My little brother has recently told me he feels like he was born in the wrong body and he would like to transition into a woman. He's been seeing a psychologist about it for a while now.
It came as a complete shock to me, he's had some mental health issues over the years but nothing that would have lead me to believe that he was struggling so much with his gender.
I was really supportive when he told me, and I was genuinely happy that he was taking steps to become who he feels he really is on the inside. I love him unconditionally! I just want him to be happy, and I know he has been desperately unhappy for the past few years.
Over the next few days though I've found it's bothering me a lot more than I thought it would. Not the transitioning part, but the thought of losing my little brother as I've always known him. I just can't picture him as a woman. I know he will still be the same person (just happier, hopefully!) but it's like I'm grieving the loss of him. I also worry about how hard life is going to be for him once he starts to transition, I know people in general are a lot more accepting of transgender people but there are also an awful lot that are not. At the same time, I realise life is probably just as hard for him now, living with the internal battle he has for so many years.
Sorry about the waffle, but I was wondering how other people have processed a relative/ friend coming out as transgender? I'm actually really embarrassed of how I feel, I feel selfish for letting it bother me when he is obviously going through something so much bigger. Thank you!
*I've used the male pronoun throughout as that's how he would like to be referred to until he actually begins to transition.*
Family Member Coming Out as Transgender
Family Member Coming Out as Transgender
Posted in:
Life Lessons, Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
3 Replies
Ok, I've never been through this myself but have watched a few docos. I understand what you are feeling is pretty normal. It's an adjustment and yes you have to grieve how you perceived your brother and your relationship.
Personally I wouldn't be shy about seeking some counselling for yourself. It is a big change and it's ok to seek support for it. It's not something that we are prepared for in life, we generally don't have anyone to reach out to, to guide you through it or has led the way through it.
Yes I agree, although you accept it and support him unconditionally, you are grieving the loss of a brother, of a person you love. I am sure it is very normal. You don't know "her", she is a stranger, taking the place of the person you love. You could maybe compare it to gender disappointment when you are pregnant, but once most mothers meet the baby, they love them like their other kids. Also, fear of the unknown. Never feel guilty for your feelings, you can't control it, you are in shock, it may take you time to get your head around it. Good luck, you sound like an amazing sister, he is lucky to have your support ❤️
I think being concerned for how hard it's going to be for him shows what a fantastic sister you are, it isn't going to be easy but you can help by keeping an open mind and always being there for support/girl dates..
grieving the loss of a brother is completely normal just try to focus on the good things coming.. he's still always going to be the same person he'll just look a little different ;-)
I have a best friend who is trans and I think the best thing I give him is girl time and I treat him just like I would any of my other female friends, (he hasn't full transitioned yet but I have no doubt he will soon :)