Hi, So I have a bit going on at the moment and am feeling quiet overwhelmed with some things, I left my DV relationship over a year ago, it was incredibly difficult to begin with but I got myself and my two young children on our feet eventually, the ex the father of the children still make life difficult sometimes but that's really not my question. Once me and my kids had found a place to live changed schools e.c.t we got settled and I unexpectedly met a very caring man who also has a child a little bit older, He is and still is one of the most caring people I have come across, I love him and he loves me, I decided that this year was going to be my year and I was going to enrol to study and that's exactly what I did, Now I feel empowered I'm really doing things on my own good feeling after been so emotionally and physically abused for so long from my ex. Me and my new partner have discussed buying a house one day and having a baby ( crazy I know ) anyway so one of those has come too soon, I'm pregnant, at the start I felt really happy because I knew this was the guy for me but now I am feeling immense guilt me and my children have gotten this far I'm studying as well as working and was hoping to gain paid employment at the end of my course with the company I do work experience for. I'm having second thoughts worried what my family will think ? what will people say ? we have only been together 8 months ! How will I ever get back into the work force, how do I tell my work experience employer I'm pregnant! I'm not sure if these are just hormones giving me these feelings or a feelings coming from knowing how hard it was to start from scratch when I left my dv relationship, and the what ifs keep crossing my mind what if he turns out to be an ass hole like my ex what if I have to endure 9 years of abuse again. Termination is even crossing my mind now I always said I would never even consider one again ( I have had 1 before) and I top of all this of course I'm blaming myself for not been responsible, I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking but hoping some of you ladies that had a similar experience can give me some friendly advise.
4 Replies
Don't be scared. I met my now husband 3 years ago. Fell pregnant and got married. All within 4 month. Best decision of my life. I love him he loves me. We have children from previous relationships and one together. We both have full custody of our kids and we are a great blended family. Don't be scared and don't worry about what people say. We have opened our own business and are as happy as can be. Don't worry about the future that can change make the best of right now hun.
You do not know this man well enough to have a child to him. You need to concentrate on you. You would not emotionally be capable to have this child if your worried by what you wrote. Be an adult and make an adult decision. Your current kids need there mum to get her shit together, not have another kid to a man you don't know. 8 months is not long enough to know if he will turn out just like your ex. Seek emotional help for you and your kids. No man will "save" you. You need to do this yourself by hard work. Get to gp and start an emotional health plan. Having an abortion is not a bad thing to do when you are not emotionally or finically in a position to raise the child. Your existing kids dont need the roller coaster of another failed relationship. They need there mum. Get on birth control and dont get pregnant until your married.
You can study and have a child!! I went back to uni to study for a bachelors degree when my daughter was 1, I'm now expecting my second in a few short weeks. I'll defer this year, but will get it done and we'll be financially much better off for making sacrifices now!! You're a new women to who you were when you were being abused. This man sounds nothing like the other man. If something happens in the future and it doesnt work out then you know you can do it. Embrace it mumma. You'll be suprised what you can do when you put your mind to it!!
For every "I met my husband and was pregnant within a day and we're still together 100 years later", there are many more, I got pregnant to a guy I wasn't with long and it didn't work out. Eight months, you're still in the honeymoon phase, base this decision on you and you alone. If you could handle another child as a single mum, then absolutely go for it, but if not, don't take the chance. There is a reason you have reservations, because deep down you know the answer. I hope I don't sound cynical, just being honest. Good luck.