I'm currently going crazy processing this in my head. My daughter had a visit. I supervise and she asked her dad to take her to the toilet well they were playing in the equipment and than came down and he said she needs to go to the toilet. I'm going to take her. I said it's ok I'll take her. She asked for daddy and I keep saying no mummy will but he didn't stop her or say no it was like he wanted to be the one to take her.
I stood outside the door and waited. They were in there quiet awhile. Maybe 5minutes ish.
The thing now is she was brushing her teeth and put her toothbrush between her legs and goes mummy touch my pokie. I said what who said that. Should would tell me anything. Kept changing her story and I said how come you won't tell and she said she was told not to tell.
Now her dad said to me when we were together he'd like to teach someone younger how to have sex I was like huh and he goes they'd have to be of legal age. I kinda just didn't over think that but I'm pretty sure I'd still have the text messages.
I don't want to be that crazy ex that accuses him of shit but is this something I should be concerned about? She's never alone with any other male.
I'm going crazy thinking this and don't know what to do. My hearts breaking. My poor precious little girl ??
To be concerned it not?
To be concerned it not?
Posted in:
Mental Health, Behaviour, Kids
8 Replies
If he has supervised visits he should not be alone with her, ever, so in this case its pretty easy to protect her for just in case in the future. If you cant stand up to him them get someone there who will lay out the rules and make him stick to them. It would be worth the cost of going through official supervised centres than doing this and putting yourself and your daughter in this situation again. As you think something already happened call bravehearts for advice.
This is no court ordered set up I've just never let her due to numerous things drugs violence dv etc
I'm so lost. I don't know what to do
You NEED to report it
Yes make it official. Sounds like youre still scared of him and trying not to piss him off so you can keep this setup but if you make it official you can protect your child fully.
Contact child protective services
i do tink people are over reacting a little bit... how old is your daughter? although her saying she was told not to tell is a red flag there is nothing strong enough in what she said that services can do anything about at this time.
If you supervise visits you must have good reasons. make sure you are more firm with toilet stops that it is mummy that takes you because we have to go into the girls toilets (tell your daughter this) also just talk to her about her body and where its ok o not ok for anyone to touch and specifically name the safe people who might need to such as 'mummy for toilet and dr if anything is sore " a really great resource to talk about this stuff with kids is 'my underpants rule' its a fun book and kids love it! check it out! its non invasive and helps to teach them about their body being private.
- unless your daughter specifically expresses fear of her dad i do suggest you make your arrangements more formal by writing up a parental agreement and getting him to sign it. and lodging it with the court. keep listening to your daughter but dont interrogate her!!! your doing a good job mumma
Seek professional help NOW!!!
I've read through all the comments and some sound advice there, teaching correct terms for ALL body parts male and female, but hell, you're in crisis mode! And teaching a child that no-one should touch them, seems to ignore the child being co-erced to touch his 'pokie'
You mentioned a red flag from your time together. As much as you don't want any of this to be true. What does your gut tell you?
A properly trained, experienced professional will talk with her, in a comfortable friendly relaxed way, perhaps using dollies or drawings, some type of play therapy, and it will be on record. As parents, our reaction (when we hear of something so distressing) tends to make them clam up.
Do whatever it takes to keep you and your girl safe xx
I'm completely supportive of your need to look into this further, as there's a bit of history there that gives you reason to be suspicious. But just for some perspective, my daughter (just turned 5) is obsessed with vaginas, penises, and all the rest. She jokes about them, then asks serious questions about them, talks about them, wants to occasionally explore her own and the rest of the family's, and poke stuff in it in the shower. It's driving us insane but it's just her current obsession, she'll move on soon (just like she has with all her other obsessions!). It came out of nowhere, and will disappear just as quickly as soon as she has learnt all she needs to about penises and vaginas! She said today that her favourite body part is testicles because they're so beautiful ??? (she had just learnt the word yesterday, after much questioning, heaven help me!!). Pretty sure she just wanted to use her new word. I know it's best for you to follow your instincts here, but keep in mind that most kids will explore their bodies at some stage, even if they don't go all out obsessed like my very cheeky little comedian!