Why is it that a simple, innocent cuddle before rolling over and going to sleep always somehow ends up with his dick jabbing me in the stomach or butt and then him hitting and poking me with it like this will somehow get me aroused?! (Side note: Why do men think this will turn us on?!) And then his fingers working his way into my pants and touching me there..... like ugghhh no. Just no. Literally JUST got the baby down to sleep like not even 5 mins ago and my eyes are puffy and swollen. Like I'm so tired. But not just tired.... exhausted. And I've been breastfeeding like all night. I am not in the mood. I just wanted me a little bit of lovin' but not that sort of loving. Just some sweet, innocent cuddling... The thought of your "thing" touching me and your hands working their way inside of me, like just no. Not interested buddy!!!
Who else here has zero sex drive postpartum? And do you ever get it back lol?
13 Replies
It's great your husband still wants you and is so attracted to you. He also had needs and wants and it seems like he's trying really hard :)
I don't think it's anything to complain about.
Trying hard to get a root!
Wow, I would LOVE to be in your position! I keep getting rejected and it sucks. My man has hardly any sex drive at all and I feel ugly and unwanted.
I think you need to be thankful your hubby is still clearly attracted to you. If your sex drive is low, see a doctor for help.
She's just had a fucking baby! 🙄
You don't say how old your baby is. I've had a blanket rule no sex for 6 weeks after my babies. Physically I could probably handle it but emotionally I didn't need the pressure of sex on top of everything else a new baby brings. My husband was great with that.
I think for men the physical side of the relationship means a lot more to them - my husband explains it that it's when he feels connected to me and in that moment he has my full attention. So yes - there are times when I'm exhausted and feel like I've had someone attached to me all day but I make that time for my husband. And yes your sex drive comes back - well it did for me once bubs started sleeping longer stretches at night and you start to feel a bit more like yourself and less like a milking cow 😂
I can see it from both points of veiw.
You're exhausted, sex can sometimes feel like one extra chore after you've had a baby.
But perhaps hubby wants to maintain that intimacy (men can sometimes make misguided attempts at this, I agree there's nothing sexy at all by being prodded in the back with his junk lol).
There's gotta be some sort of meeting in the middle compromise, sex after children is something that you need to put more effort into than pre kids. You both need to be considerate of each others needs too.
Nope you're not alone and it OK to feel like this! Hubby needs to understand and accept it at times. Sometimes we just want a damn hug nothing more.
I'm not sure how old your baby is but both times I had a newborn, there was NO sex and NO sexual activity before they were 4 months because I was literally repulsed by the idea and I even had two csections, lol
The exhaustion and breastfeeding is what I put it down to (or at least use as an excuse).... completely okay, so long as it does come back eventually
He may not be able to control getting hard when you have snuggles, it sometimes something that happens when couples get close, but you need to be firm with him regarding what you want. Tell him "Honey, I really just want a cuddle, I'm completely touched out and not in the mood for sexy time. Please just cuddle me." He needs to respect that you're not up for being touched like that.
If this was my situation I might offer up a hand job or something to make him feel good, but that's by no means something you need to do.
How your feeling is normal and to be expected. And yes it does come back. Might help to create a schedual for the time being. Like Sexy Saturday, Wanking Wednesdays, and wanking every other day, so you get some much needed space and sleep until things settle down a bit more with baby . Or you could have more sex nights if you think you can manage. There were times I'd tell him he had two minutes and then was on his own. This turnt him off abit, but I was willing to give him some lovin, but couldn't fake it. It's difficult. Also, tell him how you feel. That have hve low or no sex drive, it's not him causing it, it's just normal after having a baby and it will get better. Hopefully he understands and respects. Making schedualed sex nights will also take pressure off of both of you, so he knows whats going on and why amd you know he will just leave you alone and give you an innocent cuddle and thats it. And yes, you mojo and energy levels will return eventually, and woth avengence when it does
Get him to read up on the changes that women go through, also the fact that while men are up and ready to go at a moment's notice, women need time to warm up.
He needs to create intimacy, to spend time with you, helping you with bub, talking, caressing, massaging, all the while keeping his dick firmly in his pants, thus allowing you to initiate sex at your own pace. When will these idiot blokes learn 🙄
My baby is now 15 months and I still have no sex drive. I am not the slightest bit interested, and would be quite happy with nothing at this point. My partner is really needing sex so we agreed to have 2 sex days a week. It actually makes things a bit better coz he knows he's getting it those 2 nights, and I know I don't have any pressure about potentially having something happen the other 5 nights. Which also means if I want to hug or spoon him I can safely do it without him thinking it's leading on to something else. Sometimes I just want a cuddle without the sex! And I also hate the ol hand down the pants trick...they mustn't realize that when we aren't in the mood it can actually hurt! Argh men! Lucky we love them :)
I could of written this a year ago, I felt the same way didn't want sex very tired always up with bub. All I can say is you will get your sex drive back I have 3 kids 5,3, 18 months and I finally want to have sex it's a great feeling. But please don't just do it to make him happy . And Dont listen to the ladies who say he will go looking elsewhere if he does that he is not worth it.