I'm just wondering if anyone has any information for me... my ex has had our 8yo son for the last week which was outside our agreement and I don't have anything stating that I was getting him back tomorrow. We also don't have court orders.
Tonight just before six I received a text message stating that our son had done sexually inappropriate things over the last week and that as a result he sought help from a dr and psychologist (this was the first I heard of it).
He then said that the psychologist had sent a mandatory report to child safety and that he had been told not to return our son to my care. If he was to return him he would have to contact child safety and they would remove him from me themselves.
I was completely appalled because I have never more would I ever do anything to harm my child (I work in a school as a teacher aide). My ex claims that our son has said he learnt the stuff from my current partner. He went on to elaborate that it was due to him finding a case for a porn DVD which had explicit pictures. Which I knew had happened a second it was in a box he wasn't allowed into and my son was just curious and went into the box; I thought we had dealt with this by talking to our son but obviously there was an issue still.
I then contacted child safety where I was advised to seek legal advice because what my ex was saying wasn't how things normally happen. I was told that there is not an open investigation but that a report had been submitted.
Unfortunately I cannot meet with a solicitor until Monday and I rang the number supplied by child safety but it doesn't help right now either.
Has anyone else been in a similar situation??? When can I expect to get my son?? Is my ex allowed to do this when child safety haven't even contacted me yet? They say their isn't an investigation?
Our son is also high functioning autistic and I'm concerned that he isn't the best at explaining and saying what he thinks.
Thank you in advance sorry it's so long
9 Replies
Can you offer for your partner to leave the home pending clearing this up so your son can come home to you. Make it clear you have no concerns but understand your partners concern and will do what you need to maintain your relationship with your son until this is cleared up.
Ok, your ex is obviously freaking out and is probably thinking the worst. First thing to do, keep your cool. I know your panicking and thats understandable.
He didn't really learn it from your partner, he learnt it from a dvd case. It will be cleared up.
Your ex can keep him there if hes concerned for the child's safety, despite it being a misunderstanding. You might have to just wait until monday. He will be ok with his dad. Just message him and say its a misunderstanding and your going to clear it up and that you didn't realise him seeing the dvd case had caused an on going issue and frequent psychologist appointments sound like a good plan.
How can you say "he didn't really learn it from your partner"….. like seriously, how irresponsible of you. The child is 8, children don't lie, it's the people they go to that turn a blind eye, minimise what they say and don't believe them that keeps them stuck in sexually abusive situations for FAR longer than they should be. The stats tell you, children DO talk, adults STUPIDLY don't listen.
Sorry, I read it as he learnt it from the DVD case that belonged to the partner when the little boy saw the case. Apologies if I missread that Of course I don't think the kids lie. Thats why she needs to leave him with dad until it's all cleared up.
If there is no court orders than yes your ex can keep your son. My partners ex did the same thing, kept the child after her living with us full time for 3years. We were going through the process and all that but my partner just turned up there one day and took her back! I DO NOT RECOMMEND THAT!!!! Stay calm, and follow the process.
OMG. I would be VERY suspicious of your current partner. Children don't just start doing sexualised behaviour that is concerning enough for your child's father to seek help from seeing a dvd cover. The fact that he's disclosed that it's your current partner doing this is a massive RED FLAG. You son is far safer where he is until you fully investigate your current partners history, take a step back from the situation and see if there's behaviour in your current partner that is worrying, even between the both of you. I'd call brave hearts. Parentsline. Family Relationships Australia. I'd call all my current partners ex partners and i'd call the police and ask if there's a record on him about matters ilke this. If you current partner is CHARMING, seems like MR WONDERFUL, such a great guy…. these are all RED FLAGS!!!
My son was watching inappropriate movies with his dad when he had visits, which caused the same problem at home -reenactment/sexualised behaviour etc
When i acted on this by calling docs and getting gp and a psychiatrist involved amd with holding visits i got slamed by docs and his father As they were more concerned I withheld my son than the sexualised behaviour a 7 yr old was showing thanks to what his dad was letting him watch.
Kids retain so much information even if its just seeing a glimpse of something they shouldnt.
Id be going to get ur son and keep him with you as his dad seems dodgy with information and if it was from that why didn't it happen sooner??
How do you know your partner hasn't sexually abused him? I'm sorry but I'm with your Ex partner until he is sure his son is safe he has every right to keep him from any harms way have you gone to your exes by yourself to discuss this face to face to tell your son, "mums on your side" that you will support him? I think your asking all the wrong questions at the moment, you need to concentrate on protecting your baby
For child safety it is likely a report was made
But they closed it due to it looking like a custody issue . Or
There was no evidence to support the claim . They won't be involved any further .
Unfortunately if there are no court orders in place regarding custody then your ex is within his rights to do this. You need legal advice asap and get proper orders in place .
I'd be checking on what porn your son may have been exposed to get it out of the house and assure your ex that you have done so . Tell
Him you believe your son and that you will be watching for any other inappropriate behavior and will be working with him (your ex ) to ensure his safety! And maybe even after to ensure your son has some counseling or professional
Help in learning appropriate specialized behavior if he has autism.....as this will be harder for him to understand.
Talk about your. Son needing his mum and that you also want to protect him! It sounds like your ex is trying to be protective and has been misinformed about child protection procedures. They don't just remove children without evidence .
Unless there are other custody issues going on I'd be trying really hard to work closer with your ex around this stuff .
If he's unwilling thenlegal advice is your only option .