Am I right to be concerned?
I have 3 grandchildren from my son (2 are my sons bio children, one is his step son) to us, they are all equal, no steps in our family. We don't see them a lot, but when we do the children are always filthy (ages, 1, 2 and 9. Their clothes are clean, but I am talking about ingrain dirt. They smell like they haven't been bathed in a while.
We went away over Xmas and they came up for a few days. When they got there the 1 yr old had lollies stuck to her back, hair and legs, she had a clean dress on over it all. My grandson was filthy.
My DIL is raising a brat, all the 2 yr old did is scream if he couldn't get his own way. My son steps in to discipline him and my DIL yells at my son to leave him alone.my son has no balls, he won't stand up to her!
Example: 2 yr old threw a rock at his aunty and got her in the face. Mother of 2 yr old laughed.
My other 2 yr old grandson threw a rock and hit said 2 yr old on the leg. Mother of 2 yr old went ballistic at the other 2 yr old.
Mother allowed 2 yr old to walk around the camp ground with only a tshirts on. She said he is being toilet trained. He peed and pooped wherever he wanted.. including on people's tents. She laughed! My son cleaned it up and told her to either put him on jocks or a nappy. She said no. We were dodging the poo. We had 9 other kids there. It was discusting.
All other kids ate cereal/ toast for breakfast. She fed her 1 and 2 yr olds a pack of 2 min noodles and a pack of potato chips, with soft drink in bottles. Everyone offered cereal and to make toast for them, but she said no. With the amount of people we had with us (all family) we all pitched in to clean up after the kids, except her, she didn't even clean up after herself, left chocolate wrappers everywhere, kids spilt 2 min noodles everywhere ( they are kids.. it's normal to make a mess) but she walked off and left it sitting all over the tables and chairs, leaving everyone else to clean up. She bought paper plates to eat off, saying she was smart. BUT she still used all of our equipment to cook her meals with. She just left it all sitting there for us to do. She wanted to put the 1 yr old to bed with a bottle of soft drink, I got her milk and told her to give it to her.
Both kids have rotten teeth. Poor 2 yr old has no top teeth, they have rotted away. She finally took him to a dentist just before Xmas- they need to remove ALL top teeth (what's left of the stumps)
1 yr old has 4 top teeth and they are all rotting away.
She hasn't registered their birth because she wants them under her name not my sons.
Neither kids have had immunisations- not because she doesn't believe in them, her 9 yr old has had all of them- it's pure laziness, she doesn't drive, my son works, so she has to walk, it's too hard for her to walk the .5 km to the dr. Her 9 yr old her 77 days off school because she couldn't be bothered getting out of bed ( her words) or he was at his paternal grandmothers.
The kids have the best of everything, they don't need anything, but they live like pigs. my son is too scared to stand up to her in fear of her taking the kids off him - she has walked away from him before they had kids and he was devastated that she took her son ( my son has been in the boys life since he was 2)
The rest of the family have the same views as me. Should we intervene?
Raising kids
Raising kids
Posted in:
Behaviour
6 Replies
Yes, it would be hard but I probably would. Especially re the rotting teeth, as this can cause other health conditions. Could you talk to your son and if he is unwilling to step in, I would probably report to child services. Could you offer to drive all the kids to the dr to get vaccinated and to the dentist for treatment?
I would call child protective services. There are enough red flags here for more serious neglect. They will give both parents the opportunity to clean up there act. They will be able to offer parenting courses etc.
nothing might not come of it, but to do nothing is not acceptable for me.
You put a lot of emphasis on the DIL being the problem, which is obvious but your son turning a blind eye makes him no better. If he is scared she will leave him, then so be it he needs to stand up to her. You need to have a quiet word with him, and ask him his thoughts. Tell him that action needs to be taken. What's stopping him from bathing and brushing their teeth? For a start, the general hygeine and eating habits are what need to be seriously changed. You know what, if that were my son, I'd book a ticket and be at their house intervening immediately. I'd rock up unanounced, with cleaning supplies, with a relatively healthy food shop in tow and with a god damn toothbrush for each kid and good soap and I would say right, you are neglecting your children, I can help you to get this house into a clean state (I assume the house is a sty) and you are going to try and make an effort before I have to report all this and take custordy myself. Seriously!
Okay, being devils advocate here, 1. is DIL possibly going through post natal depression? 2. maybe your concerns are being misinterpreted as animosity toward her and the gap needs bridging.
sit down with them privately and in neutral territory. Make it a loving family discussion. Talk to DIL and let her know that having small children is bloody challenging and tiring. Offer to help out because that is what family does. Listen to her, make her a cup of tea... try not judging and helping. After all, your son loves her, as a mother, your job is to support and NOT judge. Give this a go first, after all this could just be a tired mum.
Yes, this is the nice way to give a go first, then I'd be doing what the post above says.
YES, Absolutely. It will probably get messy but those kids are being neglected. it is illegal not to register babies and that's probably why she hasn't immunised them, she would have to pay full price. If the people who love them most are too afraid to help them, who will? Good luck.