My 6 year old can't perform basic tasks unless supervised, for example changing out of pajamas into day clothes every morning. We've implemented a few strategies but she's too familiar with them and ignores them now. Simply put, if she's not watched she will do whatever she wants and drag everyone around her into her plans. Her teachers have reported the same issues back to me, she is smart and gets through school work with ease but only if she is supervised. Her teachers have also reported that's she's manipulative and has issues respecting authority but aren't concerned by it 'yet' as they feel she's testing boundaries. The example I was given was that the teacher sets the group a task and if the teacher isn't watching/listening every moment my daughter will take over and 'reassign' the group (yes, I'm proud that she's got great leadership skills but it's not helping her at this age). I think think her 'lack of respect' comes from her inability to focus? What are your suggestions to help her focus?
4 Replies
Is she actually competent at the tasks you assign? I.e, can she dress herself properly etc.
If yes, I think its time for some tough love. Set the task. Have a timeframe. Have a consequence for not doing the task. But do ensure you're not expecting too much of her and you give clear, concise instructions.
I don't think the manipulation and disrespectful behavior is related to her ability to focus, it's pretty standard for some 6 year olds to be away with the fairies (my 6 year old included lol). I think it could be more likely a listening issue given that she is already challenging authority.
I'd work on following instructions and respectful listening and see if things improve!
It could be manipulation it also could be an undiagnosed disorder.
People used to say my nephew 'just didn't want to do the task'. Turned out he couldn't have focused on the task no matter how hard he tried.
Personally, while you try other strategies I'd be lining up referrals to a peadiatrician. It's always worth ruling out something else going on. It would also lead to appropriate strategies for your daughter. The fact that the teacher is saying something means they are usually hinting that this is beyond the normal issue.
Of course no one can diagnose from what you have written, but check out ADHD inattentive type, presentation in girls, may tick some boxes? Auditory processing could be another one? Good luck.
Consider it might not be "she won't do it" but that "she can't do it"
I'd get a referral to a paedatrician to get an assessment. Could be ADHD, auditory processing disorder or ASD. Read up on all these and see if she ticks the boxes, in the meantime, have a visual timetable for morning routine, you can google images along with words for each thing you want done:
eat breakfast
Get dressed
Brush teeth
Pack bag
And set a time all her "jobs" are to be done by, then she can watch tv or whatever she likes to do, and you include a visual of the time you leave to get to school. Always allow plenty of time to avoid getting frustrated and angry.
We have a big whiteboard I write on, but laminating a sheet of paper with "her jobs" that she can tick off can work too, or you can cut up each task
and she moves it across to the done side of the board once she's completed it. There's plenty of different ways to set it up, just google visuals for morning routine and see what would work for your family.
Routine and structure is vital. And having control of the situation sounds like it would be helpful for your daughter.