** TRIGGER WARNING**
Hi Ladies,
I have just found out I am pregnant. My husband had told me he doesn't want the baby, and wants me to have an abortion. This is baby #5 for him and baby #2 for me. I have already lost 8 babies, (these were from a previous relationship).
So hubby has given me an option keep the baby and I move, take our child and go live with my parents.
Or have an abortion and continue with our marriage.
I don't think I can mentally handle losing another baby, but I don't want to lose my husband either. I also don't know how I could handle being a single mum. Or even knowing this baby will grow up to have a dad that did not want him/her.
I am so frightened.
25 Replies
I think once he has delivered that kind of ultimatum the relationship is over! Sorry it's horrible. He is being so insensitive, heartless etc. if he was really that certain he didn't want more kids then he should have got a vasectomy.
I am pro-abortion, for me. I know 100% it's something I could do and get over with pretty much a blink of an eye.
You don't sound even vaguely able to have an abortion.
If given a choice between my partner and my child I choose my child every single time.
Personally i could never forgive that kind of ultimatum (there is a big difference between a discussion about what you'd both like versus so blunt an heartless demand). I'd be packing my kid up and going back to mum and dad. You can handle being a single mum. In fact you'll thrive knowing you don't have a partner who will be so brutal.
Agree it's the type of ultimatum that's the problem. What happened about through thick and thin, sickness and health etc.
If your hubby was so adamant he didn't want anymore children he should have gone out and gotten a vasectomy or put a god damn condom on his cock! Abortion is not a form of birth control please ensure you remind him of that!!
Life I was you not only would I be pissed I'd be devestated. Because obviously you have never spoken about any of this before so you weren't aware of his feelings and I'm guessing your such a people pleaser you'd have gone out and got yourself some form of birth control like a responsible adult which he doesn't sound like he is. I'd totally leave his arse because no one would dare give me that kind of ultimatum.
Go and get yourself some counselling and loose that big bag of shit (sorry I mean baggage) out of your life move on with your little family being a single mum isn't as hard as it seems after the first few months you realise how much better off you are and believe you me there will be a man out there perfect for you that will want you more and treat you better than your husband ever has or will.
I'm completely pro-abortion. Im currently pg and this is baby #2 for me and 6 for DH. I have to say, if my husband gave me this ultimatum, it would have been over for us. It's MY body and OUR baby. If he didnt want a baby, then he should have been responsible too. He would have known your history with miscarriages so this ultimatum is particularly cruel.
Sorry but just the fact hes given you the ultimatum. And the option to leave and take his child and while youre pregnant - im sorry but thats your answer. I dont think youll ever get over that anyway.
Start by doing exactly that. Dont be pressured to be with him. I hink he knows youre scared and hes using it to scare pressure and force you into doing what he wants. Disgusting.
I would have packed my bags right then and there.
I am a firm believer of choice, ultimately what he has tried to do is take that choice away from you. That's a relationship breaker. It's also emotional abuse.
Luckily for you - you have an alternative. You have your parents to turn to and you know what? You will be OK.
My ex husband gave me exactly the same ultimatum. Married 16 years, we had 2 together, I fell pregnant with #3 and pretty much the same time as I found out, I also found out he was having an affair. Told me loose it or loose me. I regret to this day choosing him over the baby and have never fully forgiven myself. And of course the relationship didn't last. In my experience NEVER EVER choose a man over your child/ren. I am an educated, independent, incredibly capable woman and I still managed to make this mistake. But, over 10 years later I look back and I have done much better without him, my kids have thrived into wonderful adults, and I have made peace with the past. Please take your beautiful babies to your parents, be safe and loved there, while you rebuild your family without the weakest link. You can do it!
I was pressured at 17 to abort. From every angle I felt like I had no choice. I feel so sick about it I wish someone had been there to tell me I had options. So I try to help mums on here every chance coz I would hate to know of them regretting it and going through what I did. Hugs from me to you I know what that regret feels like.
Carry on woth your pregnancy, children are a blessing and uf he doesnt want anything to do with the life he helped create then leave him. Do not abort your baby because he is giving you an ultimatum, this relationship will not last regardless of if you give up your baby or not and if you do you may regret it.. if he is already telling you to leave with your other child and the one in your belly then i would leave now and not look back! Give your baby a chance and stuff him!! I would go back to your parents house and begin your new journey to being a single mum.. you can do this!! What kind of loving husband would say this to his wife and unborn child..he should have had the snip if he didnt want more babies
Oh babe :( what a shit situation your in. Your hubby can't give you an ultimatum like that! What a selfish ass!
If he doesn't want to run the risk of having more kids then he should go do something about it. Either get snipped or put a condom on his dick.
No advice unfortunately but hope whatever you choose you are happy
Hye matey,
Kelly here from The Imperfect Mum team.
Posted your question early as I think you need to hear some advice ASAP
Thinking of you - hugs! xKelly
https://www.facebook.com/Theimperfectmum/posts/1645851215481502
I aborted. I should have left. I'm going to regret it forever.
Are the original poster? ((Hugs))
:'(
If ever there's a choice between a man and a child. Choose the child. Children are forever
Option no 4. KICK HIS ARSE OUT, YOU STAY WHERE YOU ARE AND HE FINDS HIMSELF SOMEWHERE ELSE TO LIVE.
Seriously? What a creep. You are a partnership. If he doesn't want another child, he should have spoken to you so you could BOTH take steps to prevent. Not wait until after the fact and tell you to have an abortion or leave the house. If he doesn't want to look after your children, HE can leave.
Honestly, my husband knows that abortion is not an option for me unless the child would be in nothing but pain from birth. It was hard enough getting our sons and having lost my twin in utero and also having a brother with Downs, life is just too precious for us.
I don't think I could ever forgive my husband for trying to make me choose like that. What an awful person. For me, the relationship is already ended.
I was in a similar situation 8 years ago but i had no family and no support so i had a termination. To this day i deeply deeply deeply regret it and wish i had told him to get f***** and had that baby. Please do what YOU want because at the end of the day, only YOU have to live with the consequences of your actions.
My hubby didn't want our number 5 either we lived in the same house but didn't talk for two months and I mean not a word he finally realised I weren't budging and now loves our little girl to death. He never gave me an altimatem it was a hard few months but I wouldn't change it now
I actually went through some thing very similar after 5 years of fertility treatment we had our first then very shortly after our second and then straight after I became pregnant again, my husband really pressured me to abort & once I listened with out attaching emotion just practically he had many valid points, as hard as it was I decided to terminate, it took a lot of counceling seperately and to getther but we moved on and I know as hard as it was in our instance we just wouldn't have been able to financially support 3 children and offer them all we hoped. Only you can make the right choices for your family & your situation. I wish you well
My DH didn't want me to have our 3rd he was happy with 2. he left it up to me needless to say we now have 3 and would not have it another way. If he gave me that ultimatum there is no way we would still be together. Follow your heart and do what you fill is right for you 💖💖
Your husband is WAYYY out of line
He said his vows if he didn't want any babies he should of used protection or got the snip
Don't let him do this to you he planted tre seed he now needs to help it grow
If he knows your past with losing babies how can he be this heartless
On the other hand if he's handing you ultimatums maybe he isn't the husband for you anyway
dont do it not if it's not what you want. I'm pro what ever you want but you will resent and learn to hate him for it. I've been there and I'm now divorced and better for it but I still hate him.
I have seven children but have had 23 pregnancies so I truly understand that side of it. I thought it was the right thing for me at the time. Even agreed with him our twins were six months old pregnancy was extremely hard for me. It wasn't I'd called him to pick me up before the procedure he refused and told me not to come home until it was done.
So stupid me did as asked and I stayed for another nearly five years seeing him in another light. It's such a selfish thing to ask.
As for the baby growing up with out a dad it happens all the time us mums do what we have to. we love them we sacrifice for them and when they are old enough we tell them the truth. You can be a strong woman and go after what it is you want because men come and go but your kids are for life
My husband and I have now got 7 children between us. He had 1. I had 1. We had 4. We also lost 8. I have lost 2 previously. When this unexpected baby came I asked if there was a choice to be made. His words: If you want to be a single mother to 5 kids, sure. My thoughts: I'm so overwhelmed. I'm so physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. But I didn't want single life. So along came this baby. He is the most amazing little man. Such a beautiful gift. Such a fantastic baby.
But my husband got a job working away before he was born. It took a while but I fell apart. My marriage fell apart. I started seeing a psychologist. I admitted finally that if he had of said yes, this little miracle wouldn't be here. It breaks my heart to see his smiling little face and think that I could of never had him. Now I'm a single mum to 6 beautiful kids. It's damn hard work. I am surrounded by a small but great village who help me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that whatever choice you make, YOU have to live with it. Either way you decide, a single mum to 2 loved children or the pain of making a decision your not sure about, please seek counseling/ psychologists help. Good luck. Xx
I'd say see ya later I actually did best thing I ever did
I'd say see ya later I actually did best thing I ever did