Hi mums (and dads!).. my daughter is in year 4 and moved to a new school in March due to relocating. She has never been a straight A student, but she does well. The issue I'm now having is she is too afraid to ask for help when she needs it and it's effecting her grades and how she feels about school. She has also told me she's been in trouble because her teacher thought she was just being lazy, but in fact she didn't understand the task. She didn't ask for clarification and instead just sat there confused. I have spoken to her teacher about a couple of things on her behalf, but I feel she's getting to the age where she needs to take a bit of responsibility and ask for help herself. I don't want to raise a child that has mummy do everything for her. I am really struggling with this, as outside of school she is very confident, headstrong, and makes friends easily. How can I help her to see that there is no shame in asking for help? She gets down because she sees her brothers excelling at school but it still doesn't seem to be enough to motivate her to ask for help!! I'm not sure if it makes a difference but she has a male teacher (which she's never had before), but the same teacher taught me when I attended that same school 20 odd years ago. He's firm, but also a nice guy if he can see you're putting in effort. I just want to see her have the confidence to put her hand up for help and feel positive about school. Thanks!
5 Replies
Does she see you ask for help? Model it. Talk about your days, tell her how you struggle with some task so need to ask x person to explain/do/whatever.
Is he approachable? Has he become impatient over the years? If your daughter has been fine asking for help from her teachers before him I would be thinking the problem lies with the teacher, not your daughter.
Were you an A student? Are you expecting too much? She's just moved schools, does she have friends, does she feel comfortable at school? Does she like her teacher?
Start talking to her, and really listen. So what if she needs a bit of help for now? Looking after her mental health and well being is far more important than academics. Kids don't learn when they're stressed or under duress.
Speak to the teacher and if nothing improves i.e. He doesn't help and support your daughter, then speak to the school counselor
She may not be comfortable being the new girl. Embarrassed, trying to be cool and fit it. It may be teacher or her new peers.
Is she making friends? Lots of reasons she may be taking to adjust . Talk to her , counselling if she struggling making new friends . Invite friends for a play . Help her feel more comfortable in her new envroment .
My daughter is in year 3 currently and has the same issue - to embarrassed/shy to ask for help. Lovely teacher, but quite strict when she needs to be, and my daughter is worried that she'd be reprimanded for not knowing what to do. Lots of reinforcement has helped, and instead of asking the teacher the individual questions that your daughter is too afraid to ask, perhaps you'd be better off telling the teacher the actual problem - that your daughter has questions that she's too afraid to ask. We did this, and it helped enormously. The teacher had a greater understanding of why our daughter occasionally faltered in her tasks, and knew that some gentle encouragement directed at our daugher was needed (checking whether she understands, and letting her know that she can approach the desk to quietly ask whatever/whenever she needs to). That would be getting to the root of the problem, and will hopefully build your daughter's confidence when she realises that asking questions doesn't get her into trouble, and will help her know what to do in class. Lots of reinforcement at home too, let her know that we all need to ask questions sometimes, even as grown ups. Good luck xo