I'm at my wits end with my son.. He is a gorgeous 7 year old boy who I love to death but he is seriously doing my head in.. He is by all reports the perfect little angel at school but as soon as he sees me he is for want of a better word a brat. It starts in the car at school and continues til bed time and then kicks off again in the morning until I drop him at school. He argues with his sister just for the sake of it (eg she will say she did painting at kindy and he will say no you didn't), I will ask him to do something simple like put his bag away and he will take 25 minutes and me asking numerous times to do it. Or if I ask him to put his bike away he has to do another lap of the yard before he will think about doing it. This morning it took him 30 minutes to get dressed for school - dancing around in his undies, running down the hall, making stupid noises. He seems to be worse if his 4 year old sister is around. I feel like I am spending every morning and afternoon yelling and fighting over everything and on the verge of tears. Am I expecting too much of him??? I know he is 7 but he can be such a beautiful boy but at the moment I don't like being around him as I get so frustrated and angry with him - this morning I threw his hairbrush on the floor (breaking it) out of frustration because I had asked him 4 times to brush his hair over a period of 20 minutes. I know he understands what he is being asked and there are no issues with ADD or ADHD or anything like that. But nothing works - I take things away from him, stop him watching TV, stop him going places because of his behaviour but nothing seems to work.. I am contemplating seeing my Dr about medication for me as I am so wound up all the time.
5 Replies
Ok, a lot of this sounds very normal 7 year old behaviour. That saying of 'pick your battles' holds true.
So what if he takes another lap around the yard. It just doesn't really matter and is totally normal.
The fact he is travelling smoothly at school is excellent and means that with some changes things can improve. But kids will always be naughtier for there parents ?
The fighting with his sister sounds incredibly normal. Siblings fight, some more than others. It's why I always laugh when people say they had a second child to keep the other company or so they can be friends. Sometimes it works out that way but sometimes it doesn't!
It sounds like you might be caught in a negative pattern though. Any attention, is good attention for a lot of kids. So if he knows he is getting a rise out of you and his sibling that can absolutely fuel his behaviour. Sounds like it's time to break the pattern. Praise the shit out of him when he is doing the right thing. That might just be watching TV or eating his dinner. Ignore the stuff that doesn't really matter. Things like getting dressed, call his bluff, don't fight with him, tell him to get dressed, once only. If he doesn't do it, send him to school in his PJs walk out that door, I bet he'll get dressed really fast.
It sounds like typical cheeky boy behaviour. I'd try and change things up a bit, rather than telling him to put his bag away, how about he has to do it before dinner. Or getting dressed, he needs to be dressed before breakfast otherwise he misses out - then he is free to dance around and be silly until he heads to school.
I could of written this! Also a mother of a 7 year old boy. What worked for me for the mornings was him knowing he'd get free time (if there was time) after he was ready for school. When he'd start stuffing around I'd just say calmly "well thats fine, but it'll be less free time if you don't get ready".
Stay consistent. And hang in there!!!
Aaahh! the sevens!!! I have got one the same and I bet if you talk to mothers at school they will say the same or they're lying lol..it's a difficult age..they don't listen or do anything they're asked to do unless you're telling them 10 times..and very easily distracted...punishment isn't helping mine much either so I am just giving him one instruction at a time and following up on him every 5 min. It's exhausting but it does get better with consistency..mine is also Great at school and much loved socially..but at home answers back, fights with brother and drives me crazy! I feel your pain lol!
I did a brilliant workshop recently called The Nurtured Heart Approach, essentially it's focusing on our connection with the child, seeing the good behaviour and acknowledging it, making it about positive interaction, instead of the battle you're currently in. It was just a one day thing but well worth following up and practicing their techniques.
Also, a book I read many moons ago was Raising Your Spirited Child, my son was later diagnosed with autism but regardless of diagnosis or not, we need to understand our kids so as to better help and support them. I learnt way back when, that all 'behaviour' is a form of communication.
Go see your GP, have a chat, maybe get some counseling, do some parenting courses, read a book or two, all these things add to your toolkit. And most importantly, take as much me time as you need to get through this particular period. It won't always be like this... That was my mantra, said over n over to myself at times as I rocked in the corner back when things were really shit. And it's true, with hard work and effort, things did improve. That difficult middle child of mine is now my favorite, and he's a teenager! ???