So I have just found out that my three month old had only put on 100gms in 4 weeks. I was exclusively breastfeeding, but have been having some supply issues. I got my supply back, but she still didn't put on any weight. It's almost as if baby isn't absorbing any nutrients. Then mastitis paid me a not so lovely visit, along with a number of other personal stresses.
I have started bottle feeding with formula today and she is seemingly more content. Why then do I feel so guilty about switching? I know there will be some who will judge, and that gets to me. Switching will help her and she is more content, but I feel so guilty and judge myself as a bad mum for not having quality breastmilk....
Guilty breastfeeding
Guilty breastfeeding
Posted in:
Parenthood Guilt
5 Replies
I felt exactly the sme way but my milk never came in, i did everythingn felt horrible. You learn to deal with it as time goes on but it does hurt n you do feel guilfy. What helped me was knowing i waS doing the biggest thing for her n it was my issue, she is happy.
The guilt is normal... even though it isn't warranted. Welcome to motherhood! I've been there before with the whole bottle feeding guilt (though for different reasons) and I still feel that way despite KNOWING I did the best thing for my daughter at the time 4 years ago when she was a baby. I went on to successfully breastfeed my son for a year so if it was something you wanted you never know what the future holds. That said though I see no real difference between the two feeding methods. Breastfeeding wasn't meeting her nutritional needs for the reasons you gave so you switched for HER benefit -and made a good choice. I've had mastitis twice and I know how horrible it is! You said yourself bubs seems more content and that is all that matters. You will always find something to feel guilty over but try not to...you're doing a great job! Good on you for sticking it out as long as you did!
I was exactly the same, my milk was no good and my son was not thriving so after 4 weeks he was switched over to formula. The guilt is completely unfounded - my boy is now a 16 year old healthy young man. Set aside what "society" says you need to do and just do what is right for you and your daughter.
My daughter was 7 weeks premature and at 3.5 months old she only weighed 3.3kgs (she was born 2kg). She just was not gaining and we were doing EVERYTHING imaginable (pumping, taking supplements, taking medication) turns out I had IGT (insufficient glandular tissue) which meant I just couldn't produce enough. So at 3.5 months we were sent to hospital for dehydration and malnutrion and she was put on formula (which we used to top up after a bf till 7.5 months and we didn't find out about my IGT till she was a year) do I feel guilty for the formula?? NO. She could have died without it. Do I wish I had of done somethings differently, do I wish we were still breastfeeding?? Hell yeah. So do NOT feel guilty, you are doing the RIGHT thing. BUT if you do want to breastfeed, if you love the bond and you want those awesome nutrients and antibodies there are some things you can still do mumma. If you want to breastfeed but your supply just is not enough then an SNS (supplemental nursing system, otherwise known as a lactaid) could be your life saver. This handy contraptions is a little tube that attaches to your nipple (and the other end to a bottle) so that bub can still feed at your breast but be getting all they need. I wish I had known about it and I'm mighty damn pissed off no one ever told me, we'll be getting one as soon as I fall pregnant with our second. Other things you can do is contact the ABA now and just talk to them, they'll be able to alleviate your guilt and identfy the path YOU want to take, whether that be full formula or mixed feeding or even donor milk. Other things you should get checked now are lip and tongue ties. These often go unnoticed (our premmie baby was in hospital for 3 weeks, we saw 3 lactation consultants and numerous doctors and nurses each day, not one noticed her tongue tie). These can really damage your supply and the fact that you got mastitis but bub isn't putting on weight makes me think that this could be your problem. You CAN have the feeding relationship you want mumma, you just have to decide what you want and you can find a way of getting that!! If what you wanted out of breastfeeding is that amazing bonding time then you could just look at natural bottle feeding, which just means bottle feeding as if you are nursing (at 18m I still feed 80% of my daughters bottles and its always in my lap up against my chest). If you want the nutrients but breastfeeding is going to tire you out and effect your bond then maybe donor milk is for you. There are so many options mumma!! Do not feel guilt, you CAN have the relationship you want!! You just may have to change the way you imagine it thats all, but all the benefits can still be the same
I can't breastfeed and oh the judgement never stops with some people. Breastfeeding is such a contentious subject though. Forget the people who can't be bothered finding out why before they judge.
You are doing the right thing for your baby. And if she is thriving and happy, healthy and loved you are doing a wonderful job.
:)