I don't know what to do anymore! I love my partner but he disappoints me, lies to me and deceives me. He stays out all weekend with his 'mate' and then can't drive home cause 'he's drunk'. We're supposed to be moving interstate with our two children but I don't want to be with him. He's causing my anxiety and depression to get worse. He's told me to go to doc and get on something to make me 'happier'. He admitted to not wanting to come home cause he doesn't want to deal with my crap. I am a stay at home mother and I feel I am not coping. I love my kids and don't want the influence of him drinking every night of the week and drunk on weekends (when he is actually home). I have asked him to leave on numerous occasions but he said he's not leaving his kids. We've been together for 6.5 years and he's still a married man but won't go and get his divorce. In the last few years I've become someone I don't know and lost my identity. I've become very angry, spiteful and resentful especially towards him and his 'mate' is a really bad influence on him especially when drugs and alcohol is involved.
I've isolated myself from everyone except a couple friends and don't go anywhere or see anyone. I have OCD as well and struggle with that. I just don't know what to do anymore or what to think.
Don't know what to do anymore
Don't know what to do anymore
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
7 Replies
You need to get out and get help, ASAP. Do you have someone you can turn to and trust? You need to speak to someone about what is going on and figure out a way to get out. Take your children with you and sort out the custody battle later. I imagine it'll have to go to court, but if he is as bad as you make him out to be then I doubt he will get the children without supervised visits. He is an unfit parent!
Make contact with Centrelink and discuss single parenting payments, find a women's support group to help you out.
You can do this! Trust yourself! Get out.
Youre going to be so much happier single. Youre not coping with him because hes giving you a lot of bullshit. Thats a lot of stress and hardship, youre carrying it all & it just makes everything harder. No you dont need to go on medication to cope with living with his bullshit!! I mean really, if youre on medication to deal with your relationship, and note that hes not! Hes out partying, that tells you he bad this is. Simple solution - dont be waiting at home while hes out having his weekends. Hes going to do it anyway, why are you waiting home getting your heart and esteem trampled on. Cut him loose and fix yourself up, you got this.
Stop asking him to leave. It's not his decision if he stays or goes. It's not his decision as to if he's "leaving his kids". You say he gets the fuck out and call the police to make him if he won't.
He will make promises. Ignore them.
He will try guilt. Ignore him.
He will threaten. Record them.
He will do whatever he thinks will intimidate or trick you into taking him back, if you fold nothing will be different.
FFS don't move! If you move and split you can't come back!
Make plans to leave. Find a place for yourself, book a removalist and move while he is at work.
You don't need his permission to end a relationship. You just do it. If he won't leave, you leave.
I have struggled with anxiety, depression and OCD and my husband has been incredible support to me and I honestly do not know what I would do if I didn't have him. He should be supportive and not staying out all night because he doesn't want to deal with you.. sorry but these comments about if you go and get help maybe he will calm down? Go and get yourself help of course but don't give him a second thought. If he can't be there for you during this time then he doesn't deserve you at all. You deserve someone that will be there for unconditionally. I hope you are able to get help for yourself and your kids only don't worry about him. I would try to focus all of your energy on your kids and feeling like yourself again. Do what's best for you xx
Leave and take the kids. He'll either wake up to himself or not, either way you'll know where you stand. don't go back to any promises, wait until he makes the changes.
Take steps to move on with your life for both the sake of the kids and yourself. You need to be an example you need to show them it's not ok to be treated like this by a partner and that they and you deserve more.
You are stronger than you think.
Step 1: Tell him to leave.
If he refuses
Step 2: call the Police and they will make him leave.
Step 3: pack his shit and leave it in the drive way. Change locks.
Step 4: make a better life for you and your kids. Without the massive looser in your life.