I have a 4 year old son, his father left before he was born and has made little to no effort in being there for him. I am now with a wonderful man who loves my son as his own and the pair of them have a great bond. I am now pregnant with his first baby and my second. Everything is going smoothly apart from, what to do in regards to disipline once if/when its required. At the moment i take that role on and my partner is fine with this for my son, but he wants to be the one who does that role with this baby...i am fine with this, however, im wondering if this would cause issues as we both have very different ideas in terms of disipline and im concerned that one child will have a different set of rules to the other child. My mum basically said i shouldn't worry about it, as my partner will be at work 90% of the time and ill be home with the kids 90% of the time, meaning ill be doing 90% of the disipline for both kids anyway, she basically thinks that nothing will really change and i shouldn't stress about it...is my mum right? Should i just let it be and see what happens? What would you do in this situation? I just dont want the kids being treated differently so to speak
4 Replies
Both children need to be treated the same. Same rule, allowed the same things and to kmow what they can get aaay with.
they will be happy if its the same, different spells disaster.
however... for the first 3 years it doesnt much matter anyway. You cant discipline a toddler and a 6 year old the same.
so dont stress, ease in.
Sit down and discuss what his ideas are around discipline? Usually that's a good discussion to have before deciding to have kids so you know if you are compatible parents.
Start discussing rules for both children now. What rules does he agree/disagree with regarding your child, ask him what he'd like to do differently or the same. Negotiate rules you both can live with so you are on the same page. Remembering that the children will be 4 years apart so different techniques/rules and expectations will be set depending on where they are developmentally.
I'm a woman who was a step child. My mum allowed my step dad to discipline me and my older sister and not my younger brother or younger sister (his daughter) neither of them have respect for him and neither show him the respect he is due after working and supporting us so my mum could be a stay at home mum until my sister was 10. These days I am in a relationship with a man who is not my childrens father. I allow him to disciple them but I have also given him guidelines. Ie we don't smack unless the situation actually calls for it. We can raise our voices but we do our best not to yell. Sometimes it's better just to ignore a behaviour rather than acknowledge it. What I am saying is that if this man is your child's father/stepfather he should be allowed to participate in the discipline of both children. Even if he's at work 90% of the time there will be times where he is needed to have the children and be in charge and both/all children need to recognise this. If you are together then you need to do this together. Sit down and talk about all these things and make sure you both know what's expected. Communication is key in relationships. My parents have failed to do this and are currently going through very bitter divorce proceedings. It's not all black and white and there should be no I will discipline him because he's not yours because you are supposed to be a family.
Not the same. Although kind of.
Our 2 are 14 months a part.
Our girl has seizures if she caused stress physically or mentally.
Any how...
We cannot yell, upset or frighten her.
Our boy is crazy, outgoing needs disiplin.
I was worried that she would be this spoilt brat if she knew we couldn't upset her.
We also thought our boy would see this as unfair.
They are totally different in personality and respond to 2 different forms of disiplin.
My hubby lets the kids either get away with murder or comes down on them like a ton of bricks and you cant pick the out come.
The kids have learnt to not upset daddy.
But means I do 95% of it.
They are 6 years old and 7 years old.