my partner and i have been together 6 years we have 2 children and one on the way (i'm only 10weeks) our relationship seems to just keep falling apart i dont feel attracted to him i'm no longer in love with him. i keep saying its over and asking to leave but he wont accept it and tells me stop being stupid which pushes me away more.
i know its not right to stay somewhere i'm not happy my highschool sweetheart has just gotten back into contact with me and i feel so happy calm and like i've found the one who respects and appreciates me and makes me feel loved. i do still in my heart love my highschool sweetheart he was my first love, in a heartbeat i'd leave to be with him.
The problem with me leaving is my partner has said if i leave townsville he will get a court order saying i cant leave townsville cause of the kids, i'd be ok with that if i had friends and family here but i don't they are all down south i gave up my life for my partner and kids and now i think i've made the biggest mistake of my life cause i dont love him i haven't for a few years but stayed cause im scared i'll have no where to go and no1 to turn to. It gets to the stage where i want to just book flights and run away but it can never happen as i don't have money and i know it will make it worse. i'd rather leave now while my kids are little then let them see mummy and daddy dont love each other and dont sleep in the same bed. i want to give my kids the best i can but i cant do that here where im unhappy cranky and resentful against the other half.
What can i do? is there anyone i can talk to in townsville without leaving my home as i dont have a licence. and is there any organisation who can help me leave without causing drama for me and him. any help or advice is appreciated.
5 Replies
Firstly, don't run away with the childhood sweetheart. If you leave you need to leave and be on your own first. Childhood sweethearts are not a fair comparison to what you have now, living day in day out with someone. Of course some guy you knew while your hormones were running riot, and didn't have kids or responsibilities is tempting. So whatever you do take that slow (you broke up for a reason right?). Firstly get yourself some free legal advice. Most states have free phone services that can give you general advice. Also find out what your entitled to from centrelink etc. make a plan based on that info. Your going to cause some drama (who wouldn't be hurt, but jumping into something with the ex will make things even worse). Check out the rental market where you are living and any housing assistance programs in your area. Also you don't need a lot of money to leave, you are entitled to money from joint bank accounts etc and some states help with bond for rent etc. BTW why do you need permission to leave? That's totally your decision to be in or out of the relationship.
Be very careful with this decision. Packing up and taking your two children away from their bio dad and moving to a different state and bringing them around a man they dont know sounds a bit risky. And like many other stories i've read on here people always say the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Don't separate for someone else, you need to leave if it's truly what you want and you know there is no hope in sight ie. have tried counselling but it isn't working. I do hope it all works out. I would try and talk to your current partner now, really try and make it clear that this is the end and try and separate in a mature and calm way.
You need to call a lawyer. I personally wouldn't be leaving the state until you are completely seperated and know what you can and can't do legally.
As far as the high school sweetheart goes I would not be getting into any type of relationship until your life is in order with your children after the seperation.
There is no way you can seperate a family without drama. Its hard and emotional. Good luck xx
Love is a choice. It's a choice you make everyday to love the person you have chosen to make a life with. When you make that choice the feeling of love will follow. Things begin to change in your relationship because you have chosen to love no matter what. (Obviously this doesn't apply to relationships involving abuse)
Sometimes this choice is the hardest decision you will ever make. I've been married 5 years and there are days where I can't stand to see the sight of my husband because every thing about him is annoying me like crazy. But then I remember the choice I made all those years ago, and the beautiful daughter we have made and how my decision to leave would impact her, I make the decision to choose love and eventually my heart catches up.
Yes leaving is so much easier, and it may be awhile before you 'feel' love again, but if you decide to leave your partner for this other man you will find the same thing will happen. One day you will wake up and you won't be 'in love' anymore.
No relationship that involves children can end without 'causing drama'. Do you really want to bring your children up in an environment where they learn that love and relationships aren't worth fighting for? Please think about how your decision will affect your children and give your relationship everything you can before leaving.
Think of your kids first not your own feelings. They need a father and if your husband is a good father you should make every effort.