So my daughter (11) just asked me to put my Apple password into her iPad to download a game and a message popped up from one of her friends.
Miss 11 knows that I have strict rules about social media apps (I caught her out with a Twitter account almost a year ago) and I don't even know how she managed to get this one past me.
I immediately began looking over the app and she burst into tears. From what I saw the app is very similar to instagram and while I didn't find anything terribly inappropriate, I saw that she had posted a LOT of photos and videos and had completely random followers (not just known friends).
I was fuming because she knows my rules and was extra fuming when I found that she'd started posting over a month ago.
I didn't get angry and I didn't yell. Instead I explained to her the dangers of kids using social media and how there are bad adults who use these apps and pose as children to do bad things to children. I gave her some scenarios and she was pretty shocked.
Both of my children's iPads have age appropriate security settings and they don't know the passwords for downloading, but somehow this one got past me and the settings.
My question is... am I being too harsh? My rule is that the iPads are always set to their age groups and that there is absolutely no use of social media until the age of 17/18. She's upset because her friends are "allowed" to use social media and doesn't want to feel like the "odd one out."
The app has now been deleted (Miss 11 deleted it herself), after our conversation.
9 Replies
I personally think 17/18 is too old. But 11 is far too young. I think when she is 14/15 you start to allow a social media account like Facebook, but you monitor it, you can set Facebook up so you get her messages etc. By doing the right things on Facebook she can earn access to other social media.
By 17/18 you've got no real time frame to monitor, correct, and discuss issues.
17 is too late. She will just create her own account and that will be that. You wont even know. Allow at 14 with you being able to monitor etc.
The tighter you hold the reigns the more she will rebel and go the other way. Education and awareness is the key.
If she was my daughter that iPad would be confiscated until I thought she was responsible enough to have it back. This sneaky behavior suggests that she is obviously not mature enough for social media yet.
Eleven is too young anyway, my daughter is only 8 and half her friends use Snapchat! Like wtf parents?
I don't think she understands the seriousness of her online presence, I think I'd really drum that into her before allowing her any social media accounts.
That said, I think a blanket ban on all social media until 17-18 is nice in theory but it's not realistic. Maybe consider Facebook at 13 (with the condition you'll have full access to her account).
Then perhaps 14 or 15 for Instagram (again with full parental access)
However I do think as old as possible (never ideally) for Snapchat or twitter.
You'd be amazed at how much porn used to come up on my twitter feed (no longer have an account for this reason).
I think, above all at the present time, she needs to learn about online safety, she might think you're being mean or whatever else but ultimately, you're the parent - you say what goes!
Facebook actually only requires users to be 13 years or older, so asking them to wait until 17/18 is way too long IMO.
Personally if it were me in these circumstances, I would allow her to have an Instagram account and put it on private so that she can accept or reject follow requests and you can monitor who is following her. I'd also discuss age appropriate photos. If someone snapshots a photo of hers off of insta it actually lets the user know so you could ultimately know if they're using photos for the wrong reasons. Direct messages can only be very limited via insta also, so maybe brief her on what to do if someone starts talking to her in a way that makes her uncomfortable and let her know she can come to you (and to not send photos of a certain nature to anyone even if she thinks it is her friend).
I actually know many kids with online accounts at this age for various reasons - one is a dancer and has a lot of young fans following her and her mum monitors her account very strictly. Another wants to be a makeup artist so has an account :)
Jeezuz christ i was living on my own and had a full time job at 16. If you impose that on her she will certainly go behind your back. Totally insane.
I think you are being extremely unrealistic, the legal age for social media is 13, if you are not going to let her do it at home she will just do it at school using friends devices, unfortunately this is the era we live in where a lot of conversations are held through social media and if you are going to be such a Nazi over it your daughter is going to just go behind your back! Maybe talk to her about safe using of these apps also keep all her passwords so you can login at any time, download these apps for your self and tell her you have to be a friend on her account at all times lay down rules in using them like only people she knows are to be on them, if she can't follow the rules then take them off her, obviously she still needs to know she is in the wrong for going behind your back but she obviously knew the way you were going to act... a friend's Daughter was actually bullied at the age of 11 because she wasn't allowed to have these sorts of apps she lost so many friends over it to the point she had no choice other then to go behind her mum's back until she was a bit older... as I said unfortunately it's the era we live in.
sweet little girl miss 11 you are so lucky to have good parents , social media is a very dangerous place for a kid , so many bad people out there , and no its not everyone just maybe 1 in a hundred , but remember there are millions of people on there , they look for young kids just like you , and start to talk so sweet and they can pretend to be your next best friend , they pretend to like you , but for bad reasons , they check every thing you post , and work out what school you go to , who your friends are , and then were you live . if you are reading this , REMEMBER '''' MUM'' is your protector , she is saying NO to social media ,, because it would just break her hart if the bad people out there
found you and did any thing to hurt you , so GO GIVE MUM A BIG HUG AND SAY '' THANK YOU MUM ' a lot of mums and dads just cant be bothered with checking every thing to make sure there kids are safe , they just HOPE it will be all right . you should be one proud girl to have a great protector as a mum.
Sorry love but 17/18 is unrealistic and is just going to cause some horrendous battles. Make it 14 and have access to her password and educate her on social media safety and tell her to keep her accounts on private settings. Add her as a friend/follow her on her accounts.
Teens push the boundaries and to think that no social media till 17/18 is unrealistic and kinda mean. Facebook age limit is 13. If you don't want your kids access these things don't give them the devises to do so because they will find ways around it. It's better to explain and show how to proper use than to just completely straight up ban it because she frankly doesn't care what you think is safe she's a pre teen all she cares about is what's cool and what her friends do