I'm exhausted. I am so tired, all the time. I'm a stay at home mum but I'm also at University. I have chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia (do not tell me these are not real illnesses and that I just need to exercise, have a good nights sleep and ill feel better. These are life long conditions that will not go away). I don't seem to have motivation for anything. I cook, clean, wash, vacuum, mop, chase after, run around for and so on. I turn around and the place is a mess again. I'm not depressed, I'm not happy but I'm not depressed. My husband helps me, my kid is amazing. But I need a break. We have no money. We live week to week as it is. My husband and I have NEVER been away together, even when we were dating. We haven't been on our honeymoon, nothing (I'm not bothered by that, more that we haven't been able to go anywhere). The best we have ever done is dinner and movies at the cinema but I don't even remember the last time we did that. My family is exhausting, and I just cannot deal with their issues anymore. Seems that I cant do anything to make me happy without everyone putting their 2 cents worth in and if I say anything against them then I'm the bitch or I'm ungrateful. (Not that I listen anymore) I cant win. I feel like my life is stagnant. I need a change. We are trying to move away from the area we are in for a fresh start but I know that will only do so much. I did try to join a couple of groups, but that requires us to have spare money, which we don't. Every dollar is accounted for (my husband I and both have an income). I just don't know anymore. Seems that I get happy and then something comes along and bam! knocked down again. I've stopped trying. Which is not how I want to live... I've spoken to my Dr and done the test and she says I'm not depressed either, just that I am unhappy. She suggested that I try new things but with no money its hard. I go for walks, my hubby, kid and I go to the park and the beach. We have picnics. We do a lot together and I also have my studies, which when I get the motivation to do, I really enjoy. We have the worst luck and it seems its just one thing after another... its really getting to me
3 Replies
Welcome to motherhood. I don't mean to minimise what you are going through but I can guarantee a lot of us feel exactly the same. It's like Groundhog Day. Nothing stays clean for long. It's mind numbing. Talk to the older women around you, my mum complained about the same things, her mum complained about the same things. Maybe one difference is we didn't have chronic health conditions.
Ive been in a similar place. I struggled and struggled and just couldnt get ahead debt mounted. The daily grind was just endless and not enjoyable. I did have depression its hard not to when lifes that hard and stressful and you can never seem to catch a break.
do you see a counsellor? I think that would really help.
Do you like your hubby? Enjoy his company? Do you like your house? It is possible to enjoy a simple life I made a huge change paid a lot less rent lived in the forest & had nice views on my doorstep & company around & suddenly didnt need to go anywhere or spend a lot. Not a lot changed but everything changed for me, now things bother me or stress me but I handle them, they dont take over. I dont get those huge heavy hopeless feelings anymore.
I completely understand where your coming from. I have rhymatoid arthritis which is very simular to you. And yes some days i seriously struggle to keep my eyes open. Make sure you take your meds regularly. Also try some natural meds aswell. I find if i do short spurts of housework amd rest in between i dont get as tied. But honestly the good days i get lots done and the bad days i dont its only house work and will be their tomorrow.