Why is it that if you have a male friend people think your together or sleeping together?
Their is a family friend maybe even somehow related to one of my parents. My ex accused me of cheating because we had dinner together and all hell broke loose! I had dinner with this guy when I was with my ex. Well we weren't so much together we had separated but living under the same roof. He logged into my facebook back than and read my messages to see what I was up to. Dinner wasn't even just us I had teenage children their and my own child. My ex tried to commit suicide after this. It was in no way anything but a friendship. I've now been separated (living in my own now) due to dv for a few years and I miss having friends. This guy comes to family gatherings hangs out a lot with my brother and wife and it's always a brilliant laugh!
Is it wrong to have male friends? And when I say just friends I actually mean just friends. I don't want another partner at any point soon I'm happy being on my own but I do get lonely and wish I had people to hang out with! Adult interaction!
Why is it if you have a male friend you must be sleeping together or you must like them more than a friend!? More to the point is it ok to have male friends? It was so shit and akward after my ex went off his nutter! I feel like I'm missing out on some many awesome times we used to have because now it's just not the same. I just miss having those friends guys and girls because I lost most when I was with my ex. I miss having someone to hang with, talk random shit or be their to vent too!
Is having male friends wrong?
Is having male friends wrong?
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage
11 Replies
He is your ex. Even if you were on a date with someone it's still not cheating.
Many women have guy friends. Most of my friends are guys and I've been in a relationship with my partner over 20 years.
I'm going to hazard a guess your ex didn't take the break up well and still wants to control you long after you ditched his ass. His going off about this, logging into your fb (change your passwords), even the suicide attempt are all ploys to use fear and guilt against you. Don't buy into it. Ignore his outbursts, refuse access to your private life, next time he threatens suicide call the cops to do welfare checks. Other than that, repeat after me - not my circus, not my monkeys. He is not your problem.
Sorry I just amended my post. We weren't really together when we had dinner. We were separated living under the one roof.
It's just never been the same! I lost all my friends not even just the guy ones when we were together but guy friendships were made out to be not ok so I'm not so sure if it's ok to hang out with guys as friends.
That's kinda my point. He is your ex, separated under one roof (and I don't care what anyone says that is never a good idea as it reinforces co-dependency) or not - he is your ex.
Who you have dinner with, who you message on FB, what you do with your spare time and even who you choose to sleep with further down the line, is none of his business.
I can can count the girlfriends I have on one hand without using my thumb. That's right, I'm 40 and there's 4 women I classify as friends. The rest of the chicks I know are infuriatingly dramatic, act stupid (or are stupid), or bitchy and i work too hard to spend my downtime with that bullshit. Guys that I can call up to hang out for a drink when my partner is away, rescue me if my car breaks down or change a light bulb if needed (I'm a short-ass and even with a ladder I can't reach our high ceilings) number in the dozens. It's ok and I'm IN a relationship, not being controlled by a possessive ex. What he's telling you isn't right, he's manipulating you.
Your ex is abusive. Hes made you really feel its wrong. Its not. As long as lines arent crossed, its good to have friends. We need them.
Having friends of the opposite sex is not wrong. My parents have been married 44years they both have friends of the opposite sex that they socialise with.
Your ex was abusive.
You are entitled to be friends with anyone you like. Gender is irrelevant. No one has the right to make you feel like you don't deserve friends.
Personally, having a friend of the opposite sex is messy IF in a relationship. Take for example the post recently on here, a husband was friends with a lady down the road and were visiting each other's place.. so many women jumped on saying how it was wrong and something was up. So for men to feel the same back is understandable in my opinion.
I think if at any stage it makes a partner uncomfortable then it shouldn't proceed to much further - having a dinner would probably be a no-no for me in my relationship. I'd be pretty pissed off.
BUT seeing as you weren't in a relationship with your ex and still aren't, it isn't okay for him to dictate it to you!!
It's only an issue if what you do with the friend is considered intimate, and what you'd usually do with your partner. In the example you presented, would that husband be doing the same things with a male friend...
Of course you're allowed to have male friends!!! Some people are just dickheads! If you're getting hassled by friends or family, tell them you're gay, or celibate or whatever will get them off your back 😉
If you're partnered and have a male friend, only you can decide if your friendship is 'appropriate' depending on your feelings toward your male friend. The way I check in with myself is to ask "would I be doing this, or saying that, if this was a female friend?" So long as you both know it's a platonic relationship, then why the hell not!?!?! We are social creatures. We need our tribe, however that looks is different for us all.
Sounds like now that you're single, you need to work on all that crap the ex put you through, including these narrow views and opinions. It's like saying a lesbian couple couldn't have female friends without them cheating/being attracted to someone else...
I considered myself to have 4 close friends which I speak to and would even consider them best friends.
One is female, the other 3 are males.
I have a partner and we have 2 kids together. Guess what? Partner does not care in the least bit. He's met them, and knows them but even still, he trusts me. 3 of those friends I knew before I'd met my partner. The other was actually someone I used to work with and grew close to, and would often go for drinks after work together. On occasion my partner would come too and they got along really well.
There's nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite gender. And yes, it's perfectly normal to be just friends.
If you ask my husband men can't be just friends with woman - except him of course ! Just rubbish - I have always been closer with males than female's & he hates it. But I say to bad so sad - Im always honet when I talk to male friends, I don't hide it or keep it secret. I have tried to involve him & show him that we are just friends but my husband gets jelous regardless. But those friends are important to me so I maintain the friendships.