Hey
I would like to start off with letting you all know, i will be going to a doctor because i am sick of this happening. I just would like to know im now alone, also i would like to know that without medicine this does go away.
Im sitting here at 2am with random thoughts going through my head, of what would happen if someone broke into my home? What could i really do? If they hurt me what would they do to my child? And then it starts. The horrible detailed things that could happen, and i mean horrible. i start freaking out at every little sound i hear, too the point i go into my son's room and get him to sleep in my room with me, because i scare myself. I have even put locks on our doors to try help with these thoughts, but i keep thinking the worst.
I am a dv survivor coming up a year single from the recent dv partner (I've had 4 dv relationships all up) i know this plays a huge part of it. My relationship with my family is very defensive as well has been since i was young. But i just want to know the anxiety stops (becomes easier to deal with) at some point at least. i have been to councling but they keep giving me the same diy flyers that do not work. I got put on anti depresants for a different reason and it made me worse, i went from being able to funtion to mot being able to funtion.
Any advice will be great and much much appreciated. As the people around me didn't believe in mental illness until they got told i have one.
2 Replies
I've been battling depression and anxiety for the past 5 or so years. I was diagnosed when I was 16 years old. I self-harmed and at times, suicidal. My parents weren't all that supportive. I remember my own dad telling me I didn't have a "right" to be sad or depressed because others had it worse off in life than I did. The anti-depressants didn't help. I was put on anti-psycotics as I was borderline schizophrenic. They made things worse and I was pulled off them. I went through different psychologists, counsellors, etc. They all seemed to tell the same old story; same old coping mechanisms. I got so sick of walking into a session only to be told about all the ways to chart how different things made me feel. Eventually I found a psychologist who did help in some way. So if one person you're seeing isn't helping, find another one. Part of my issue was I had trouble opening up and communicating what was going through my head.
It does get better. I know it's a cliche thing to say but it holds truth.
I haven't had a suicidal thought for close to 3 years. I haven't harmed myself in almost 2 years.
I've had those thoughts of "what if" too. Similar to yours where what if someone broke into my house and what would I do to protect my child. End of the day, I don't know how I'd go staring danger like that in the face. Each night, I still double and often triple check all doors and windows to make sure they're locked and deadbolted. I check on my daughter multiple times before I go to bed myself each night. I also have baseball bat right next to my bed which does offer me some solitude. I looked to ways to occupy myself to keep from having any "bad" thoughts. I taught myself to play guitar, and to crochet.
I know this isn't advice, but I just wanted you to know that "no, you're not alone". And it does get better. It might not seem like it has or will. But there will come a time when you look back, and you realise yourself just how far you've come.
You need to see a psychologist. Someone who specialises in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and other coping strategies. There are specific meds which help with anxiety but it doesn't just go away - therapies to help you cope with intrusive thoughts are the way to go.
Ask your GP to refer you to one on a mental health care plan so that you can get Medicare subsidised sessions.