Just wanting an honest opinion. I have three children my middle child has asd /ADD and I get carers for him. My eldest just finished year 12. For the last two years I have been telling her to get a job as I would not be able to afford all her uni costs, she refused. Before graduating she claimed for youth allowance and ticked the wrong box resulting in me losing my family tax for her sooner than what I should have. Up until this Monday I have been supporting her with my sons money so when she got a back payment I told her I would be taking it to replace the money I spent on her that came from her younger brothers carers payment. She has since left home to move in with my partners sister and his mother has logged on to her center link account and saw the back payment. She has now accused me of theft and fraud and says she is going to report me to center link for stealing my daughters money. I Dont believe expecting your child to pay their own way as theft especially when they refuse to get a part time job and I have had to use my sons money to support her. I'm just wondering what other mothers think.
26 Replies
She's your child for god sake. You should have been supporting her all along. Yes once they have finished year 12 and are 18 it's time to get a job and contribute but you should have been supporting her until then. I personally don't expect my kids to get jobs while they are at school, however won't stop them if they want to I believe their main focus should be education at that age.
She is your daughter. You are supposed to be supporting her, especially when she is in school. My parents always said they will educate us and then my siblings and I would have enough skills to survive in the real world. They never made it about money. Even when we were at uni and working part time they still paid for books, transport ect. Didn't start paying board til we finished our degrees and got work.no wander your daughter moved out. U should be managing your household to support all your children. What an insult to say to your daughter you owe me money because I had to use your brothers money to feed, cloth and educate you.
God this ticks me off. She's your child! Just because she turned 18 are you just going to stop supporting her financially!? You make it sound like she's a burden. I'd have been out of there too!
Maybe she wanted to focus on her studies so she could get a good ATAR. You had the kid, support her!
I know where youre comingfrom but if she wasnt being charged at the time, you cant suddenly hit her with a bill. Its a bit like seeing a lump sum and taking it, but actually its not yours.if you didnt have an arrangement in place, i would give it back and let her know about thrfinances and why you see it as being owed to the household.
equallybeing a teen and her moving out, be careful at the moment not to break the relationship over money. Seems shes still a child and expects youto supporther or someone else to... youcan definitely change that from here forward, but you cant hit her with a bill for things youve done while she was of the understanding you were doing it as the parent.
A child is your financial responsibility until they turn 21.
I'm all for paying board when the child has a job, but that is a nominal amount. Usually only a small portion of there home expenses.
Honestly I'd let it go. Your daughter is still learning how to be an adult, of course she ticked the wrong box on the Centrelink form. Most full grown adults have difficulty navigating the system!
I get that a few generations ago kids were expected to be more independent earlier but they also didn't have the same pressures on them to get such high scores in order to get to Uni.
I have no experience with CL payments or how much they are/how much you lost but if she ticked the wrong box surely you both could have called and had it fixed? I believe you support your kids at least until they are 18, mine is almost 20 with no job and he gets absolutely no wants but all needs are supplied in return for some light cleaning duties during the day. Once he gets work if he chooses to stay here he won't be charged rent as we are buying our home but he'll be expected to share the household bills and shop for his own food.
I should add, he won't get a payment while living at home because his father and I work. Even the government says you're responsible for your child until they turn 22 years old.
I am going to go against the grain here. So many kids out of school these days mooch off parents and don't want to work (why work when mummy and daddy will 'support' me).Seriously we are raising such a lazy generation. I think unless your child is studying full time they should be working and contributing financially to the house hold. As soon I started working after graduation from school, i was expected to contribute $50 a week. Not only do I have a great work ethic but I am good with money and haven't had to rely on family to pay my way in adulthood. A bit off topic I know.
I completely agree, im a bit surprised at the majority here. However i think the issue with this op is that the amount wasnt laid out clearly yet, so its coming across kind of like shes backdated billing for parenting.
This doesn't sound like a lazy teen though. It sounds like she has worked hard to get into Uni. Every year the scores go up and up to get in. If she was sitting on her arse not studying etc I would totally agree with you that she needs to get a job.
I paid board from 15, I paid for all my own wants and my parents paid the bills but I helped out. There is nothing wrong with expecting your child to help out. All you people obviously have had it easy and your parents must of been well off to be able to support you all so fucking well!! Get off your high horses. She's a mum on a carers pension that's fuck all. If you have the ability to help out in your home you fucking do it. Don't sit there saying you're supposed to support her especially since she was using the money she was getting for her ASD child who has a disability who's costs aren't any less because they're disabled.
Mumma you have every right to ask for board!! You have every right to insist that she pays you back the money that you weren't receiving to care for her because she ticked the wrong box. Don't listen to all these other women with no fucking clue how hard it can be living with children with disabilities.
While it's good to have an opinion, it's never ok to attack someone else for their opinion because it doesn't match yours, especially when someone has asked all mums for their beliefs.
I happen to disagree with you and I have a child with disabilities!
They were all attacking one lady asking if it was ok to make her daughter pay board. I wasn't attacking the original poster was I. I told her it was ok to ask for board. So many people sit there and expect life to be handed to them on a platter. When you are from the low income part of society and get attacked for expecting your child to pay board because you didn't have to then that's ridiculous. If you're receiving a payment for your child and then she goes and stuff it's all up and you are still expected to provide them with the same sort of living without the same income then they should be paying board. I wouldn't give the funds I receive to my NT child that I receive for my ASD child just so they can lounge around. I worked part time and studied and still got good grades as well as had a life. I don't see how this mum expecting her child to pay her back for causing problems in the household budget is wrong. If they see it as an atta k so be it. But until you've been in the shoes of someone who lived in a low income family and I'm meaning less than 40k a year you'd have no clue as to what I'm saying or meaning.
I think it is dangerous when you start dividing cash according to children. I think government benefits should be for the household, not the pension I get for him and the FTB I get for her. It is like seeing children as assets, hes bringing in more because he's disabled so she shouldn't get it urghhhh what a way to live.
I think the mother should have sorted the Centrelink mistake when it happened, she is the adult and all of this could have been avoided had she done that.
The daughter hasn't been lounging around, shes been AT SCHOOL doing year 12 and obviously doing pretty well if she got into uni. I would have a sit down with her and come to some kind of agreement, one where you are both happy, maybe 50/50?
Get off your high horse! Just remember that just because a high income earner earns more than a low income earner Doesn't mean they have less hardships than the low income earner.
What? A low income earner has more hardship its absolutely privilege and ignorance that would make anyone say otherwise.
Children with disability cost more. They have needs and it costs money which is what the money they recieve should be used for. This lady is making valid points and is empathising with the poster, if you dont have the experience butt out or write your own comment i think shes right on with what shes saying.
Carers payment isn't just for your son. Carers payment is your pay so that you don't have to work. I know this because I receive carers payment. It's my pay for the work I do looking after my son. It's not my sons money. It's up to me to distribute that money amongst all of my children. Just like if I had a job I still need to distribute my pay amongst all of my children.
Since when did children have to pay parents for their basic human rights???? Your daughter doesn't owe you shit....
Well she chose to be independent and cut off her payments to her mother and receive them herself. She cant have it both ways. And your comment is really rude this poor op. i think a lot of people dont understand at all living on her income and circumstance but so quick to be rude.
It's called being blunt not rude. Don't put financial responsibility on a teen who can't even get a credit card. The mother needs to take responsibility in this. She is the adult and needs to take control. Even if she did run a debt supporting her daughter the only thing she can do is ask her daughter once Back payments are made is to contribute to the debt. Otherwise she should accept her child her responsibility.
Well I hope when you reach out for help because you have a problem and are already down that people arent 'blunt' / rude to you.
Once your child is 18, it is cut off unless they are still at school, which you have to show proof of. I'm not sure she did tick 'the wrong box'
I have a daughter who started uni last year, and I have 2 younger sons with ASD amongst other things. I am on a single Carers pension.
I was receiving parenting payment for my 18 yo daughter until she finished school in November, when she applied for youth allowance. My payment was cut off immediately, but she had to wait (along with all the other school leavers) for months before receiving anything. It was a tough time. I had to ask family for help.
But prior to that, I had researched a formula for charging children board, and we had agreed to a figure that she would pay me until she moved to uni in the Feb. So when she finally did get her first payment, she paid me back. She receives a higher rate of YA for living away from home and gets rent assistance, both of which barely cover the basics. She's applied for many part time jobs, but her uni schedule is pretty full. I'm happy to help out where I can. I pay for everything when she comes home for a few weeks. I send her $50 here and there. We joke about it, that she will be a high income earner when she's finished in 3 years, and can take care of me then.
Mum for life here, as my mum is, who sends me money to help take care of her grandkids
This situation boils my blood. You didnt do anything wrong. Your partners family want to 'help out' you make sure you tell them the rules that are in place for YOUR child. These people telling you that you need to support your child until they 22. You are whats wrong with this world. You create privileged brats who cant survive on their own. What exactly is supporting them and telling them lifes tough so you dont need a job achieving??
My sister didnt like being told to pay rent once she had her own money so off she ran from mummy to daddy to have a cry. Now theres a 30 yr old with two jobs, saving for new cars and apparently next a house deposit while my dad struggles to pay his bills on a pension. Seems fair right?
Assuming you're talking about my comment, try reading it again, and then read it back in context of the rest of my comment and see if you get it this time. "the government says you're responsible for your child until they turn 22 years old", not what I believe is right, not what I said she should do, not what I said she has to do, not that she did anything wrong. Just what the government tells me as a working mum of a nearly 20 year old with ODD and ASD, who is having trouble getting into paid employment in our regional area due to not having experience (hard to pick up after school work when your school bus doesn't drop you off until 5pm and there's still chores, homework, shower and dinner to fit in before bed time) or a drivers licence due to anxiety on top of the challenges his two diagnoses bring to the table, they say you're financially responsible for an under 22 year old. This as a comparison between what she believes and the harsh reality of our society. I'm sorry if my sons privilege offends you, of course living at home with his mother at almost 20 is exactly where he wants to be in life and the heartbreak I see in his eyes is all make believe. At least if he were eligible for a government payment he may be able to board in the city where there's more opportunities and public transport! I'm sorry if my comment replying to the question of what I would have done (called CL and fixed the problem) offended you so badly. I'm sorry if the reply that I do believe it's fair to support a child until the age of 18 offended you too. Pretty sure there's lot more wrong with this world than my explanation of how "board" will be worked out in our house when the time comes...