Hi mums!! I'm going to do my best to explain this, so bear with me lol
My ex seems to think that just because I have a new boyfriend in my life, that he is no longer our daughters father. He expects my new bf to take on the role of being her father. Should mention she is 10, so old enough to understand what is going on.
As far as I'm concerned, yes my bf should care about her and respect that I have her (which he does) but I don't expect him to replace her dad.
It feels like this is my ex just trying to get rid of his responsibilities as a parent as he has a new gf who also has kids, and also jealousy because I have moved on and am happy.
So I find myself questioning my own beliefs now. Should a new partner expect to take on the full role of being a parent (which is different to accepting someone has kids) or is it ok for me to be the main influence on my kids?
My bf is quite happy to be in my kids lives, this is about me and my opinions and the fact I don't expect anyone to take on the full parent role, especially given the other parent is still available.
Interested to hear others opinions and experiences with this situation. Thanks!
Step parent role?
Step parent role?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
4 Replies
Your ex is being a dick and attempting to give up her parental responsibilities without using so many words. My ex moved on first and I now have an OH but that does not mean he fills the role as their father. It just means they can have 2 men in their lives that can be good examples. Maybe his new girlfriend is filling his head with that shit and expecting him to be the father to her children which isn't what should happen. Don't let him get away with this. But I'm saying that you can't force a guy to be a dad. Sometimes it's better to let your daughter/child realise that he just doesn't want to be her dad and that it's going to hurt her and you just need to be there and support her.
It can also depend on the age of the children. A step parent isn't going to be as hands on with a 9+ year old as they might be with a 3 year old..
I see step parents as additional to parents, they are somewhere between an uncle or auntie. They back up the parent, and they'll take over when mum or dad aren't available but the heavy lifting is done by the biological parent.
Your ex is being a dick and looking for an out! My advice, don't force him to be in your child's life, because you can't force someone to care, and kids know! He still needs to pay his child support etc.
I've been in the situation where I have been dating a guy and it's become obvious they were looking for a nanny with benefits. It seemed extremely important to him that I didn't have a career of my own because I'd need to be available to pick his kids up from school etc. It was extremely weird! And clear his dating 'checklist' didn't include me as a person but did include my availability for free childcare!!! CREEPY
I don't believe that a step parent should replace a biological parent. It seems he wants to be slack. Don't let him get away with it, insist he still pays child support and he is still involved. I suppose you can only expect the bio father to be as involved as he wants to be but I would be encouraging it.
As for the role the new boyfriend plays, that is between you and the new boyfriend and how your daughter feels about it. It's not for your ex to decide.
Similar situation where my ex wasn't taking responsibility for our child, yet he was demanding my husband wasn't to take on those responsibilities either (my husband does anyway but was getting abused for it). My husband thought this was ridiculous and went and saw a lawyer who said something along the lines of even though he doesn't technically have to take on those responsibilities, its more a moral obligation to do so.
My husband takes that moral obligation very seriously and is the best step dad you could imagine.