How do you know when is the right time to introduce a new partner to your child? This is my first relationship since leaving my husband. I have known the guy through friends for 1.5 years and we started dating 6 weeks ago. He has said he would like to meet my daughter but understands my hesitation. Her dad is also dating someone and introduced them after only 2-3 weeks and I swore I wouldn't do the same. Any advice would be great thanks!
8 Replies
For me it's not until I'm 100% sure that it's a long term deal and it's not just dating or a fling. I have to know the person really, really well. For me that's not for a long time. Like 3-6 months. It depends what sort of conversations we are having about our future.
I've never had a relationship end because of holding off. I have ended relationships and then thought jeez I'm relieved my kid hadnt met him and they were not emotionally attached! Because my kid wasn't attached it meant I didn't stay in the relationship longer than I should, because I wasn't worried about hurting my child.
*addition from author* I should mention my daughter is 3 and we have established we are in a relationship
I'm not the commenter but it makes no difference to my thoughts, 6 weeks, way too early. Wait 6 months to be sure to protect your daughters heart and set an example, you might date 5 people before you find the one. What your ex does should not be of any consideration, two wrongs don't make a right.
For me it's gotta be months, I waited 6 months and built our relationship up first. Got to know him and know where we were headed first. Got to know what his aims are and where he wants to be in 10 years. We're now 2 years in. My kids love him, I love him and we're expecting our own at the end of the year. I recommend slow and steady to everyone who asks this question especially when kids are involved.
I think that this is a completely individual choice, my ex introduced his new girlfriend to our child after only 2 weeks thankfully they have formed a great bond and she is fantastic with him. Myself on the other hand has chosen to not to enter into a relationship until he is older and more accepting to welcoming someone else into our lives (I am the main carer and for as long as he can remember it has just been the two of us so would be a much bigger adjustment). Listen to your heart and if there is any doubt then obviously it isn't the right time.
I'd introduce him as a friend. Friends can come and go in our lives and we don't shelter our kids from them nor does it seem to bother them. It's not really any different in the early stages of a relationship, your friend can come over to visit and hang out sometimes and that's totally normal. If you decide it is getting more serious then talk to the kids about it, it'll probably make it an easier transition to accept your new boyfriend if they already know him and like having him around anyway.
Good luck. X
I'd introduce him as a friend. Friends can come and go in our lives and we don't shelter our kids from them nor does it seem to bother them. It's not really any different in the early stages of a relationship, your friend can come over to visit and hang out sometimes and that's totally normal. If you decide it is getting more serious then talk to the kids about it, it'll probably make it an easier transition to accept your new boyfriend if they already know him and like having him around anyway.
Good luck. X
My partner met my daughter before we even got together. I knew him for a month before dating him and once a week for the first few months he stayed over just treated it as a friend staying over and about six months made it partner a year in moved in together. At times it moved a bit fast for miss 5 and I needed to make sure I spent more mum and daughter time then. Partner time and then she would settle back down with him