Help! My 7 year old daughter has anxiety. She is so quiet and shy at school. The teachers describe her as a role model that is a bit too quiet. She lacks self esteem. At home she is so loud and bossy. Ever since she was a baby her tantrums have always been next level. She won’t simply cry it out and time out makes her ten times worse and last ten times longer.
She is normally loving, caring, sympathetic, empathetic, a great big sister, my little best friend. Then it is like something in her changes. Her tantrums are extremely violent, they last hours. Her eyes go dark and empty and it’s like it’s not even her. She bites, hits, kicks, punches, scratches. She tells me she hates me and wants to die. She says she will kill me and mimics killing herself. She says she looks in the mirror and sees fat and ugly. She hurts her brother and I have to protect him while trying to control her. At the time she has no remorse and there is no chance of rationalizing.
Once she calms down or the next day she is remorseful and I can see in her eyes that it upsets her thinking about what she did. She says to me that she can’t think when it happens and can’t calm down. I can see the hurt and frustration in her.
She is currently seeing a child psych and the guidance counsellor at school.
Her friends at school are boys and they are not very nice. We are trying to make her strong enough to walk away when the boys say mean things and not worry about it all day.
Her Dad and I are separated and she just likes being with me so she has never spent a night at his house, ever (her choice). He has been inconsistent but when we talk about that she seems resilient. She says she loves him and if she sees him she’s happy to and if she doesn’t she’s happy. She says as long as she has me and her brother she is good.
She says that she struggles at school. When I talk to her teacher she is doing well. I got her a tutor to help with her self confidence in her school work. Her tutor also says that she is doing well.
The rage and violent outbursts are more regular. Almost daily. They are very extreme and she is very violent. I hold her and she says i’m hurting her and trying to kill her. I explain that I’m keeping everyone safe and if she stops resisting it won’t hurt (this is advice from the child psych - time in not time out).
I have anxiety and now dread every sign of meltdowns. I love her to pieces. I am worried there is more to it. She is uncontrollable and I can’t give her 100% as I also have her brother (who is younger and super confident and not shy at all but gets upset and scared when she hurts him). I have to make sure he is safe and ok too. I am doing these outbursts on my own.
I am so lost and helpless. It is not her, it is like she is possessed and even hisses and snarles when she is violent.
Do I see a psychiatrist? Does anyone have experience here? Any advice or similar experiences would be great to hear.
Once she is calm she doesn’t have the suicidal thoughts or any thoughts of hurting anyone else. Please help!
7 year old girl with extremely violent rage outbursts. Help please!
7 year old girl with extremely violent rage outbursts. Help please!
Posted in:
Mental Health, Kids
5 Replies
If you don't think she's getting enough help go to a paed. It could be something else or it could all be from acute anxiety, she is in fight or flight mode so when she triggers she is physically fighting for her life, she's on pure adrenalin and protection, that's the rage and violence.
You have described lots of traits of my little girl and nothing could help her anxiety, not school support, not fewer days not medication not homeschooling but I kept trying and kept trying, and we are in a really good place right now, back on medication but not being pushed by school this time and it's working, don't stop trying to help her and you will find the way. It's very hard to help anxiety when it gets that high that it's affecting them so badly, as it was explained to me the purpose of medicating is to bring them down from that edge, so they have more tolerance, more time to catch things and can learn and practice techniques, without that time, when they're extreme, on a hair trigger and emotionally explosive, they just even can't begin.
Peadiatrician as your starting point. They sound like anxiety meltdowns and not tantrums. A peadiatrician can prescribe medication for anxiety etc. if the peadiatrician can’t find the right thing then a child psychiatrist.
Yes, I have experience in this. Things can get a lot better.
No expert but my happy go lucky confident 5yo started prep this year then all of a sudden started punching, kicking, chucking tables and chairs at teachers she loves... it was a reasurence thing.. yelling at her didn't work.....we are in the forth term now but it took atlot of talking about feelings, I asked her a few times and she told me.. if I do bad things I go to the principles office and I get to be by myself ..
maybe your babe just needs quiet time? I spoke to the teachers and now they give her " jobs" for her to be alone! And she is thriving
Maybe get her checked for bipolar or schizophrenia. I would be asking to see as many specialists as you can and try and get to the bottom of it because that doesn't sound good at all for her or your family. Good luck
Get to a good paediatrician and have some assessments done. This is a meltdown, not a tantrum. My son has autism and his eyes would look blank when in a meltdown. The sensory overload would come at home, not school. This is quite common, and finally recognized and not just ‘bad parenting’ when at home. Is there more to the not staying with dad thing?
Please get her help, the longer you leave it the harder it gets for her to not disappear into and be labeled ‘the naughty kid’
Keep fighting for her. Don’t listen to what any ‘professionals’ tell you or suggest if it doesn’t sit right with you. You’re the only one who knows her best. Get a good professional support team around you, including the school teachers and support staff