My 14 year old daughter ran away from home earlier this evening after we had an argument. She packed a bag and disappeared behind my back. I found her maybe half a kilometre away in the town centre. I tried to explain to her why I was so worried about her just leaving the house in a huff, that anything could happen to her and I wouldn't know a thing. But that won't happen to her apparently, and because I was sexually assaulted by numerous people during my childhood I'm so frightened that something will happen to her. How do I talk to her without it ending up in another argument and in a way she might listen? I've got my story from my childhood to try and show her there are some horrid people out there, but none were strangers so it's not sinking in that there are bad people everywhere, and she has to be so careful. I'm scared
3 Replies
Try teaching her to have some compassion for you? You have a terrible past, and a fear for her that goes with it, so she should be extra mindful not to put you through that. Teach her to be mature. And safe. Its going to be hard because all teens think it wont be them.
I have a 16 year old. She has done similar to me. I have focused on how worried i was about her, how precious and loved she really is, told her i do care enormously for her and last thing i want is for her to feel she needs to leave. It depends on the child tho i think, everyone is different. I also try talk about why she felt she needed to leave and try address that issue with love and compassion. I also had bad past and she is age appropriately aware of that. Dont bite when she tries to blame, normalise her feelings. She needs to know you understand her from her perspective. Once she feels that she will be more open to listening and accepting your point of view and concerns.
Just from your daughters perspective, perhaps she feels as if your forcing your fears upon her. Maybe she doesn't want to live with that sort of fear (It's a sad world we live in, in which we have to teach our daughters to fear unknown men though isn't it! so I do understand that your fears are totally justified).
Perhaps try a different approach to this, maybe try not to scare her or use what happened to you as an example because I don't think she understands the relevance.
Try and teach her that we are all responsible for our own safety, that we should all strive to not put ourselves into precarious situations.
Perhaps don't teach her to fear being attacked or raped etc, just teach her to be aware that it happens. I mean take Daniel Morcombe for example, 13 years old and abducted in broad daylight. We shouldn't live in fear of this happening but we should most definitely be aware and take necessary precautions.
I also think it would be helpful for her to learn how to deal with conflict, racing out of the house in a huff just because you had an argument with your parents is very childish, I wouldn't pander to that sort of attention seeking behavior. I honestly think there should be serious consequences for this, the biggest way to get through to her is removing her privileges. I would make her earn back the right to go anywhere on her own (with the exception of school) once she could prove that she can be responsible.
14 is a hard age, it's sort of an in between stage. We need to start giving them more independence but they are also still quite child-like in many ways.
Good luck mama!