Hi. Am i being selfish..
My friend & partner are struggling. They currently rent & their house was put up for sale within 2 months it sold and now they have to move out 6th of Dec.
They have had no luck in finding a house & my friends partner had a broken wrist so she couldn't work but she has been trying to find something for a few months now.
Anyway I offered her my house. She will rent it off me for a yr to set herself & her partner up to save to buy there own place.
I've known my friend for 8 yrs. I know what she is like & it doesn't bother me. I have OCD & she doesn't but I know she'll respect my house.
But here is my problem I brought my house for the location for my son it's in walking distance to his school & parks.
We will be moving into my partner's house.
My son loves staying there as he gets to play with drums, guitars, play station, & heaps of other big boy toys.
I told my son's father & he thinks I'm not putting my son first. That I'm being selfish.
He thinks my relationship won't last. (They haven't even meet). He doesn't want me to move to another town (only 15 mins) I currently do all the picking up & dropping off so I see no problem.
I've known my partner for 8 yrs we work together. My friend set us up. They have known each other for 30+ yrs.
We've been together for 6 months & it's the most easiest relationship I've ever been in & I normally pick out the faults straight away but he is just perfect. I know he will never hurt me in anyway shape or form. He is just so gentle & doesn't yell like he can't tell my dogs off lol.
My friend is a mess & I hate seeing her like this. Everything is going on the books we are going through a real estate. Because of the timing of the yr I'm letting her move in before all the papers are signed & rent free. I'm not struggling in anyway & she is. I've suggested living with me a few times but honestly I couldn't live with another female let alone 2 lol so I move out.
My partner & I have spoken of our future together but this has just made it happen quicker. He doesn't mind me & my son & 2 dogs moving in.
My motto is you only live once & no regrets. Life is an experience you don't know what's coming so I live for the now..
13 Replies
Is he pissed your moving 15 minutes away or that you and your partner will be living together and hes being jealous?
I don’t think your being selfish at all.
I think more time would have been nice just to adjust to the new family dynamic for your son, but it sounds like he’s adjusting well. Still going to the same school so I think go for it.
The rent will help you pay a mortgage (or save or whatever) and your helping a friend.
I would advise on a side of caution and make sure the papers are signed before she moves In. And make sure she’s paying rent. Force her to live within her means or she may ever move out. If it goes through a real estate thought it will be all taken Care of.
Don’t listen to Dad, your happy, sons happy, partners happy and ex will need t adjust slightly.its 15mins...not a big deal...
Don't let you r ex control you, you do what you feel is right
Im like your ex, it sounds rushed. It didnt come up at all except because your friend is stuck and your partner dowsnt mind. It sounds like youre doing it all for your friend, rent free? Youre paying for it. And he hasnt even met this new partner so no wonder hes worried its all to fast and not about your child.
6 months is a very short time to have been with someone and moving in. Especially with kids involved I definitely can see where dads coming from
You are rushing in and moving in with a man you've only been in a relationship with for six months due to your friend having no where to live, so I agree with ex, you are putting others before your son. If you didn't have a child, I would say go for it, but you do.
I wouldn't move in with someone after 6 months with a child. I know plenty do it.
Of course this wasn't our initial plan. I mean in the future yes we move in with him but I have thought about my son. He adores his new friend. I know it's rushed but sometimes you just can't help it. I know where this relationship is going.
Rent free for my friend is only for a month with x-mas approaching I want her to be able to live with less stress as she is very stressed with unwell family members in & out of hospitals.
I can help greatly & I will.
Poster here sorry
You can help it, this plan isn't happening to you, you are steering this ship. You also don't know where this relationship is going, as you have only been together six months and never even lived together, sharing the responsibilities of every day life. Your son will also get attached quicker by living with this man, you are gambling with his heart. I am sure there have been heaps of success stories beginning like this, there's no certainty either way, but you are effectively rolling the dice and you are not a bystander in this situation, there is no reason why you can't proceed with what you were originally planning, you would just be making your relationship and your son a priority over your friend. Good luck, I honestly hope it works out, some people are bigger risk takers than others, if you are comfortable with the situation, do it.
Everything she said ^^. You absolutely can help it youre the one making the choices. If you time ans circumstance are forcing it then its probably not the right thing to do.
Youve dated him 6 months and fallen in love but your son hasnt done either just he mindful of how fast it all is for him and if it doesnt work out for you he will also have to ride with you out of the situation again.
I wonder if you could put up with house sharing for another three months and slowly transition if it still feels right and maybe your friend will find a place to live and then you can decide if you really want to rent out your house without the pressure? Thats just another option.
I wouldn't say you're being selfish but I can see where your ex is coming from and why he'd be concerned.
If you do decide to rent your house to your friends, make sure you have a lease and set the rent at market value (I'd also have it as a short term contract to start with - maybe a 3 to 6 month trial). Also, consider if it doesn't work out with your partner will you have somewhere to go until the lease is up? And if I'm honest I don't think I'd ever lease my house a friend - mixing business and friendship almost always ends badly (call me cynical but that's my experience anyway)
It's a lot to think about.
I can see both sides. It does sound rushed and too soon especially with children involved. And if I were your ex, I’d be very annoyed.
But I am also a caring kind friend like you and I would want to help my friend out however I could.
I think regardless the choice you make, you’ll be letting someone down. 1. Your friend or 2. Your ex, your son and possibly your new partner for rushing things.
That’s your decision to make.