I have written in here early in my pregnancy, I am now 7 and a half months. My nuchal scan came back 1:2 and my partner completely freaked out. We kept it together even after the results came back she was fine but he was saying things and doing things I knew weren't true but gave him the benefit of doubt because I adored him and he treated me and my son well. Eventually I knew I couldn't stay with him while he was saying and acting so out of character. He is a state fire service employee so well educated and highly trained. I defended him to everyone to give him time, let things sink etc. I got a phone call from a lady yesterday who had been his 'girlfriend' for the past 3 months. All the behavior now adds up. I can marry everything she has said to times he said he went away to work or for a boys weekend and I am not a jealous person, I am a trusting person so never ever questioned him when he went. She contacted me because he has now cheated on her and she has left him. It was a shock. But my unborn child and my 3 yr old are my first option and I think I'm handling things quite well. He has actually now freed me from any obligation I felt for him. The door is always open for him and his child. For him and I? I can't even answer that now as my baby is my priority. My question is that as he has left us prior to me leaving and has been cheating on us before we split do I have to tell him when our child is born and/or put his name on the certificate? At the moment I actually feel free of him and am not averse to anything in the future but it would be a long term thing, say 12 months or more before I relented and put his name there. I've just been through this stuff before with my beautiful son of 3 yrs and its been hell, I can't do it again. I think this is best for my children and I. Do you?
9 Replies
Been there!! I didn't but him on the certificate. But I did take him to child support. He's not happy about it! My baby is only 1 month old and now I have to prove that we were living together when my baby was,conceived. So get all the evidence together you can to support you were living together, then take him to the cleaners!!
Him cheating on you is horrible and I really am sorry that happened. However not letting him be a part of his childs birth and not putting his name on the birth certificate for it is wrong in my opinion. I dont think using a child as a weapon because you are angry, upset and hurt is the right way to go.
By all means be angry hurt and upset you have absoluteky every right to that but please dont bring an innocent baby into it :-(
What a horrible situation!
I went through 9 months of trying everything in my power to get my sons father to even just meet him. He's currently going for "father of the year" what a joke but my son deserves to have his father and I never once thought about not letting him have that chance. As easy it would be to move on without them in our lives its not fair on your child.
There are free legal services available over the phone and face to face that you might find helpful. His name doesn't have to be on the birth certificate as long as he signs a parental acknowledgement form for child support. However I would think very hard about what way is the right way. I ended up opting for the parental acknowledgement as I knew there was a really high chance the father would do the bolt (he had bolted multiple times already) and it would make it easier for my son to do some things legally. I sought legal advice and counselling before making any decision so I knew it was the right decision for my baby and wasn't about getting back at the father.
Him cheating is terrible.... Just because he is a shit boyfriend doesn't mean he's a shit dad. While I was pregnant my ex cheated numerous times, hit me, stalked me, came to my work, held a gun to my head. BUT he is the Dad. He was notified the day I went in to labour, came in to see bub, he is on the birth certificate and now we are civil and get along well. Why, probably because I wasn't spiteful. If you are truly putting your kid first you will still allow him to be a dad. Think of ur kid looking at their birth certificate in 15 years time and seeing no name. Who will they blame? You! If you do everything right then u will always feel good within yourself. How will you feel if ur kid turns around and says why did u stop me seeing my dad?
If he is a shit dad then that's when you take steps for custody etc. don't be spiteful. Good luck.
Him cheating is terrible.... Just because he is a shit boyfriend doesn't mean he's a shit dad. While I was pregnant my ex cheated numerous times, hit me, stalked me, came to my work, held a gun to my head. BUT he is the Dad. He was notified the day I went in to labour, came in to see bub, he is on the birth certificate and now we are civil and get along well. Why, probably because I wasn't spiteful. If you are truly putting your kid first you will still allow him to be a dad. Think of ur kid looking at their birth certificate in 15 years time and seeing no name. Who will they blame? You! If you do everything right then u will always feel good within yourself. How will you feel if ur kid turns around and says why did u stop me seeing my dad?
If he is a shit dad then that's when you take steps for custody etc. don't be spiteful. Good luck.
I am in a similar situation. Only 8 weeks away from delivering my baby. The birth of our child is about me and what's best for me and the baby. My husband being there and causing me to stress is not good for either of us. I will be putting him on the birth certificate and he is a good dad when he makes the effort. He will be more than welcome to meet baby and bond with her after her birth but when I am confortable and have had the initial bonding time with her. Your birth = your choice.
SInce you are calling him your partner, I assume you were not married; making it easier to not out his name down. But I feel he and your child deserve the correct information on the birth certificate. It would not be fair. If you are planning to get child support he should be listed.
Having filled to a birth registration recently I can tell u that unless he signs it and there's a witness to witness it he won't go on there anyway, if they ask just say he refused to sign it. As far as centrelink is concerned u will have to sign a stat dec saying he's the dad an they will take him for child support unless he objects and says it isn't his he won't even realise he's not on it.
Making an effort to get my child's father was one of the biggest dramas I ever had to deal with, I need his permission for everything, name change passport, do what u feel is right xo