Hi all,
my husband and I are separated under one roof (basically because he refuses to leave and I can't afford to) and he has been controlling and emotionally abusing to me for years. He has now met a woman online (which I'm fine with) but is now trying to take our 9 year old daughter to America to live for 6 months. He is quite unstable with his moods and behavior and I am worried about how this will impact her. I don't want her to go and tried to stop the passport but he then started yelling at me and sent text messages (which he copied to her) saying I was trying to stop her being happy to the point it upset her so much I withdrew my objection. He has also told out daughter that if she doesn't go, he will make sure we are both homeless and she will have to pay him back the money he has spent getting her a passport and visa. Her school has said they do not OK her having so much time off school but he is hellbent on taking her. I want to stop it but cannot afford a lawyer and am very concerned about how he would react, given that we still share a house and he would make life horrible. She wants to go for a holiday but not such a long time away from everyone and everything else she knows and loves. To make it worse, he is currently sexting other women and arranging to meet up with them whilst in the USA with the woman he is now engaged to so I'm concerned about that. He has told me they will not be staying with his girlfriend but I recently found out that was a lie and my daughter would have to share a room with her two kids. I can't afford a lawyer and I've tried talking to him and he turns nasty. What do I do?
Child going overseas for 6 months?
Child going overseas for 6 months?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
20 Replies
No way. You need to find a way to not be concerned and pressured by his reaction/bullying and do whats right for your daugter. I believe you can put a travel stop on her passport with dept of immigration without needing a lawyer. E onus is on him to have your permission.
Contact LEGAL AID. You don't need to be able to pay a lawyer. You can fill the forms in, legal aid can get you started even if they can't take your case. You should not allow him to do this.
You should also contact a DV support group and organise with there help, to leave.
You can afford to leave, you just need help to do so and a DV org can help you do that.
Put a travel stop on her passport saying you don't give permission for him to take your child out of the country. Why did you sign the passport forms anyway? You don't legally have to and he would be the one taking you to court to get permission.
Go to Mediation!! You have to go to mediation before you can go through court. Get legal aid and get out of there. Get emergency housing and if you're eligible get onto Centrelink and get parenting payments set up. Forclose on your house if you have to just get out of there and hurry up about it.
You seem to be doubting yourself, thinking that if you stop her you will look like you are jealous and don't want him to move on. He is messing with your head and has probably done so for years. It is very clear that this is not the case and you are rightfully so, very worried for your daughters welfare, don't doubt yourself for a second! Whatever crap him and the girlfriend throw at you about being jealous, don't worry about it, you know him taking her isn't right so do what the other ladies have suggested. It's hard to be strong when you have been conditioned to go along with everything , otherwise you are difficult, too emotional, crazy etc. I'm here to tell you that you are not and there's no way he should take her and that you are a wonderful mother and everyone else on here agrees he should not be taking her.
You are both being bullied into this! I have no idea if you can now change your mind but I hope so. If not say he forged your signature. And get out of the house, that could not be helping things at all. Even if it's a 1 bedroom unit till you get your shot together, anything, you just need to get out.
HELL TO THE NO
Contact legal aid, or speak over the phone to a solicitor. Some are willing to work for less. Put a no fly on her passport and get out of that house!!
Legal aid and DO NOT LET HER GO sn diet the police involved.
On the flip side, have you checked out your legal rights in getting her back once shes been in usa for 6 months? My bet is, if he decides not to return her, you wont have a leg to stand on as thats long enough to establish a life there. Youre looking at seriously risking losing your daughter permanently because you dont want to upset him.
Do not under any circumstances let him take her out of the country if you wish to see your daughter again. Take her and yourself and get out of there asap
As a mum who is currently going through this with my ex wanting to take our son to the Philippines and signing his passport on behalf you need to get on the phone to dept of foreign affairs and red flag her passport tell them you felt obliged to sign but now you dont want her to go. Secondly you need to contact legal aid and start the legal ball rolling. If you feel as though your ex is going to make threats or use intimidation go to the police and get a dvo and avo in place and have the police remove him from the premises . You are not obliged to sign anything for him to take her overseas at all nor should you feel pressured if you are not comfortable. But be mindful the m8nute her passport is red flagged you will have trouble leaving the country with her if you wish to go overseas.
Legal aid is a free service! There is also generally free legal services at your community health centres or your community health service can point you in the right direction. Your going to have to reach out to get help escape this ex because he sounds like a dichead! Go to the police station and ask to speak to someone in the family violence unit and show them the angry texts. They will either help you or put you in touch with services that will.
Also... there is domestic violence services that can help you move out. your not stuck. There is help available. Please reach out and stop letting him bully you and your daughter!!!!
Has this post left anyone else feeling extremely upset for the mother and daughter and concerned for their safety???
I really hope this lady updates us because I'm so worriws about them!
Sending you strength mumma. Its time to fight. Dig deep and find your strength and courage because its time to use it to get your little girl out of this crappy situation.
You're still in the dv haze because you're still living together. He's still got complete control over you and your actions. It's hard to imagine but once you get away from it, everything becomes MUCH clearer. Listen to the advice of the other mums on here, some of it has been harsh, but it's all true. Sometimes we need a good kick up the bum to force us out of the fear and "what if's" of leaving.
No 9 year old should be away from their mother and primary caregiver at such an age for that amount of time. Contact everyone you can to get help. Seek the help of friends for a place to stay or women's refuge, contact centrelink and your local police station has a dv liaison. Speak to them all. And as someone said, cut up the damn passport! Do not allow this no matter what threats he makes or how he makes you feel. Time to stand up to this guy and do what's right for you and your daughter. x
You and youre daughter need to run
Ring legal aid and get help don't be bullied By this man. Can you so stay with family or a friend?
This screams child trafficking to me. Contact whoever you have to and put a no fly on her leaving the country.
Contact DV helpline and Cebtrelink. Keep records of all communication from him and a diary of events, threats, etc and speak to a DV police rep.
You need to get out, or change the locks when he leaves and start legal proceedings.
Get all your support around you, so you feel strong enough to take this abuser on. Have someone present when talking to him, or get mediation via Relationships Australia. I'm pretty sure any officials would advise against this flakey/suss travel arrangement as well
Put a travel ban on the child. Both of my children have one. It means i can not take them overseas but more importantly the crazy ex who lives overseas can not remove them from Australia. Its a federal government list. Additionally i placed all birth certs and passports which a trusted family member that would not allow me to give into the other party.
You can come and stay at my home with me. I'm a single mum with a child, have a whole house and spare room and can help you seek legal advise. DO NOT LET YOUR CHILD GO WITH THIS UNSTABLE MAN UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES. MESSAGE the imperfect mum and get my personal details from her. You are being bullied.
How lovely you are!!!