I don't even know what to do ... my 11 year old Son who is Autistic and has the mind of a 5 year old was found naked with my girlfriends 5 year old daughter! She was naked too and they were found kissing!!
I'm so disgusted ... my partner and I were in complete shock and don't know how to deal. At first we as well as our friends , parents of the little girl were extremely upset as you could imagine ... we've separated the 2 and my 11 year old is on 24 hours supervision... never for a minute did we ever think what unfolded could have happened and we feel that we've somehow failed. We are all going through counselling and have alerted the authorities.
We've been asked if my son was sexually abused or if anything has happened that could have lead to what happened. We know for sure that the answer is No. The only thing we can think of is that we've found him masturbating to woman's day mags and we've even found him looking on YouTube for sexualised videos he'd wake up in thr night and watch it and I'll go to the bathroom and find him masturbating ... this had been happening for a year or even 2.. I've since locked everyone down with passwords etc and he doesn't have access to anything other then Disney Channel. Anything could set this behavior off... even my daughters barbies would be found under his bed with their clothes taking off.
I sat him down the day after it happened and asked him what happened! He said that his wee wee was hurting. He told the little girl to take her clothes off and she did and then he took his off and they kissed. Then another child walked in and interrupted them which alerted everyone else. I'm so grateful that they were interrupted before anything else happened!
We've been told that there was nothing we could have done to prevent this and that all we can do now is move forward with counselling and to be mindful not to leave him unsupervised. I'm struggling with loving my child knowing what happened and what could have happened.
My Son doesn't have any friends his age because he struggles with communication and would always get along with the younger kids ... had he been in a room with an 11 year old girl and he tried to pull that move, she most likely would have told him where to go and that would have been that... he isn't the aggressive type. But because this little 5 year old just went along with it .. who knows why.. maybe cause he was older and much bigger ? It scares the hell out of me that he was able to convince her to do that! I just don't know how to deal with this... I don't even know if I can love my son anymore... my partner has reacted the opposite .. he use to just leave me to handle the kids because he is so tired from work and everything was great but after he got over the shock and heartbreak he calls my son on his lunch break and tells him every day how much he loves him... he never use to do that. He spends more time with him and is more patient with him... our friends have forgiven him and gave him a big cuddle when they saw him and they understand his special... when my son saw them and the little girl he just went about his normal self and doesn't even know what the big fuss is all about. It worries me that he doesn't understand what he did.. and he could reoffend?... I'm worried for my younger children... I'm worried that will be singled out from the other kids, I'm worried about what others will think about him ans us as his parents... I'm worried what the future holds for him... I'm just freaking out about everything and don't know how to deal. I've even thought about jumping off a bridge ..
7 Replies
Firstly kids do this! 4 year olds do this and 3 year olds do this. It's what kids do. When I was growing up it was referred to as playing doctor. It's not new and it happens, it's not your son being evil it's kids being kids. It's just that your son is older with older boy urges. It's the very reason I have a house rule when we have children come to play of no playing in bedrooms. They get a toy, but they are then to bring it out I to the lounge room.
As a mum to an autistic child, he is an adult now (intellectual level of a 3 year old) you can do things to teach him appropriate sexual behaviours. You will probably need a behavioural psychologist who specialises in autism or BCBA to help you, but it can be done. We needed to teach my son where and when sexual behaviours were allowed (in his bedroom, when he is alone), we did need to give him access to appropriate materials. We gave him a code word for when to communicate he was feeling horny so that we could remove him from a situation. We taught him to mand for 'bed'.
He can also be taught about how more complex consent and body awareness issues you just need the right people to help you with it.
There is also a world expert on this topic who you should read up on, I can't remember his name so will need to look it up and get back to you.
But please don't blame your son for this, 11 year olds do have sexual urges and even babies have been known to masturbate. Your son just doesn't know what's ok and what isn't. You need professional help from the people I mentioned. If you live in the NDIS areas you can get funding for treatment.
Please look up the work of Bobby Newman
Thank you!! <3
Have you thought about respite care for him to give you a brake and to regroup and to talk to someone about what happened.
Kids may play dr as young children but this is sexualised
He might reoffend?
He didnt do anything wrong. All kids do this sort of thing.
For peace of mind dont leave him unattended with younger children.
I feel you meed to see someone about your reaction.
Thanks for the response ... I've been told that I may be over reacting but I just didn't know how to deal. I am schedule to see a counsellor with my partner as well as my son. Thanks I appreciate your comment
Please don't take this the wrong way but from reading this it made me wonder if something happened to you as a child and that's what's caused these feelings to come up towards your child. If this is the case continue counselling and work through your issues too and it will help to deal with what your son has done.
If not it may be a slight overreaction, you just need to remember even though he's 11, his mind is the same as a 5 year old and if you treat him as a 5 year old in other ways (like the way you speak to him and discipline etc) then you need to treat this the same.
It's great that you're not just brushing it under the carpet and you've done all the right things with seeking counselling etc, it's clear you won't let it happen again so don't be too hard on him or yourself xx I can imagine it would be a very tough situation to be in as his mum ❤️