I have 3 kids 6 yrs and under who I love very much but sometimes it gets frustrating when I tell them to do something it goes through one ear and out the other. They have developed a habit of throwing rotten fruit and sticks over the fence and into the neighbours pool which is situated pretty much close to the other side of the fence. I have told them not to do it even spoke to them about what can happen but they didn't just listen to what I had said to them. My partner and I are being watched by Docs so got to be careful of what we do in the ways of discipline. Tonight I was threatened by the bloke next door if any sticks are thrown into their pool or roof he will throw one into out window than call cops and housing ( my family live in a commission house)... I think i am just asking for advice on how to handle the situation in and adult way...
6 Replies
Before they go out to play you stop and look at them and clearly tell them nothing is to be thrown over the fence, because its rude and also very dangerous. Otherwise they wont be allowed to play outside.
You watch them, and when they look like theyre going there, you give a clearreminder.
Then when they do it, you take that one and put them inside for the same minutes as how old they are. 2 yr old 2 minutes. 4 yr old 4 minutes. Tell them why, the time starts when they sit where you told them. When the time is up, remind them of the rules and this time if they do it again they wont play outside anymore. (For that afternoon or morning play etc) And follow through.
Are they busy outside do they have things to do are you out there with them this will all help
Find a better way to supervise your kids! Instead of telling them not to throw things over the fence (because your kids are under 6, too young to be expected to control their impulses or listen like adults) keep them occupied so that they can't do it! They need activities to keep their brains busy. Reading, playdough, crafts, puzzles or games, for example.
At any time have your kids had to deal with the aftermath of their behaviour? Have they had to apologise to the angry neighbour or help clean the pool? How are they supposed to understand the ramifications of what they're doing if they don't see the reality? What they see is a game, they throw stuff over the fence into a no-mans land and it makes a fun plopping sound. Item then ceases to exist so they do it again. Show them that the items do still exist and they make a terrible mess! Put it into perspective for them. Grab an old bucket and fill it with water, put in some rotten fruit. Every day go out and smell it, ask them if they'd like to swim in it, ask them if they think the neighbour should have to swim in it, tell them his pool smells like that when they throw food in it. Explain in a way they can understand, water is expensive so replacing fouled water in a pool is expensive. Work out an estimate and tell them how many months/weeks/days they'd have to go without Tiny Teddies and juice to pay him back for just one re-fill. Make sure they don't have access to anything that could be thrown over including having to pick up all sticks in the yard everyday before playtime. If they throw toys over the fence take all of their outside toys away for a week, if it happens again - two weeks and so on. Depending on how long it's been going on already I'd like to think the neighbour will be less angry if he sees something actually being done about it. Let him know if he finds anything to let you know and then you do the parenting.
You need to supervise them 100% in the back yard. You need to keep them engaged in other activities while they are out there. They are 6 years and under, they are going to get themselves in trouble unless you watch them. Set up a water activity, obstacle course with furniture etc.
telling them not to do something really doesn't work at that age when an activity is so tempting. Especially if they are bored or enjoy the attention from being told off (which is really common).
If you can't watch them, they stay inside where you can watch them.
You should really be supervising them...at 6 and younger they need it when they're outside.
Buy things like a swing set, trampoline etc, hula hoops etc and let them be preoccupied by other things or take them to the park instead.
Having 3 kids under 6 is busy busy! You need strategies, support, back up. Do a parenting course and see a family counselor regularly, not only will you feel empowered and more confident in your parenting, it will also show the authorities that you are making positive changes.
As someone suggested on here, take them over to apologize to your neighbor (check first that's it's safe, and a convenient time) and have them participate in the clean up with you and your partner.
You don't need to yell, swear and/or smack kids to get their attention. Just be engaged with them, supervise and have fun together. If it's all too much at times, put them into day care once a week or have a trusted friend/relative help out for a few hours.