My partner and I can't agree on something quite silly actually.
If your child was talking to their other parent on the phone and your child spoke to you rudely, does their other parent have the right to say something or should they be minding their own business because what happens in your house is your responsibility to deal with?
I personally think the other parent should be minding their business and have no issues in telling them so. my partner however, believes that the other parent has every right to say something because you don't stop being a parent just because the child isnt in your care. Which I do get to some extent but your parental responsibility stops when the other parents time starts and unless the child is in danger you need to mind your business...
What are your thoughts?
The other parent minding their own business
The other parent minding their own business
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Behaviour, Kids
12 Replies
This is really hard and comes down to whether each parent is in an established parenting role and working together and respecting each other, and the relationship wih the child, but honestly trying to tell a child off over the phone is pointless. But saying something like, hey are you being respectful to your mum? Is ok because no parent can really mind their business when it comes to interactions with their kids, it is their business.
Then you have to consider the effect it has on the coparenting relationship to tell them to mind their business and that the child is not in their care so not their business :/
Another solution is to not talk to the child while on the phone, let them have a private conversation so putting the child in the middle over the phone is avoided.
Your partner is absolutely right! Your parental responsibility never stops!
If I were in this situation, I'd 100% want the other parent to back me up,
the same if I were on the phone to my child and they were rude to their Dad, I'd tell them not to be rude and listrnt to their dad.
Everyone in your kids life who has a parental role needs to be united and on the same page, that will only benefit your child.
I don't think telling the other parent to mind their own business is the best way to foster a positive co-parenting relationship either!
I get that it's probably a bit irritating but ultimately it's great your child's other parent is willing to help with discipline when it's needed!
It's got nothing to do with "rights". A parent is a parent. In person, over the phone, over the internet, still a parent and still has the responsibility of raising their child including reprimands for poor behaviour. In the scenario mentioned I'd call this one "got your back" rather than interfering.
I think it's great the other parent backs up the parent, even though they aren't together. Your responsibility never stops when you have a child, whether they are with you or not, you never stop being their parent. I also think this shows an awesome coparenting relationship, my ex and I can't discuss stuff like this, we say the bare minimum we have to and that's it. I think your partner is a great dad for stepping up and helping when he isn't with he kids. How many times do you see when father is away at work (still together) and children him with mum driving her bonkers and father gets on the phone and tells them to be good for mum. I think you have a very narrow view of parenting.
There is a line here.
I think it's great if the other parent says something like 'don't talk to your mother like that'. Kids need to know that they can't divide and conquer especially in the teen years. If the parents can work together with discipline that is much better for the kids in the long run.
However if the parent is undermining your authority that is totally different.
The sad fact is that most parents can't work together which is so sad for the kids.
Yes Ive also seen it done by a dad that was mostly out ofthe picture, had few scheduled phone calls and rare interstate visits so spending his smalltime he had telling the child off was wrong and ineffective but i guess he wanted to feel like a parent.
Over the phone is very hard, one line is ok, telling them off is only going to strain the call.
Your partner is right. You dont stop parenting because kids are at school you are still a mum or dad so why is this different? Having the other parent say something to a child about being disrepectful is to me showing respect to the other parent and the child knows he/she wont get away with it no matter where they at. Letting it go says its ok to be disrepectful. Theres enough of that in society as it is.
Of course they have the right to say something. If my ex calls his kids and they start getting lippy to me in person when he's on the other end of the phone and listening to what they're saying he surely does tell him to speak nicer to me. That it's not ok. Hes still their dad, he wasn't very nice to me back when we were together but he also knows I won't accept it from the kids.
Personally I don't see this as an issue at all. In fact I appreciate the backup from the ex (he has dont this a couple of times and I just let him go). They go through stages and phases but the truth is they say things that are unacceptable and there's always a shock factor when someone from the outside pulls them up :-) I am very close to my sister and have a couple of friends that are as good as. I have no issue with them saying "honey, there's always a nicer way to say things". Unless he is too abrasive and over-reacting to the situation then I'd be thankful.
Yes I would pull my child up if they talked rudely to anyone. Regardless of whether it is the other parent or a friend or a shop assistant.
A parent is a parent. I would absolutely pull them up if I were on the phone and they were mouthing off to their Dad, whether we're together or not. It's about teaching them all to show respect and if the tables were turned I would absolutely applaud their Dad. Different story if it's another relative having a go, only me and Dad do the bum kicking.
If you have a parenting on/off switch, then you aren't a real parent.