'He only pushed me, it's not like he beat me'... 'he helped himself to my body to get off, it's not like he raped me'
What's the difference?
He'll cheat if you don't give him sex when he wants.
You're his wife, it's your job to make time for him & his needs, no matter what you have going on.
He's your husband, how can you possibly be violated by his touch? He's entitled to touch your body.
Damn, I rape my husband regularly!
What a joke, how do you think rape victims would feel reading this.
Fucking feminists!
What a prude! My husband grabs my butt all the time, I should charge him with assault!
LET ME CLEAR SOMETHING UP
1, unconsenting touch in anyway, husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/stranger, is ASSAULT
2, if he's going to cheat no amount of sex will stop him! If this is the case he's a pig & isn't worth your time!
3, he's also your husband! It's his job to appreciate & respect you, whether you are a SAHM, working mum, or don't have children yet, you still deserve respect!
4, no he's not 'entitled' to your body! If at any point any touch by any person makes you feel uncomfortable you have the right to demand that touch be stopped. It should have stopped before it got to the point of violation.
5, Rape/assault is not a joke. I feel sick the stomach that people are laughing about this. Excusing behaviour because it is acceptable to you doesn't make it acceptable.
6, I was raped. By my spouse. I was also repeatedly assaulted in my sleep. He got violent when I said no or fell asleep, I would wake to him helping himself either then or later. This wasn't instant. He built up to this over time.
Feminists? Men are sexually abused, assaulted & raped every day. It is just as disgusting! No person has the right to make another person feel like they are a piece of meat existing for someone else's pleasure.
If you have been touched in a sexually explicit way by any person in your life & you walk away from that experience feeling violated, it is because you were. Your feelings are valid. No one has the right to tell you what you're feeling isn't ok!
Please seek professional help if this has happened to you, so yo can work through your feelings with someone trained to help you do so. Rape councillors exist for this reason. They are not exclusively for rape survivors.
NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO TELL ANOTHER PERSON THEIR FEELINGS ARE NOT VALID.
17 Replies
Agree! Totally.
I think a lot of people missed the distinction between waking someone up for consensual sex and using someone's body without there consent without them being awake (assaulting them).
waking someone up, you are waiting for green light signals (body language/verbal) that the person is waking and engaging in the activity before going ahead.
Removing someone's underwear, inserting body parts is not doing that. The poor IM was clearly describing an assault.
YES!
Its amazes me that so many people (men and women) don't understand the concept of consent.
Thank you for saying this!
My husband and I have both woken each other for sex, and we both quite enjoy it because of how spontaneous it is. We discussed it earlier in the relationship and put boundaries in place (no penetration), and there's no hurt feelings if one of us says no.
However, an old boyfriend of mine was abusive. It didn't matter how often we had consenting sex. He wanted the power, I guess. I woke up to him on multiple occasions, and have to wonder how many times I didn't wake up.
It was comments like that which made me doubt whether or not it was raped. I put up with that abusive scum much longer than I should have.
People look at things through their own coloured glasses based on a few paragraphs and their own experiences.
I have also learned after years on this FB page and website that comprehension is a human failing of epic proportions. Many people do only see and hear what they want to.
It just comes down to personal beliefs and morals. No one said her feelings weren't valid, she has posted on an open forum and people have given their views regarding what THEY believe.
Quite a few people actually did.
There were even some comments suggesting her husband had the right to do that because she was withholding sex. No, just no!
We didn't say her feelings weren't valid, a lot of us told her to talk to him and if that didn't help to seek couples counselling and if he continued to do something she didn't like to call the police and charge him with rape. She's already said she's not going to leave him so in turn she's saying no matter what he does she's not going to leave him anyway nor is she likely to charge him. We gave our views on the situation and how we viewed what happened but we didn't say she wasn't entitled to feel how she feels. My partner and I are always feeling each other up in our sleep and whilst the other is sleeping it's ok for both of us we're consenting adults and have already spoken about it and that was early on in our relationship. Not years down the track. I learnt after being in an abusive relationship that communication was key to a successful happy healthy relationship.
I think you need to read back through the comments. All of them.
I felt a lot of the comments were appalling. It made me want to vomit. And I've never been sexually assaulted.
I've been sexually assaulted and I was awake at the time it was horrific and I don't wish it upon any one. What she described was nothing like I went through being held down whilst someone uses your back passage when your begging them not to is not something I'm never going to have to go through again. In saying this my partner and I have discussed this, I will push myself up against him and wiggle in my sleep, I've even impaled myself on him in my sleep. I'm with him because I trust him to only ever do stuff that we have agreed upon, I'd never be with a man I didn't trust again. she needs to discuss it with him not the world so many people are going to have differing opinions on the same situation. If she felt that uncomfortable about her situation she would leave him and change the situation. To me it sounded as if her hubby was horny and trying to see if she was up for it. He didn't penertrate her just had himself between her but cheeks and when he realised she wasn't happy to put out rolled over and hid it. She didn't discuss it with him nor bring up the topic with him like she should have. She let him pretend to be asleep. A couple with good communication would have discussed this if she didn't like his response she should have then asked a pubic forum for advice. Not come straight to a public forum without talking to him first. There's always 3 sides to a story.
THIS! 100% agree. I too was raped anally and couldn't agree more with what you have said.
It's still sexual assault. Learn the law before you pass judgment that someone else's experience wasn't as bad or the same as yours
What I find just as detrimental is people ramming the word abuse around like an arrow. A public forum and women asking advice about issues with their husbands...and other women saying he is an abuser and a pig after hearing a one sided story.
Now please hear me correctly; anyone who oversteps the boundaries in a relationship (where let's face it,,,we all having differing boundaries), is wrong for doing so. And anyone who feels violated needs to communicate and get help for how they are feeling and what happened to them and seek professional counselling and therapy.
But...women giving advice and telling another woman that her husband (and often the father to her children and the man that she loves) has abused her and is a rapist (after reading a few paragraphs of a one sided story), can be highly damaging and downright dangerous!
For one, we do not know the mental state of the OP. We do not know the emotional capacity of the OP. What ideas are we putting into someones head without knowing all the facts? Dangerous, dangerous, dangerous! We are talking about ruining peoples marriages here, and possibly giving them thoughts of nothing to live for and suicide.
Yes maybe the man has done something really wrong and damaging in which case the OP should seek professional advice. Our advice should be..."hey my husband wouldn't do that to me and that behaviour isn't normal in my relationship...so I really think you should go see someone to discuss this further and get some advice" NOT "Oh my, he is such a pig, leave immediately, he is a rapist and you are the victim of abuse'!
It's not about what you morally consider is normal or healthy for you, but what is considered sexual assault and or rape in the eyes of the law. By law what she described is sexual assault. It is abuse. It happens all too frequently, that's why it's "rammed about like an arrow" not unlike all the men ramming their arrows all about...
I'm with you 👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼👊🏼
It's scary to think that women perpetuate patriarchal beliefs and do not understand that feminism is about equality, not man hating at all!
I think a lot of people missed your point. There is a difference between a normal intimate, respectful, loving relationship and a abusive relationship.
There is normal intimate relationships where both people feel comfortable with how the other initiates sex. Where it is affectionate and loving because both people understand each other's boundaries and respect the others feelings. There is mutual RESPECT.
Then there are abusive relationships where someone doesn't feel comfortable with how the other initiates sex. Where they feel forced, pressured or have no choice. Where their feelings are NOT respected.
And as for touching, there is a difference between an affectionate squeeze of the bum and someone who is treating someone else like a piece of meat.
Eg: i was with an abusive man who would grope me and grab me and I'd ask him to stop and he'd think I was being a prude and continue to do it despite me voicing my feelings. I was pregnant with morning sickness and sore breasts so he'd grope my breats and say they were still his. He would grab my bum while I was vomiting. He didn't respect me or my feelings and made it clear in his behaviour that he could do what he liked to me. It didnt feel good. It felt awful.