My husband is very unhappy at his workplace.. for the past 6 months I have been getting angry text messages while I am at work. These txt messages are in regards to things about us - so for example money issues, issues with our kids, house issues.. these things get raised during work hours..
Im always very busy at work while his job is not as mentally stimulating so he sits there and stews about things that happen at home. He doesn't like his job but he is not looking for another one until next year as this job provides flexible hours that we currently need for one of our children.
I can't deal with domestic dramas when I am trying to get my work done for the day. I hate leaving late from work. These txts make me anxious, distracted and stressed out. I usually respond back angrily and we end up having an argument over txt.
For the past fortnight whenever I get an angry text I have decided to not get so involved. So I respond once to "his bitching" and then tell him I am turning off my phone for the rest of the day. I hate that I have to resort to this though :( what if the school needs to call me (they have my work number but still...)
Please do not picture someone swearing or insulting me.. it isn't like that but it is still an angry text fishing for an argument... saying he hates how i did xxx or i ruined the form we had to sign or I did xxx wrong again ... . If a police saw these texts he would not find them threatening or like a DV because they are not but they are angry and stress the crap out of me.
He has admitted and apologised for this behaviour yet it keeps happening over and over again. I honestly feel bullied. I don't want to hear domestic dramas while at work.
The only phone call I want is anytnhing to do with my children (like if they hurt themselves or need me to pick them up from school)..
How can I make them stop? how to protect myself from these messages?.. I can't put a "restraining order" on him, he's my husband and he is having a crap time at work, I get it.. but i need these txt messages to stop. I have asked him to please stop sending me txt messages.. he still does it...
7 Replies
You've told him the problem. Block his phone number while you are at work. That way you can still receive other calls etc
Don't respond. Tell him to write down what he wants to say on a piece of paper instead and he can give it to you after work. Then you take the piece of paper and rip it up without looking at it. It sounds like he keeps doing it because you keep responding even if it's only once. Don't respond at all.
Don't respond at all. Ever. Unless it's an emergency in which case the school would call you.
Honey he will only keep doing it if you respond... he won't keep doing it if you give him the argument he wants. I would be telling him you're not responding to any msg's during work hours unless they are about the kids and do it in a very frank and clear way. Then you follow through and do not respond even once unless it is an emergency. I work in a high stress and very fast paced job too and it effect your productivity so I get it :-) Stay strong and set that boundary and then once this issue has been sorted maybe respond if it is platonic and not something that should be discussed at home. It will take a while but once he knows you're not biting the is no point in him sending them.
Don't respond. Don't even read them. If you need your phone on put it on silent, if he rings your work phone tell him if he does so again his number will be blocked by the company. Honestly, I don't have much patience for bullshit and after being told not to text and then doing it again I would have shoved the phone where the sun don't shine. Depending on how generous I'm feeling that could be up his ass or down the storm drain.
My partner was unhappy in his last job, last three jobs actually, and besides the little rant when he got home (it's his safe space, he can rant) he did something about it. Hence the two more jobs and is now finally happy after a week in a new place. I have little rants about the shit day I've had too. Why can't he be proactive and look now? He can't be in the only flexible hours job in existence.
Finally, these issues at home are enough to warrant the level of aggravation? Is he not a fully grown man capable of knowing when to just bite his tongue and stop being a fucktard? You ruined a form and he couldn't get another? Or realise that forms get messed up all the time and if it's still readable it's fine? He didn't like what you did and felt the need to angry text you about god knows how much later? The fact he's been told, apologised and still does it means this isn't something you can fix. Maybe try couples counselling to get to the bottom of the behaviour and go from there.
It may not be a case for the police (I get that) but it's a form of abuse in my opinion. He is belittling you & using you as a punching bag. Not once but every day. Who would want to deal with this at work every day?? Who would want to deal with this full stop. Sounds awfully selfish of him. If he is that unhappy he should do something about it. Bullying his wife is cowardly. Really hope you are able to speak to him & he sees sense.
An argument, or any communication for that matter, takes two... One hand clapping and all that
Tell him, when you're both at home and feeling calm, that you are at work, to work, and unless it's an emergency, you cannot and will not respond. Then bloody well stick to it!
You're not responsible for his mood, that's on him to get happy. He needs to help himself in life. If he's stressed and anxious, he needs help, not to pull you down with him!