The older I get, the less things about myself bother me.
When you're young, you stress so much about things. It really feels like the end of the world that your nose is a little too big or your thighs rub together when you walk.
As a teen, you might be the chubby girl in class or the boy with the horrible acne and at the time, it truly feels like the worst thing in the world. It really sucks that it's going to take a decade for you to realise that those things you stressed about, those things you looked at in the mirror for hours on end and wished and prayed would change, those things you were teased for, They meant nothing in the long run.
Someone once asked me if I could go back in time and talk to my 15 year old self, what would I say? I said I didn't know at the time, but I did.. I would tell her that she is beautiful, that those bullies didn't know shit. That she is intelligent and worth so much more than she thinks she is. That she should stop measuring her worth in the opinions of others. That she should apply herself to school and fucking shine because she can. Because she's worth it.
I would tell her that High School isn't real life. In 5 years, those little things that consumed you and kept you up at night won't matter anymore. I would tell her that real life is a struggle too, it will throw things at you that you think you can't handle.. but you will. And with each curve ball, you will regather. You will be stronger. You will jump off cliffs expecting to fly and sometimes you will bounce instead. You will make mistakes and learn from them, but it will be okay. Bouncing can be a win too, as long as you learn from it and it doesn't defeat you.
But as much as I wish I could tell my 15 year old self these things, I can't. She had to learn with time.
3 Replies
I wish I could go back and scream at 15 year old me!
I'd tell myself to not have sex, not with him! He isn't worth it and will leave you a few weeks after. You're so young and fragile and you aren't mentally ready. Wait until you're 17 when you meet your first serious boyfriend because you two fall madly in love. It doesn't work out but that's because you both have different life goals and it is completely amicable.
Don't cut yourself, all of those tears aren't worth it and you're causing others pain. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you've done nothing wrong. Seek help and make sure you're okay. Ask your mum for help because she is your best friend and will always be.
Start eating properly, you're so skinny and unhealthy and you can't see it. You'll look back in 10 years time and realise just how sick you were. You aren't fat, not at all. Stop thinking you are and that gaining 5 kilos is the end of the world. Gain 20 kilos if you need to girl!
I'd tell 15 year old me to pull her head in.
I'd tell her that sneaking off to go drinking, getting stoned, shoplifting, having casual sex,smoking, and being generally rebellious won't change the hard stuff going on at home. I'd tell her to tell someone what was going on at home, there are people who can help.
I'd tell her that education is important and trying desperately to be a 'cool kid' is not.
I'd tell 15 year old me that being a bitch to other people for momentary gratification won't make you feel better about yourself in the long run, in fact you'll hate yourself and lose sleep over it. It's not worth that moment of vindictive pleasure.
I'd tell her to stand up for herself and to stop trying to get approval from people who are cruel to you, don't even listen to their shitty opinions.
I'd tell her that people she thought were her good friends, best friends in fact - are not. Friends don't manipulate you, friends don't talk shit about you when you're not around, friends don't deliberately try to embarrass you. Real friends don't make you feel like there's conditions to being their friend. I'd also tell her she has good, caring friends, she just needs to treat them better or She'll lose them.
I'd tell her moving in with her boyfriends family at 16 is a huge mistake, you'll take yourself out of a bad situation to a worse one. They are bad, bad people.
I'd tell her getting pregnant at 17 and giving birth just after your 18th birthday will be the hardest thing you ever do and adding 2 more babies in the next 2 years is insane but you'll never know love like it. I'd tell her not to worry about being a good mum and don't let judgmental people get you down, they ate wrong.
Above all I'd tell her to love herself and respect herself, it will all be OK one day.
I'd tell her the right words she'd need to get some help. I'd listen to her.
So many times I cried out for help at that age, but I wasn't heard so help never came.
I'd also tell her to use TWO forms of contraception always. Some people seem to get away with one or none even, I'm not one of those people.
Oh and when a certain thing happens, it's not about you. It's not because you were not good enough, or because you did something wrong. It will make so much more sense when you are older. You are better off that it happened.