I am currently pregnant with my third child. I have two beautiful little girls and I so desperately want another little girl. I however know in my heart this one is a boy and as horrible as I feel this makes me so sad. I know I should just ne grateful to have another baby but I can't shake this sad feeling of not getting my third girl. Is there ways to deal with this, support groups ect?
21 Replies
That would be hard. I have 2 girls myself and have decided to stop because I wanted same sex siblings as they are generally a lot closer and have a better bond. If I had another I'd want a girl as well. But try not to focus too much on it for now until you know for sure. Once you see bub, boy or girl, I know you will love them all the same. Good luck with it x
I totally get you about wanting all same gender. Everyone made comments about wanting the other and really couldnt believe I wouldnt want one of each, I must be lying to cover my disappointment... Just like they havetheir preconceived idea that one of each gender is best, we have to get over our idea about another the same. We never know what theyll be and what joy lessons and challenges they'll bring to our family, regardless of their gender.
Also if you care this much, get the test so you can know for sure an prepare
A lot of people actually would prefer having two of the same gender for many reasons. You're definitely not alone :)
You may be surprised. How many people "just know" and it isn't the gender they're thinking? Are you just convincing yourself that it's a boy already despite solid evidence?
If it is a boy, I'd be contacting a doctor as it sounds like you're at risk of PND. I hope you can offer this baby the same amount of love that you would if it were a girl :(
Im sure she will. Hopefully she can ask for help for herself without being judged and accused...
Yes I am only suggesting it so that if she feels like she needs support then she can ask. It's hard not to be judgemental about someone being disappointed about a gender, it's quite selfish when so many people (like myself) have struggled forever with infertility. When conceiving there's always a 50/50 chance so if it's such a disappointment maybe it should be considered prior to conceiving :)
Some people find boys really difficult and just connect better with girls. I'm sure she would love the child either way anyway though.
If you dont understand or think its selfish then dont comment. She IS asking for help! Do you feel the same about women with pnd? Were allowed feeling and thoughts you know, as humans in our right. Selfish is piling on the pressure of being a shitty mum when someones asking for help, because of hoe their problem makes YOU feel.
Perfectly said. Build each other up not tear them down. What does infertility have to do with this question. If you cannot offer support or constructive advice, then move on.
I wanted a boy after my girl and had my heart set on a boy but felt bad for thinking it once she was born. Now I have 2 perfect little girls and i couldnt care less about not having a boy. Its their personality not whats between their legs.
I'm currently pregnant with my 4th. I have 2 boys previous relationship and 1 girl with my husband. We're expecting our second girl. I desperately wanted a boy. I cried, through out all the baby boys clothing i had, became emotional, took it out on my husband went through depression and a grieving process. I'm now 35 weeks and have come around to having another girl. Having support from my husband and getting the other kids involved in this pregnancy has helped along with talking to my mum about my feelings.
Just wondering why you don't want a boy? most people would be so jealous of you getting both sexes! I am the first to admit I am a little bit. I have 3 boys. BUT would I swap them for a girl. NO WAY I love love my little men. Yes I always thought I would have a daughter but these boys are so loving and affectionate its just adorable. They absolutely adore me which I love and which a lot of my friends with girls says doesn't happen. I can't offer anything really. I found out the third time around and I was sad for a few days about the daughter I never will have but then I thought of all my friends and family who have lost babies or are unable to have children or even people who were carrying sick babies and I felt blessed. When that third boy was born he could of had two heads and it wouldn't of mattered, he was there and he was mine. Goodluck in your journey. You need to be at peace with yourself over this. But I will say don't be sad for having a boy. They really are very gorgeous and lots of fun.
Update- thankyou to all the lovely ladies who didn't tear me to pieces for having feelings out of my control. Am I grateful to be having a baby? Yes. Is baby being healthy the main thing? Yes. Do I want to feel this way? No.
I have spoken to my gp and given referrals, I know once the baby is out all these feelings will probably wash away but at this time they are overwhelming. It's terrifying for me to step outside my comfort zone to be thrown something different.
I am aware people have fertility issues, I'm not sitting around hoping I miscarry just feeling a little lost. I don't understand how other people having fertility issues makes my feeling less relevant?
I find your post confusing- you haven't had the 'gender' ultrasound yet or have you?
This might help you understand, it's like complaining to a homeless person that the house you own is too small and you wish you could afford a bigger one. It's like telling a starving African person that the food in the restaurant is too cold. Being unable to have a baby or going through multiple miscarriages is one of the most painful experiences a woman can have and it invokes extreme emotions. EMPATHY, they are too emotional and invested to have any for you, hopefully you can have some for them. Hope that helps, good luck to you.
But I haven't complained directly to them, they however are heaping their own issues onto me. I wouldn't have this conversation with a friend struggling to conceive as I do have empathy but for all these people who think I'm awful after this baby is out I'm starting the process to be a surrogate for someone I love who can not have their own kids.
I think the issue is you don't know what you are having yet, so you are stressed over nothing. Having a 'feeling' or 'sense' you are having a boy and getting worked up over it when you don't have to is... well....just silly. Relax, and enjoy the pregnancy.
Not saying you are in the wrong, but you've had this conversation with thousands of women on a public forum, where there is likely to be many with fertility problems. I can't understand why you are shocked by the response? You've done nothing wrong, but I am confused by your confusion?
Because why on earth should she expect strangers that cant help not to be able to scroll on. She wasnt talking to them. Its hit a nerve. Dont answer. being unhelpful and telling someone your problems are worse so this lady should shutup is just not ok. Should she just not have this problem anymore!
I had two girls and when I got pregnant with my third I desperately wanted another girl too! I used to have nightmares about giving birth to a boy and not telling people for days because he was a boy and I didnt want him!
I didn't find out the sex because I was worried I'd feel disconnected before baby was even here if it was a boy and it would be easier to find out when Bub actually arrived. For the first half of my pregnancy I wasn't sure but by the end I absolutely knew it was a boy and it wasnt a surprise at all when he came out! Now he's 1 and half and honestly the cutest, cheekiest boy ever! He's not at all what my nightmares were about lol I feel like he knew I needed him before I did and that's why he's here :) it has been a bit different being a mum to a boy after two girls but he's amazing and I wouldn't change him ever! I do still want a third girl but not sure if I'll ever have another now :(
Don't beat yourself up about your feelings, it's ok to feel the way you do and pregnancy hormones won't help it either but im sure you will love that baby no matter what and if you feel you need to speak to someone seek counselling now before Bub comes to help deal with it before bubs arrival so you can concentrate on bonding with baby when they get here xxx
It's important to think about what you believe about gender and what your feelings are about parenting a boy. We have such strong stereotypes about girls and boys but the reality is so much more mixed. My girl is very fiesty and very challenging to parent (and I had a hunch she was a boy-wrong! You never know). I also felt fearful about the idea of having a boy and even though am pretty aware of ideas about gender, still wanted a second daughter. I looked into it. I had ideas that boys would be more distant and unemotional, that I wouldn't feel as connected, that I couldn't deal with it if he was rough or violent and overly active. I was so wrong! My little boy is the most gorgeous, cuddly, sweet, funny blessing I could ever have imagined! He has brought such light and warmth and balance to our family. Personality can be just as important if not more! They each bring something special that you get to love. There is a big diversity of boys and girls and many ways to parent them to encourage them to be well rounded kids that don't fit limiting stereotypes. So much of what we think of as gender is not universal to all cultures throughout history- it's taught /socialised. Your boy might be a very different person to a boy growing up 100 years ago. You mention feeling out your depth...don't worry the shit bits I found pretty similar for my son as my daughter (another pooey nappy, yippee, I wish I had more sleep, why don't 3 yr olds stop whinging! etc) but the best bits, falling in love with them, the gorgeous smiles and warmth and funniness when they grow, that's the same. The other differences might be less about gender than you think! I really wish you every luck for your pregnancy and the arrival of your little one! Try to enjoy the good bits about being pregnant (you can eat more chocolate!) and the health and well-being of your baby and lighten up about the boy bit (if it is a boy!). You'll be fine mumma! He'll be a sweet tiny baby! You get to grow and change with him and with 3 you'll anyway be a pro!