Long one, please bear with me. I feel so silly writing this as I know it's only the second day, but I am so upset and I don't know why. I had an emergency c-section 5 days ago, and bought bub home yesterday. The first few days in hospital he was so easy, although feeding hurt, he was content to eat, then sleep straight after, and would just be happy lying there when he was awake - not that I could move around with him anyway.
I was coping fine with the lack of sleep, we seemed to have a rhythm hat worked well.
Now that I am home - I have no idea what I am doing. Bub will not sleep unless he falls asleep on me after feeding - as soon as I try to move him, he screams.
He wants to feed all the time - like every 30-60 minutes, and won't stop crying until he gets it. It is so, so painful for me that in this last day I cry every time I know he needs feeding soon - it actually makes me feel sick in my stomach.
Because he falls asleep while feeding, he gets a lot of wind, which is why I think he won't sleep on his back in the bassinet, even though he did in the hospital.
Right now he's asleep on hubbysncjest after I've fed him, and I don't know if I should wake him up so he'll sleep later, or let sleep there because he won't sleep anywhere else.
And I am just crying all the time - even when he is sleeping, it's like I have anxiety knowing what I have to go through to get him to sleep the next time ... and I feel horrible because hubby is here helping and he gets upset when I get upset.
I just don't know what to do and I feel like I'm failing already because he isn't sleeping well and feeding is so horrible, how am I going to get through these next few months?
Second night home with newborn, can't stop crying
Second night home with newborn, can't stop crying
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler
10 Replies
Ok take a BIG breath. Being a bit weepy or a lot weepy can be really common. Your body is going through huge hormonal changes, added on to that the anxiety and excitement if a newborn and the nerves of coming home from hospital.
It's a scary time.
It's quite common for babies to be unsettled the first week after coming out of hospital. It settles as you and the baby adjust. It won't last forever. You are not failing AT ALL. You can't fail this. This isn't a pass /fail kind of deal.
Let the baby sleep. Don't wake the baby. Let hubby hold the baby and get some sleep while you can. You need to sleep, and the baby needs to sleep. They don't get into a sleep routine until much later. It's good to leave him with bubs and get some sleep so you are ready for the next feed. There is plenty of time to get bubs back into sleeping in the bassinet later.
Don't forget you can ring the hospital if you need to talk to someone.
There are some strategies you can use at different points if bubs has got gas and can't sleep lying flat. I found sleeping in the car seat/capsule left bubs propped up so gas could escape. Or propping one end of the bassinet up so its on a tilt. Or sleeping in the stroller was great too.
But importantly get some sleep and if that means hubby hoods bubs for a while, that's totally cool.
Emergency c-sections take a lot out of you physically and emotionally and it often doesn't hit you until later. I remember about day 5 everything really hit me emotionally and I was so teary.
Oh mumma.. I just want to give you a big hug! Those first few weeks are so tough. Everything that you're feeling is pretty normal. You're not alone and you're definitely not failing.
If baby will sleep on hubby then let him sleep and you sleep too! I'm pretty sure I only made it through the first 6 weeks because when anyone I trusted enough with bub (hubby, parents, siblings) showed up I would leave them to have cuddles and I would go and sleep.
With the breastfeeding I found hydrogel discs were amazing. Nipples shields are also an option to give your nipples a chance to heal a little. Also, make sure that bub is attaching properly as this can affect how well he is feeding, the amount of wind he gets and can hurt like crazy if they're not on right. The Australian breastfeeding association has lots of information on their website as well as a hotline you can ring if you need to talk to someone. You can also ring the maternity ward where you delivered to get support and assistance.
Look after yourself. You don't have to do it all alone - your hubby sounds like he is being a wonderful help - and don't be afraid to ask for help x
Oh mummy, it's going to be okay!
Firstly, maybe consider how much he is getting from each feed. If he's wanting to feed so often maybe your milk supply isn't that strong and he is screaming because he is hungry.
Try and put him down whilst he is still drowsy so he gets into a routine of falling asleep down, not on you. Invest in a babysound type app, where you can play lulling music or even a baby shusher.
And then, call the maternal health nurse or hospital. Get them to come out and assist! It's okay to get help especially when you're hurting!!
Be gentle with yourself.
This is a huge thing for both you and Bub. You both need to settle in home and find your rhythm there.
Keep doing what you're doing. Trust your motherly instincts, you've got this.
Ok, first off its normal to be crying around day 4-5 for almost no reason at all after having bub as u have just had a massive drop of hormones in your body...number 2 breastfeeding can be a bitch until you and bub get the hang of it. If bub is grazing/cutting your nippels it burns and hurts like a mofo, and could even make u bleed. try grated cold carrots on your nippels, it helps. (I remember how painful it can be and crying because he needed to be fed) maybe also try nippel sheilds when feeding, and different positions... I used to hold my first like a football under my arm when feeding because it was the only position he wouldn't graze my nippels. u should talk to a midwife or lactation consultant as they can help you get bub attached better so he's not hurting you when feeding , if your breasts are engorged try cold cabbage leaves on your breasts, don't wake a sleeping bub, lay down rest when you can. Get hubby to cuddle bub so u can sleep, having a baby (as much as they are a blessing) is a massive change in your life, it's hard, exhausting and sometimes painful, but they are totally worth it. take it slow, one step at a time, remember to look after yourself first, so u can look after bub. U are not a failure, u and bub are just learning together and getting to know each other. It takes time, if you really can't breastfeed it is ok to bottle feed, it's not a fail, if bub is fed, healthy and happy, then u have got an A++++
I remember crying when ever my newborn need to feed, as my nipples were so sore that I dreaded the thought of her feeding. I have it one more crack with a maternal nurse who made sure she had the correct latch, and made me wake her if she fell asleep and feed her continuesly for 20 minutes each side. This stopped the 3-5 feeds every 20 or so minutes and helped me get the correct latch. If the thought of breastfeeding is such a dreaded task and you feel sick to the stomach at the thought and the pain doesn't improve, just start formula feeding, a fed baby is a happy baby. When bubs is sleeping you go sleep. Whether that's hubby holding him or a friend/relative.
Hang in there momma! The early days are so bloody hard! The lack of sleep, sudden change in hormones, the uncertainty, it all can be very overwhelming. Firstly, you are doing AMAZING!! Secondly, be kind to yourself. Thirdly, if bub wants to sleep on you, that isn't a bad thing. Bub has been in your tummy and only knows you for comfort. This new world is so extremely scary. Ride it out as best as you can. There is no need to worry about when bub will and won't sleep, they're too young for a schedule and sleep routine. Follow your babies prompts. The cluster feeding side of things is completely normal and it is to help increase your supply. If you are in a lot of pain I highly recommend you call your MCHN and ask them to put you in touch with a lactation consultant to help with your latch. I also found that taking 2 krill oils in the morning would really help with my hormones in those first few weeks. Just go with your babies flow for now momma and I promise you will come out the other end of sleep deprivation, cluster feeding and anxiety.
Oh I just want to hug you I remember how overwhelming it was when I brought each baby home and trying to figure out how I would survive Babies change their behaviour and routines alll the time so how Bub is now is not how bub will stay for the next few months. If you are wanting to breastfeed I would suggest firstly seeing an ibclc they are properly trained professionals in breastfeeding and far more knowledgable than a nurse or gp. You can find one at lcanz.org they can help with latching nipple damage and ensuring Bub is able to extract milk effectively There is also the Australian breastfeeding project Facebook page which is full of mums who can give you advice and support and the milk megs page too. Themilk Meg is an ibclc who does Skype consults if there's no one in your area and her page is full of great articles. What you've described does sound quite normal for newborn behaviour though. I'd also recommend looking up the fourth trimester which hopefully will reassure you that things are normal and just what most babies go through. It might be a good idea to go and see your gp for yourself though. It is normal for your hormones to be all over the place after birth but if you are developing pnd the sooner you can treat the easier your life will become. Don't be too hard on yourself. Whatever you need to do to get through the day is enough. xx And I'm sorry about the terrible grammar my phone screen is broken lol
Swtich to bottle feeding either express or formula.. You will know how much his taking then and you wont dread feeding time..Hang in there mumma the first few weeks are the hardest.. I also highly recommend "sleep and settle" the ladies name is Natalie she is fantastic!!