My partner and I have been engaged for 7 years !!! Been together almost 11 . We have 3 kids and they all have his last name . My mum is really sick with cancer and I'm not sure how much longer she has. She has 3 kids ( including me ) and none have been married or will . I really want to get married before she dies , this is really important to me . I'm talking a budget 5k wedding with family offering to contribute , nothing over the top. My partner says he understands but we just can't afford to spend that money right now . We have a mortgage that's easily paid , own both our cars and have 20k in our bank ! We really can afford it and if it was something like me agreeing to him buying a bike it wouldn't be a problem . He just sees it as dead and silly money. He's happy to go to the court house and do it tho.
I work hard for this family I work 45 hours a week , raise 3 kids on my own during the week as he works away , I do everything around the house and do it happily and never want for everything. I hardly ever spend money on myself , he's always spending money on himself and I have no problem with this.
Do you think I'm being unfair me wanting this?
6 Replies
Nope, not at all. It sounds like it's well within budget and I'd be pinning him down to why he can't understand the importance of this to you.
Not unreasonable at all.
Are you guys able to compromise on cost of the wedding? Say you want to spend $5k he wants nothing so compromise on $2.5k? I can understand wanting to get married but also can understand that some people feel weddings are a sunk cost. It doesn't sound like he doesn't want to get married, more the cost. And although you feel happy with the amount saved etc he obviously isn't. So I think chat with him and see what amount he'd be willing to spend on the celebrations and then come to a compromise...at least hopefully one of you won't be resentful about it!
First, if it's important enough you'll compromise just to get it done. It's not fair but we'll get to that. Budget 2 1/2K for a low key wedding as that seems to be what he's comfortable with. It's doable and it will still be nice. Friends and family can pitch in and help with a lot for little to no cost. I think it's one of those do you want to be right or do you want to be happy moments and where you'd regret squabbling over cost and process when your mum has passed and you're still not married. If it matters just do it.
Second, separate your savings. I had to do this, my partner is a spender and I'm a saver and I found early on I wasn't getting anywhere I live quite frugally and deny myself wants to save for future travels, my partner lives in the now and is a big fan of instant gratification (I paid out and made him cut up his credit card when we signed our mortgage). We're living comfortably but by having separate savings I've saved almost $25K for travelling overseas with my bestie just by using half of the savings funds and adding my OT/bonuses to it.
I have been with my partner 11 and a half years and we have only been engaged for 1 and a half years..I think one of the reasons we also have put off on getting married earlier is cost... so we have decided together that when we get married we are not going to have a big wedding or anything fancy but we are going to go to the registry with our closest family (parents, brother's, sisters) and after that we will go to a nice restaurant/bar for dinner and drinks with our family and friends..we would rather spend less to get married and spend more on a honeymoon..men don't seem to be into weddings like we do. They think it's unecassary
Do not settle for a court house wedding if it isn't what you want. I was married in a court house and while it suited is it was far from what others would have wanted. It isn't the same as every other wedding I have been to and it is definitely a personal choice. 5grand sounds reasonable. IF my hubby had of wanted a proper wedding I would have agreed.