Help!!
As a mum of a 15 year old that is, what I think,showing signs of anxiety and depression, I want to know how do you know what is typical teenage moodiness and when is it more? We seem to be on a constant roller coaster of emotions, happy one minute laughing and joking to almost instantly yelling and snapping at everyone and crying. She has always been a picker, with the smallest lump or bump on her skin she will pick at it until it becomes a huge sore, this is getting worse and her legs are a mess and lately complaining of chest pains when she is having a "meltdown" as she calls them.
We have recently moved to a new state, which I know has been hard for her, she seems to have settled well at school and has made friends. Wehave no family here, no family doctor as yet, I don't know where to go to get her help. My husband is at his wits end with her and thinks it's her just being difficult and rude,so they argue often, but I see more, as a mum I think there's more to it.
I feel I know the answers to my questions but I guess I'm asking of other experiences and what you did to help, where do I go??
Teenage depression and anxiety
Teenage depression and anxiety
Posted in:
Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression, Teenagers, Tips and Advice
6 Replies
Start by booking her a long appointment with a GP for a mental health care plan. They can refer to services etc and prescribe medication if appropriate.
I was your daughter. Early intervention is always best. Your daughter sounds like she is asking for help.
I'm almost 40 and still pick, my legs, my arms, my feet and hands, even my ass is scarred and my scalp where I've torn most of my hair out, the only unblemished bits are where I can't reach. It's anxiety for me, as is the chest pain during an attack. I still function, maybe I'd function better if I sourced help for it though so don't delay in getting her what she needs to cope.
As a teenager who suffered severely with depression to the extent I was cutting myself regularly and planning suicide, all I can say is be there for her and accept the moodiness. There were crazy bad days where I would be horrid to my mum (only her!) and take anything out on her. She copped it bad.
She knew I was suffering. She sat me down and told me she knew I wasn't feeling right, she knew I was self harming and she wanted to know if she had failed as a parent. Of course she hadn't, I honestly had the best upbringing and from an outsider's perspective had nothing to be depressed about. She booked me into my GP and spoke on behalf of me, I answered when I needed to and was okay to do so as it was with my regular family GP.
From there we visited about 10 different psychologists and when I found "the one" I saw her on a weekly basis.
The best thing to do is offer your support, not pressure her with questions about what is going on (for me it was sexual assault two times, from two separate people at my school) and it was so embarrassing. I couldn't tell her, I didn't want her to know that I was now classified as "sexually active" against my will. Then the other things that built up around it I just couldn't tell her. I do now that I'm older and it doesn't affect me the same way. Just start by approaching her and let her open up, ask her if she wants to talk to someone else. I think the biggest "betrayal" for me was that my mum called my school and I had to see the school counsellor and she didn't tell me first off she had done this. It was embarrassing and I felt like I couldn't talk to her the same way I could another psychologist.
My daughter did not want to see the school counsellor either, and I agreed, I'd met the woman... ?
I think it's good to keep it away from school, and see someone who you can continue seeing long after you leave school.
Interesting that your mum made it about her, asking if she'd done something wrong. As a mum I have to be aware that I don't make things about me and what I want to do, instead of charging in to fix things, I ask my kids what they want/need me to do. I might offer some suggestions and then they decide the best course of action.
Some of the school counsellors are just NQR for the job I think haha! This one certainly wasn't and I felt completely uncomfortable the entire time.
Sorry, that's my bad! It probably came across that way, but she didn't make it about her as such (I can't remember word for word what was said at the time it happened) however I was always bickering with her, blaming and taking things out on her without her doing anything wrong. So she felt as though she was failing and wanted to know where she was going wrong. Honestly though it was just my behaviour and her being the closest thing to me I unfairly took it out on her.
When we went to the GP I asked her to speak on my behalf as I didn't feel I was ready to "ask" for help but I knew I needed it. I'm one of those emotional people who cries when I discuss my feelings and I was very young, scared and naive.
The longer you leave it the worse it gets!
You need to find a good GP first off. Maybe ring the school, speak to her year advisor/school Chaplin/school counselor and seek advice there. They may even know a good GP and/or psychologist who they work with in regard to teen girls.
A GP can do a referral to see a psychologist under a Mental Health Care Plan, I always like to ask around (other parents) to seek their referrals, otherwise who knows who the GP will send you to. Depending on who you see and what they charge over the Medicare rebate, you could be paying nothing, a little or a lot.
It'd be a good idea if her dad is involved with appts, to hear things straight from the doctor. If they don't suggest it, ask for a session or two for you guys, so you can learn strategies to implement for your daughter but also the whole family. MH issues impacts everyone.
There's a great course you can do, it's called Youth Mental Health First Aid and goes over 2 days.
Most importantly, don't let anyone fob you off, saying its typical teen stuff, fuck that, you know your daughter and you know she's suffering. Keep going until you find someone who listens and who will help. Stuff everything else, our kids mental health is the number one priority!
Tell hubby to grow up and not react angrily, and don't take it personally. She needs you guys in her corner.