staying on top of two expectations in two different households on a regular basis. And in this instance is when I would have said to you, that it’s pribably not her best interest
HOWEVER, you said something about tour daughter spending a lot of time with her geandmother because of her fathers work commitments and depending on how often that happens... if she’s doesn’t even get the contistant stability from her father currently, then I’d probably say 50/50 between you and her father wouldn’t be too disruptive to her.
That’s all without knowing why she’s with her father most of the time, in the first place.
iagree That it can be disruptive for children having to live in two separate households, but this is where I want to start co parenting. There’s no reason why we can not work together to make sure we have the same set routines etc for her, I think it would be amazing if we could do that but I also understand that it can be extremely hard. I’m willing and wanting to try this even if for now I’m only given one extra day for my week and slowly add on the extra days to make it equal. but her father isn’t interested in the slightest and is so hell bent on having her live with him and his partner. I have even asked numerous times to at least be able to support her financially 50/50 but he won’t accept it, and have recently found out that his mother is currently paying for her daycare fees because he cannot afford it. I can, and I have offered to take over but they won’t accept it. I guess I just feel like I’m being pushed away when I all I want is to be there and be included in my daughters life without having to fight for it all the time.
Sounds like mum and son are hellbent on doing it without you. I wonder if theyve had to for a while so are now used to the struggle but want to be the consistent? I struggle financially but it doesnt mean i want someone else to come in and take over.
If communication with them isnt working, go to mediation. They will look at whats best. I wouldnt put my daughter through two houses but I have the luxury of having the say, and I know all situations are different. If I was frozen out damn sure I would get to court to get my rights and visits set up.
It's really hard to comment without knowing why he has full time care. What are his reasons for not wanting to give you more custody? Is it because it is unsettling for your daughter or because he doesn't have faith in your parenting skills? I would be pissed if my child was with grandma when I could be taking care of her, maybe you need to get this sorted legally through mediation? Why does the father think he can call all the shots (I would say the same if it was a father asking the question)? Time to get it sorted and take the power away from him, good luck, I wish you all the best.