Can we please stop telling children "that's for boys, that's for girls". telling children certain things are for girls and boys like it's a fact is hurting other children who like the oppersit sex clothing. It's confusing your children because I'm sorry but children who dress in oppersit sex clothing are not going anywhere. If your children question something like this please don't shrug it off, ignore it or tease the child. Say something like "so and so's is happy wearing the clothes they like and everyone is different. There is nothing wrong with so and so wearing those clothes" You don't need to believe it's ok but you need to stop leading your children to bully. It's so upsetting the amount of times girls come up to me and my son and say dresses and pink are only for girls and they are so confused because they have been taught to think like that. We need to stop bullying of none gender conforming children and it starts at home
39 Replies
Seriously?! Massive eye roll
Why?
Instead of trying to change the world, and enforce this crap on my kid, how about teaching your kid to be resilient and proud of who he is.
I’m teaching my son to be respectful and inclusive. Yes, he’ll play with your son...no he doesn’t need to follow your sons ethics and beliefs.
My son will play with who he wants and what he wants, not because he “has”to do anything
Agree! Most of us are of course raising our kids to be kind and inclusive but I for one am so sick of everything being overly politically correct!
You can't say boy's toys or girl's toys anymore.
You can't say boy's clothes or girl's clothes anymore.
You can't refer to kids as boys and girls anymore without people getting offended because you just assumed their gender.
Teachers aren't even allowed to say 'good boy/good girl' anymore because apparently it has negative connotations.
Children who conform to traditional masculine or feminine ideals have "supposedly" been conditioned to be this way inclined (this particular attitude really grates my nerves).
When you challenge social norms you need to anticipate negative responses and teach your kid how to deal with it, I'm not saying these comments don't hurt or that they're justified - it's just the reality of the situation.
I never said he did. This is about teaching people not to hate on others nothing about forcing your kid to be anything. I'm asking parents to maybe say things a little different. You Don't want a child to gender bend fine but when you say those clothes can not be worn like its a law it can be damaging. If you don't like what I have to say that's fine move on
While I get where you’re coming from and I do agree that we need to teach our children to be more accepting, I also think it’s important for parents of transgender/whatever, In fact EVERY PARENT, to teach their children how to cope with bullying.
Because let’s face it, you can be bullied for walking across a road these days, it’s not just your transgendered child or someone else’s. It’s ANY child, whoever is an easy target.
The children that bully others have something going on, something else is going on in their life that they feel they need to bring other kids down. Calling other kids names makes them feel more “normal” because “hey he wears dresses or glasses/he has red hair/a birth mark on his forehead/he is fat” and this makes the bully feel better because they don’t think they are any of those things, even though something else is really wrong with that bully. Do you get what I’m saying? It’s only to validate themselves and make themselves feel better, or maybe it’s to fit in and look cool amongst a group of cool kids they want to hang out with.
Regardless, if we can start teaching our kids that bullying ISNT about them, but more about the bully themselves then it will make things a little easier.
Teach kids “what sally says about Susie says more about about Sally then Susie”
Teach kids that it is okay to be themselves. That you’ve got their back because you’re their parent, and they don’t need ANYONE else’s approval.
Teach them to be strong, tell them how strong you know they are. Tell them how proud YOU are. Be their inner voice and it eventually shines through to them.
It doesn’t matter who looks at them funny. If wearing something different, looking different or BEING different makes them happy, they deserve that, and they don’t need anyone else’s approval.
While I teach my kids to be more accepting of children with disabilities or any type of differences, I also set an example for being a very self-aware, self-confident person and I am their inner voices about being badass and confident within themselves.
I feel like you can turn your focus around and instead of focusing on how we parent and how accepting our children are, focus on building yours up. Focus on making them strong and resilient, that starts at home for you. I feel like if you start focusing on all that positivity about self-growth and self-awareness/acceptance, then you won’t worry so much about us and what we teach our children. And neither will your child.
So you’re saying it’s up the victim of bullying to toughen up, be more resilient? Instead of telling the bully to stop verbally/physically attacking people who are different to them?
I’m sure if you experienced abuse in all areas of your life, no matter how resilient you were, as an adult, it would wear you down...
I definitely think we need to teach children acceptance of people who are different to them but in saying that I find that my four year old is quite influenced by day care. Perhaps it's because she might have a lot of sass but if I say something like "shorts aren't only for boys" she will disagree with me. She seems to disagree with me on everything!! Haha. But I agree that we need to teach children acceptance of others...although in practice it doesn't always work out this way!!
No matter how you live your life, there will be people who vehemently disagree with your life choices.
Resilience is key (and I tell you what, it is a dying art form).
You need to worry about what you teach your son, not what we teach our kids - because try as you might, you have no control over it whatsoever (sorry to be blunt but it's true).
You don't want to raise a kid who only knows how to be a victim. You want to raise a kid who's confident in his choices and accepts himself as he is. Teach him to walk to the beat of his own drum with zero fucks given!
I heard a saying once and it always stuck with me "The wolf doesn't concern its self with the opinions of sheep". Maybe that needs to be your new mantra!
Op here. I do teach my son resilience but the comments can still hurt. There is only so much a person can take. Alot of children, teens and adults and committing suicide because of the hate. I've read articles about how little boys crossdressing is common but when they hit 5 they should stop because they realise gender differences. I find that silly because girls who prefer the boys section often continue as they are without as much hate. They're called tomboys and left too it. Boys are referred to a sissy, gay, girly, disgusting and things need to change. I find alot of it starts with the parents. I see their looks, hear their comments and this kids pic up on it. What people need to ask themselves "is it my buisness and do I want an innocent child bullied just because they're different"
Look, I get what you're saying. As a parent I know it hurts to see your child being ostracized (for whatever reason) but we can't control the way other people view us. The world IS changing - for the most part people are very tolerant and accepting now, I mean it's 2017 and people are more diverse than they've ever been. That said, there are always going to be narrow minded people who aren't shy about expressing their disdain for this type of thing. No amount of pleading will change this. Better to let it slide off your back than to get upset by it.
I'm just saying it's probably better to focus your efforts on building your son up and teaching him why people bully or be mean, usually it's about dominance, fear of things they don't understand or some other thing going on in their lives.
Bullying is wrong, yes. It is an age old issue and even in this day and age with all the Anti bullying programs there's no sign of this epidemic abating. We shouldn't have to teach our kids how to deal with bullies, just like we shouldn't have to lock our doors but we do!
Well I agree that lecturing wont get the message across, it just gets people's backs up, defensive and putting the blame back on you, as seen here through out his thread.
Op might consider rewriting it without telling others what to do but inspiring teaching acceptance by sharing her story and why her boy wears a dress and how the hate affects them and what she wants people to know, spread understanding that way.
I have rewritten it but I guess not well enough. Will rewrite it before it goes on fb haha
No need to change it. You’ve opened up and good on you. Challenging the status quo, not that you want to, but you love and support your kid, so do what you have to in order to give him a good life. As we all deserve!
The amount of patriarchal views expressed on this topic hurts my heart. We have a fucking long long way to go, considering the attitude in this so called supportive imperfect Mum group. I had to stop reading. So many closed minded un-enlightened sheeple. It’s a bloody disgrace!
There’s your answer, these are the mums right here who are raising the bullies. The shitty attitude begins at home people...😡
I hope you continue educating others and advocating for your son. If wearing a dress means he is gay or transgender so what, but it also does not mean he won’t be heterosexual either. Do girls who are considered ‘tomboys’ all end up gay? No they don’t. So why all this crap about boys and ‘turning them gay’? A lot of homophobes saying shit like that dick head religious nut against safe schools Vic “I’m open with my kids but...” 🤮
I honestly find the boys wear blue, girls wear pink stuff ludicrous. Girls activities/boys activities etc.
ive literally watched parents telling there children off for wanting a toy that wasn't the 'correct' colour.
I do agree but I have seen the opposite as well. People who force their daughters into liking super heroes and "cool" stuff rather than dolls. Both are not ok.
You can't force a child to do anything. They might try to encourage it and manipulate but they can't actually make her like it. If she likes superheroes that's coz she likes them.
Yeah no, I'm talking about parents who will refuse to let their daughter buy dolls and girly stuff (when the daughter wants them) it happens more than you think (I work with kids)
Girls liking superheroes is fine but it's perfectly ok for a little girl to like pretty pink princess stuff and dolls as well.
I was bullied renlentless in high school, for saying no to a boy on the first day of year 8, I never knew the boy and hadn't even spoken to him. I was called a lesbian for 5 whole years, I gained weight and then they started calling me fat. You know what I grew up. I grew to love myself. I have taught my kids to accept everyone I have children with Autism who are not accepted by everyone. So I don't get your post being exclusive to one type of child. We as a people as a country as a world need to accept everyone for who they want to be, for who they are, for how they are. But we also need to teach our kids resilience, we need to teach them to accept that not everyone is going to like them, that not everyone is going to be nice to them. We as adults need to learn to keep our prejudices to ourselves but not everyone is going to. We first and foremost are the ones to teach our children that they are perfectly fine how they are and that we don't want them to change anything about themselves. We cannot expect everyone to be our kids cheerleaders. We know there are douche bags in the world. We cannot change their way of thinking nor what they teach their children but come rain hail or shine we can teach our children to be strong and fierce and how to fight for themselves and if they can't we have to fight for them!!
Those girls are not the ones confused! What are you doing to your child? What is the world coming to, seriously? You are setting your child up for some serious abuse by his peers. He will have a living hell of a childhood and fall into a deep depression and possibly be suicidal. Tell him its ok to wear these things at home, and when he's an adult he can choose to wear whatever he wants. Please don't do this to your child.
I'm not doing anything to him. He is not forced to wear these clothes. He chooses to. Actually not allowing a child to express themselves is actually what causes depression which has been studied and proven over the past 30 or so years.
No, I'm sorry but I have worked in schools and worked one on one with children who have been relentlessly bullied and the damage from abuse is far greater than any other. There are children/teens out there that are so cruel. We can avoid them in the real world but they can't be avoided at school. One child I worked with had 4 in his class that would take it in turns, as soon as one was moved away the other would start and it was so quietly done. This child was constantly hurting himself out of frustration. Its not your old fashioned name calling and pointing anymore. I wouldnt wish it on anybody and i wouldn't let my child be a target.
If we allow others to decide what we do and wear then society will never move forward and those that decide to do it later in life as adults will get bullied more. Would you expect a childs parents to get them plastic surgery if they had something different about the faces or bodies that kids made fun of? We need to stop changing people just to make others happy. Like someone said above about resilience there will always be something people will tease about. You need to actually watch videos about boys and girls who were forced into their genders clothing and how it effected them and how they were so depressed they felt like committing suicide. Can't win.
Maybe you should watch videos of parents who have had to bury their kids from suicide from bullying, or maybe the aftermath of a mass school shooting where some kid had finally had enough and snapped. You can't change the world with a post telling everyone to teach their kids to be more accepting. There are parents out there who would be your childs bully themselves and bring your child up for a laugh. Hows that kid that wears dresses to school?
So why teach our children that they need clothes at all? Society tells us that we need to be clothed, why aren't we teaching our children that they don't have to wear clothes to the shop, school or Aunt Jennys wedding? Please teach your children to not stare if we are out and about butt naked. We are expressing ourselves and living our true identity. And please dont let them call me a woman just because I have breasts and a vagina, or assume my children are "boys" because they have a penis. This will highly offend me and my non gender conforming, vegan feminist family and friends.
Lmao thry can't see your children's penis so how woild they know. That's a ridiculous to compare nakedness and clothed. Of cause people need to be clothed for many different reasons but wearing the clothes they like there is nothing wrong with that. I teach my child he can wear what he likes as long as it's weather appropriate and protects him from the sun and he has correct shoes. Colours and styles shouldn't matter. Men have been wearing dresses and skirts as far as we can go back in history. It's only in some countries today that it's suddenly not ok. In many countries men still wear dresses and skirts of some form. Look into korean fashion from the past. They had komonos like japanese but the mens and womans were very similar and men wore many soft colours.
How is it different? If we need to be teaching our children not to conform to societys expectations, then shouldn't nudity be an option for your childs choice of expression since it is an expectation from society that we should be clothed?
It's not an expectation it's a law. Besides of cause its different. Clothes are needed to protect our bodies from the sun and the cold. Please stop clutching at straws
Suncream, hats. Its always the perfect temp in my local shopping centre. Why is it the law? Because society has told us we need to wear clothes and we now see our bodies as sexual objects, not just bodies like they are.
Go out naked then, I'm not going to stop you 😁
Homosexuality was against the law too once upon a time.
Dude, even cave people fashioned themselves clothes and shoes.
Something tells me it wasn't because of societal expectations 😂😂
No, there are alot of cultures that don't traditionally wear clothing only for cold protection. Aboriginal tribes, african tribes, Indian, asian. It is very much a religious based expectation that we wear clothing and have this ideal that we should be covered.
It is not considered socially acceptable for males to wear dresses in Australian culture and that is a fact not bullying!
How old is this child?
Yes, I want to know if it is a teen wanting to be themselves (which could be psychologically damaged wearing boys clothes if they are in fact transgender) or a little boy who happens to like wearing dresses sometimes (which most of them do). My nine year old boy was wearing my bra around the house the other day and loves wearing my high heels because of the clunk noise they make, but I wouldn't let him down the shops or to school in them. Need much more info to comment if it is child or mother's agenda at work here.
Everyone read this https://thoughtcatalog.com/charlie-morrigan/2012/11/boys-arent-supposed-...
What age are the children?
Bullying is never ok but age also plays a major factor in it and also the responses given. How old is your son?