I am a mum to three kids that are my absolute world. My eldest is in grade 4 and youngest is almost four. I do everything for our family. Their Dad works very hard but isn't naturally a hands on Dad. Though he does love his kids lots. The grandparents are all pretty hopeless and have never helped much or provided support. I am headed for 40 and have just found out I am pregnant. I am so terrified as I don't feel like I can cope with a 4th child. I already feel like I am at capacity both mentally and physically. I barely get any sleep or time to myself as it is. Also we have had some relationship problems in recent times and although we will work through it all, I have been feeling very alone. I am also really worried about terminating because I feel as though I may struggle to live with the guilt. I never thought I'd be in this situation, as I've always had fertility issues. Has anyone been in a similar situation? Any advice? I really don't know how to handle it all and feel even more alone at the moment. I am at a crossroad in my life and don't know which turn I should take.
6 Replies
Only you and your husband can make this decision and I'm sorry that I have never been in a situation as such to give advice. But I just wanted to send my love your way, it must be a very touch situation.
Please sit and talk to your husband and come to a decision together. All the best ❤️
Pls don't rush your decision as I did and terminated at 5 weeks. I regret it everyday, I also have 3 kids and honestly can't stop thinking about the baby I terminated a yr ago. Sending big hugs xx
So sorry that you're going through this. Thank you for your advice. I hope you start to heal and feel better soon x
I was in exact same position only mine are a year older G5 and just started school. Day 1 I said no way and called the Tabbot Foundation, turns out I acted too fast and at U/S was only 4.5 weeks so they couldn't see anything and have to locate sac in uterus to provide drugs, hcg came back at 250. Booked follow up scan in 10 days but naturally miscarried a few days later.
I felt only relief, I would not be doing my current kids any favours by having another child right now and they are present and real.
I struggled with infertility for 4 years before my eldest was born and suffered 9 grief stricken miscarriages between my planned pregnancies. The unplanned/planned termination I fell pregnant the day my period was due and the only time in 6 months that hubby didn't use a condom.
Don't beat yourself up too much these things do happen. Weigh up how you will cope and how your current children will deal with the pros and cons. Finance, life plans also play a huge role.
Big hugs mumma and don't let the FB answers hurt you, only you know best for yourself and your family.
I was recently in a similar situation (it would have been 3, rather than 4) and my husband pushed me into terminating. The guilt is eating me alive and it's going to destroy our marriage. Obviously, this is a massive YMMV issue. Termination is always an option, but if you're umming and ahhing and unsure, definitely look at seeking counselling. Abortion clinics can help you finding neutral secular counsellors.
Get some urgent counselling together, and on your own. Whatever you decide, you need to feel confident, supported and empowered xx