Hi all. Not really sure about this, but here it goes....looking for some advice and suggestions I guess. My partner and I have been separated for 18 months. We have 2 kids, 3.5 yrs and 10 months. He doesn't have the children overnight for various reasons. He has informed me he is in a "relationship" which has been over the phone and FB for 1-2 months. He has seen her in person once. This woman seems quite desperate to meet me and especially the kids, which isn't sitting that well with me. I suppose it just seems way too soon and presumptuous after only seeing him once. My question I guess is how long do you think is appropriate before introducing very young children to a new relationship and how should it be done? I am new to this situation but am being made to feel like the crazy ex for not wanting to have anything to do with this at the moment! Thanks everyone! From a confused mumma!
Introducing very young kids to a new relationship?
Introducing very young kids to a new relationship?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Parenthood Guilt, Baby & Toddler, Kids
4 Replies
1-2 months is definately not appropriate in my opinion, especially being that he's only seen her once in person. What the heck? Even if he had seen her more than once, I dont think that is long enough. There is no telling how long you will be with a person in such a short amount of time. I would hate for him to introduce your children to her (especially your eldest) on numerous occasions only to be ripped from their lives a short time later. Its too confusing for them. And who does this woman think she is being desperate to meet them!? She has no say in the matter whatsoever. The decision is between you and your ex. I have never been in the situation on either side but when my husband and I split, I wondered what would he suitable. I even questioned 6 months, but for me that would be bare minimum!
1-2 months seems fast to me. If they are seeing each other face to face once a week or more then an intro might be appropriate as it would be natural for him to invite her on an outing with the kids at that point. Remember though you trusted this man enough to have 2 kids with him.
I think that if she wants to meet the kids it should be done in a neutral place such as the park. She should be introduced as a friend and I don't think it's a good idea to let the kids have too much contact with her until it's a really stable long term relationship.
For me it was the opposite. I was the new girlfriend and the 'crazy ex' wanted to meet me. I wish I never went there! I've been with my partner for 4 years and I'm very happy but she has made things painful.
I'd be cautious. As a mother I can understand wanting to know who is going to be interacting with my children and I've been there. My ex has had numerous girlfriends and I've met most of them. But since they have only seen each other once in person it seems way to presumptuous to me. It's really a bit much too ask... That is assuming he is telling the truth about that. Men lie. Why he would I don't know but they do.
Anyway. I'd have to say wait around six months before introducing children to new partners. Otherwise there is the possibility that they will meet many and it's actually not fair on them or the new partner. I had a hard time after splitting with my last ex because I really missed his kids. More than him in fact. It's affected me now because I have put up a wall between my current partners children and myself. Then there is more to consider. Does she have children? This brings in more to consider.
No way! Just wait I say. What's the rush?