Hi everyone, I recently became aware that one of my daughter's teenage friends has been up to "tricks" and recently posted naked pictures of herself to online strangers, joining online dating groups meant for adults (the girl is 14 years old) ; shop lifting, drinking alcohol, a habitual liar and gets detention regularly at school, calling teachers rude names and basically being disrespectful.They have been friends for a few years now, and I guess you could say my daughter considered her a very good friend. I'm trying to not tell my girl who she can be friends with/ who she cannot- but lately I am so disgusted by what the friend has been getting up to (and concerned for her welfare) that I approached her parents to let her know a few things- and so far that hasn't gone too well.
Has anyone had experience with this? As I feel now I have made a huge mistake telling the parents. Would you want to know if your 14 yo girl was sneaking alcohol, posting extremely graphic vaginal/ bum photos to social media?
I know social/ peer pressure is very hard for teenagers, and my daughter struggles with friendships as it is, but now the friend has made a point of excluding her in front of the group of friends and I as a parent am hurting too for my girl.
Thank you and appreciate any positive feedback.
Teenage Friendships- when the friendship turns sour.
Teenage Friendships- when the friendship turns sour.
Posted in:
Teenagers, Tips and Advice
5 Replies
I was your daughter.
Firstly I assume your daughter is telling you what her friend is up to. That is fabulous! Your daughter has a good head on her shoulders and is unlikely to copy her friend. You've done great!
Now you just need to make sure you build your daughter up, thank her for telling you what is happening, remind her how awesome she is. Help her find a new friendship group. That might not be from school. It might be in the form of a new hobby or interest. I don't mean force her to make new friends, but just offer outlets and opportunities to do that herself.
You can't do anything about the poor girl who is going off the rails unfortunately, and separating the two will just want them to hang out more.
The teenage years are hard, but while your daughter keeps communicating she is on the right track, so you are doing great, when she goes quiet and starts keeping it a secret is when you have an issue. So try not to get too upset around her, you don't want her to shut down.
Sounds like your daughter is mature beyond her years and you must have a good relationship with her to be so open with you.
As awful as it sounds maybe the exclusive behavior from the friend is a blessing In disguise, it might give her the opportunity to find some other kids to hang out with. If it gets unbearable I'd chat to the school. I think I'd limit contact with this girl too, dont explicitly forbid contact but maybe limit it to your house only so you can keep an eye On them.
I can't help but wonder what's going on in this girls life to cause her to act out like this. Difficult situation all round!
A life lesson, friendships can and will pass. In the big scheme of things, sometimes your best friend at 14 is barely a blip on the radar of your adult life so see it with the perspective it deserves.
I don't think you made a mistake telling the parents and I would have also told the school and the police if you have links to the online content.
Then, I personally would change your daughters school. Before I get shot down, yes I know it's not fair and yes I know you shouldn't have to but as Dr phil says, "do you want to be right or do you want to be happy". I'll take happy every day of the week.
You can talk to your local child protection unit. In Queensland this is attached to our local police station so ring them directly. You don't have to give your name or anything but it is likely they will call the child and her parents in for a conversation. They will speak with your daughter separately and just make sure everything is okay. If not I'm not 100% sure what happens as thankfully when this happened with my daughter everything was pretty okay. I would want to know if it was my child absolutely, whether I would take it well and whether my daughter would want to remain friends with the other girl I can't say - when I say I wouldn't take it well I would be devastated and upset and try to deal with it but not sure if I could look you in the eye afterwards..... I think make a report. Praise your daughter for being open and honest with you and try and get her to move in some other circles at school. Being a teenager is hard. I keep telling my daughter that as she gets older she will realise high school was a tiny drop in the ocean of life even though right now it seems like the biggest most important issue to her. (sorry this is a bit rambling!!!!)
I would've done the same thing.
I find asking questions rather than imposing my views is more productive i.e. "how do you feel about ...?" "What do you think should happen....?" "What would you like me to do...?" "Do you need me to do anything...?"
This also gives us time to process and carefully consider a response, especially if you've just heard something shocking either about your own teen or someone else