Follow up on what should I do about the new guy I was seeing who didn't seem to respect my feelings...
Thank you to all the IMs who commented.
At the time we had only been on one date, but it was more than a normal date... We'd already been messaging for a week prior and the conversations were long and constant that went on until the early hours of the morning. So the date was the same and I ended up staying over (with nothing else happening other than a kiss).
Then later in a conversation, he started saying things that disregarded my feelings and left me quite upset and hurt.
Most of you told me "red flags", "run".
My first time dating after being single for nearly 3 years, so I didn't like being made to feel like crap after such a short time of meeting someone. But I gave him another shot.
It's been a couple more weeks and unfortunately things haven't got any better. We have a good time when we are together. We get along great in every other way. But their have been quite a few more incidents where again my feelings don't matter at all, he has ignored me for 2 days over something so minor like I didn't go over and see him - I was sick my kids were at their Dads, but I still said I'd go around later if he really wanted me to. He tells me he's not well, his kids are misbehaving, he's having a shit day and I empathise with him, but if I tell him the same then it's "yep me too" or the subject is changed.
Now it's the fact that my kids Dad came over to see them. My ex wants me back, has realised he made huge mistakes but wants us to try again. That's not happening, I don't feel the same. I've told him that and I've told the new guy he has nothing to worry about. We're open and honest with each other, I've got nothing to hide. But he started saying hurtful things and all I was doing was trying to reassure him of my feelings for him, so I asked if he could be respectful of my feelings like I am of his, but he continued with the crap.
Sorry for the novel! All that to say, yes red flags before, definite red flags now! I'm going back to being single and honestly don't care if I'm single FOREVER! 😂
4 Replies
My favourite saying is 'when someone shows you who they are, believe them'.
We give people too many chances and want to excuse there shitty behaviour, then wonder why they are shitty assholes when we marry them!
I'm so proud of you for recognising who he is and accepting that is who he is and moving on.
There are loads of great people out there but single is far better than someone who treats you badly..
Good on you for realising you deserve better. It is better being single in your own comfortable world than to have the drama and upset of being with someone that doesn't respect and care about your feelings. Those are basics for me and massive red flags. Take care :-)
Yup! Big red flags! I believe he was trying to emotionally manipulate you by trying to make you feel guilty so he can control you. When people feel guilty they tend to go 'above and beyond' to try and satisfy the person they apparently wronged.
You've done the right thing and I'm so proud of you, you deserve so much better! Don't ever let anyone emotionally manipulate you xx
Huge high fives for seeing you deserve so much better!!! Well done you!
You will not be single forever. One day the right person will come along. In the meantime though, just remember being single is one thousand times better than being with someone who treats you poorly.
The stress and hurt just make your life miserable. Xxx