Single mum and not working, budgeting is tough. I honestly tell my youngest how much goes out and what we have left for the week.
Makes life easier them knowing we can't afford something and teaches him to save.
Child support as now been reduced, so redo the budget.
Would you tell child of the change knowing that the assessment isnt right and dad's income is lower than it should be?
It's not to make dad look bad, he's done that himself and child as seen that.
14 Replies
No, not ever would I talk about child support with my child. Find a way to say your income has been reduced without mentioning child support.
It puts the child in a terrible position. They can't do anything about how much dad pays, the child then feels guilty because dad doesn't pay as much.
Child support should not ever be discussed with the child. Just like a child shouldn't know daddy or mummy had an affair. It damages them.
Personally I wouldn't. I am all for educating children on the value of money and budgeting though. It's very important.
No i dont think its right to talk indepth about the budget to a child, thats adult worries a child shouldnt carry.
No way. Why would you ever think that's appropriate.
How old is your child?
There's a big difference in maturity and suitable comprehension between a young child and say a 17 yr old still receiving child support.
If your child is still young then I'd use this as a way to explain money and it's use etc to them, i.e.this toy / activity / outing costs money and at the moment mum doesn't have the money because mum pays for our food / house etc and that's what we need and love don't we?
If your child is older they may understand the same concept, mum needs to pay for all the necessary bills / food etc and at the moment that doesn't give me the extra money to pay for extras you'd like.
As hard as it is it's better to stay neutral and do what you can and be he best mum you can be!
One of the saddest things I've seen was a mother telling her kids that they couldn't buy an icecream because there dad hadn't paid child support. Apparently one child's dad had paid, because he got an icecream.
Kids internalise everything. You tell your son this and he will interpret that as 'my dad doesn't even love me enough to pay his child support properly'. I can guarantee by what you say, your child already as internalised all the reasons his dad doesn't love him, he had enough without you adding this to it to. Just another way for you son to not feel worthy or good enough.
Or even simpler than that is ' we dont have enough money because of me'. So you think he understands the budget but thats going on inside.
No way! My kids don't even mention child support, they have no idea. My stepsons mother DOES talk about child support with him, he is 12 and because she has to pay my partner she is constantly in this poor kids ear about how much she has to pay his Dad so that's how much he should be spending on him. She has him asking for all sorts of things and when dad says no he pulls out the , "Well mum pays you child support you should be buying it". All she's doing is turning him into self entitled little brat. Don't even go there, from either paying parent or receiving it's so wrong and makes the kids feel like they have a $ amount on their head.
Hmmmmmm, before I read all the comments I was going to say yes.
As a child, I was my mums best friend and she told me everything, including things such as child support but in turn, I grew up very quickly because I was never let to just be a kid. I had a lot of worries on my shoulders. Not that I see that as a bad thing because I truly believe that has shaped who I am and how I am with all my life decisions.
While I don't think it's right to blame your child's father for not having those extra things, I also don't think it's right to lie. So if you can find a happy medium where you can say that Daddy couldn't afford to give enough money this week.. blah blah. Depending on the age of your child of course...
I think giving your child an understanding that money doesn't grow on trees is a really good lesson to learn, as is teaching him about budgets, prioritizing your money and saving up for special things but I don't think you should specifically tell him the ins and outs of the child support arrangements or of your personal financial details.
I think just saying something along the lines of "our budget has changed, we can't afford a lot of treats etc. at the moment" but only if he questions it, I'm of the belief that our financial worries should not become our kids burden.
I eventually had to talk to my son about money/budget/child support. My ex told my son, if you want it mum should buy it because I give her money to spend on you! Now I have to divide that money between 3 children and although he has a favourite child, I don't! So none of my children get the whole amount of CS spent on them at any one time. I sat down with my son and told him that although yes his dad gives his mum money to look after him it wasn't to be spent soley on gaming things as he also has a brother and sister and they are not gamers. I showed him our budget and how much came in vs how much went out every fortnight. He eventually understood and it made it easier to bargain with him. Now he does chores and doesn't expect me to buy him a new game/head set every time his dad gets a new one or he breaks one (yes it happens) his little brother has broken them before but sometimes during a meltdown (he has Autism) i only told him because of what his dad had said and now he is very aware that even though the money comes in if we spend it wisely it will be better for all of us not just him.
My ex involves the kids, its a shit move, he always gives cash in front of them or even gives it to them to hand to me, makes sure they see it but they dont know the value of it or that its nothing, they see he gives the money so its really unfair I hate it but I still refuse to involve them. I say daddy pays for your swimming lessons this term, thanks daddy! I find that a simple way to separate his involvement from our everyday finances.
Certainly not. By all means, teach your kid to appreciate the value of money and that not everyone has plenty, however I would never ever discuss actual figures or WHY there isn't enough money.
Instead, I'd look into alternatives. Or about saving, focus on something else. I remember growing up and we would have our money boxes with our pocket money or birthday money in them and we had to save for things. I can remember times mum had to go into them and take money out (whilst we were at school) and put an IOU in. She always told us it as because she had no coins or smaller notes but looking back it was actually because she had no money for groceries or something. We were none the wiser at the time!
Definitely! There are plenty of ways to teach your child about money and budgeting without bringing child support into it.
I think once they get to the late teens you can give more details.