Hi ladies I just need some advice and hopefully help to move on. A couple months ago I was close with a friend and everything was fantastic (this girls dating my brother) I never was so honest with anyone as I was her and obviously told her my biggest fears and secrets in life. Anyway long story short my brother and I had a argument (nothing major we have a argument once a year and move on basically) anyway she decided to get involved and said a lot of nasty things, everything from name calling to threatening to "hit me", saying I'm a poor mother and all my parenting is wrong (she has no children), basically using all the information I've told her in trust to hurt me including calling my child a 3 year old a brat because she has tantrums (like a toddler sometimes does) and my husband a terrible father because he's away with work a lot (he's in the defence force). Anyway I ended up cutting her out of my life blocking her on everything and decided she probably isn't the best person to have in our lives.
A couple months on she has now decided to start visiting my parents when I'm visiting them (I work part time and my parents watch our child for me 2 of those days so she turns up when I'm picking them up)and it's really hurting me. I be polite to set an example for our child because obviously she doesn't understand any of it and I thought I moved on from her and could get over it easily but I can't. Its gotten to the point I'm depressed and my anxiety is in full swing. I wake up in the middle of the night either in tears or not being able to breathe and nauseous.Im just wondering what can I do to make it all stop hurting? To not give her the satisfaction of hurting me and affecting me how she has. I want to tell her she's hurt me and I'd like an apology but I don't know if that'll even help me. Even then she hasn't tried to ever say sorry so is it even worth trying to get an apology out of her?. Or just let it go. I really want to stop feeling like this. Thanks Ladies.
Nasty ex friend still causing me Pain.
Nasty ex friend still causing me Pain.
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
4 Replies
I would look into daycare if it's an option to remove myself from a toxic situation OR ask your parents to please stop putting you in that situation where you are being exposed to toxic energy on a regular basis.
That's just awful. I'm not really sure I know what to say to help you.
It's nice for the kids to see their grandparents and vice versa so I'd stick with that if you can stand it. Perhaps you can talk to your parents and explain if she's there you find it upsetting, maybe they can bring the kids out to the car so you don't have to see her.
If she was going to apologize she needs to do it on her own merit. Would you accept it?
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It will take time but you will start to feel better.
You could talk to her. Make the first move to try and mend fences. Perhaps she is sorry and regrets saying the hurtful things but is too proud to apologize? Maybe that's why she arrives to visit when she knows you're going to be there, in hopes you'll talk to her.
If you feel the relationship is beyond repair just continue to be polite and try not to dwell on it. Holding grudges and ill feelings towards her is only hurting you (it's already triggering your anxiety) so I think you should work on putting it behind you and letting it go, not for her sake but for your own. Don't let her continue to hurt you by holding on to it.
If shes going to be around and hanging at your parents when your kids are there, you both need to clear the air. Offer an olive branch and get back on speaking terms. Use that to tell her how much she hurt you. And if she doesnt take it then let your parents know you cant live with that ongoing ans if they dont enforce her being harmonious if she has to be there then you will find alternate care.
And follow through with it, your sanity has to come first.
and if you make amends please learn from this and dont get too close to her again.